JAMES BOND IS A BASTARD 'COS HE KILLS PEOPLE...DANIEL CRAIG IS A BASTARD TO DRAW!!..

Through the years ,basically my lifetime i've shared my boyhood and manhood with that secret agent ,that "BOND, JAMES BOND!" chap the worlds most famous secret agent. When i became "LEATHERBARROW, TIM LEATHERBARROW" not quite the worlds most famous caricaturist, i attempted to draw the various JAMES BONDS of which theres been a few. I will show you my attempts on a future post maybe even tomorrow if your very lucky. I did a good job, if i do say so myself. I actually liked all the various Bonds and dont really have favourites as i think the various actors changing helped the JAMES BOND films survive for so long. I love the character on film and book. DANIEL CRAIG took over the reins to much fuss n' bother in the beginning ,but has more than proved himself and is the toughest meanest of them all. JAMES BOND is a bastard 'cos he kills people , but DANIEL CRAIG  is a bastard as he's proving damn near impossible to draw.

DANNY CRAIG is a good looking fellah and isn't handsome in a classical normal way, he has a very distinctive look about him, but even though i can visualise him and his features for some reason which is starting to drive me nuts is ....I CANNOT DRAW THE BASTARD!....DANIEL CRAIG , I HATE YOU!.....

I've doodled his face on beermats ,envelopes and page borders in newspapers and yellow pages and managed to get a likeness, but when i go to draw up my imagined sudden epithany and understanding of the essence of our favourite..'HER MAJESTY'S BLUNT WEAPON!'...

I think it very brave and self -effacing of me to show you the various sad attempts and failures i've spawned over the last year or two. No doubt i'll pull my pencil out of the old pot full of other pencils of various lengths and leads and will try sgain. This last one above ,like many others ,as i was drawing away and 'had it' ,right up until a drawn line was drawn and the spirit of the drawing was suddenly gone in a fraction of a second it took to draw the line, but you still plug on for another couple of hours even though you know you've lost it, but hope always beats eternal for the struggling caricaturist. I'll either have another go ,or they'll have to change JAMES BOND for another JAMES BOND, one easier to draw.

BOND IS BACK, BUT IS HE OO7, OR OO?

The other night after a few pints with a few mates in the fine city of Liverpool, now uncultured, just as we've always loved it. I returned to the bosom of my beloved, the lovely Lynne, who proved her loveliness by getting a chinese. Not a person on the couch in front of me, that would be silly, after what happened last time!..No, this time she got a take away meal for us to enjoy as we watched the DVD of 'A QUANTUM OF SOLACE'. The new James Bond film, of course. Now i am a confessed lover of everything Bond and always look foreward to the next film and rewatch the old ones again and again. I also think that Danny Craig ,the new boy is very good and thought Casino Royale was very good too. So, when i went to the pictures a few months ago, my spirits were high and there was something approaching excitment in my middleaged (slighty) protruding belly. But watching it, i thought the best word for it is, 'frenetic'. I put it down to sitting too close to the screen. But watching the DVD, it was worse. The film makers,in my considered opinion starting with the BOURNE films got increasingly 'frenetic'. They have decided 'The MTV generation' think that Frenzied and Frenetic means exciting and action-packed. Then this lousy stupid way of filming started turning up all over the place. Spiderman 3, compared to the first two was frenetic; The Dark Knight, frenetic. Now They've decided that 'Frenetic'is what we want. Whereas as far as i'm concerned these 'frenetically edited scenes are just totally baffling and confusing. I think i'll send them the bill for a new remote control, after the hammering it got watching Bond ."What happened there? Wind it back!". This went on for most of the film. So after a dissappointing meet up with my old hero, the lovely Lynne tells me "You stink of garlic!" I wasn't shaken or stirred, i was gutted. This never happens to James Bond.

QUANTUM OF SOLACE!. I'LL SWOP MY BUCKET OF SOLACE FOR YOUR QUANTUM, ANYTIME, MR BOND!

JAMES BOND'S cold grey eyes gazed unblinkingly straight ahead, even as the room echoed to the sound of explosions; Rockets firing and the so familiar sound of machine gun fire."Thunderbirds". Bond hissed impatiently through tightly clenched teeth and pressed the cold plastic button on the Sky T.v remote control. He'd seen this one, where Thunderbird 3 has to rescue a ship which is flying straight at the sun. He turned through the channels from the Sci-Fi channel to the ridiculosly named 'Dave' channel where the new Aston Martin DB9 was being reviewed by Jeremy Clarkson on 'Top Gear'. Bond was a little irritated that this 'so-called' expert who never made any mention of the cars inbuilt armoury of twin Vickers machine guns:Rocket launchers or ,even ejector seat.

Bond took a bite of his toasted Wharburtons bread; Buttered with 'I can't believe it's not butter', using the clean side of the knife. Sipped at his Yorkshire tea made with 30 second boiled warrington tap water and 2 heaped spoons of sugar. He opened his sealed orders from 'L'. He had to hoover the living room and clean the kitchen; Walk the dogs and pick 'the little 'un 'up from school. Bond swore. It had been almost a fortnight since his last adventure when he had to travel the world; Bed beautiful women and commit various acts of mass destruction, murder and genocide, all washed down with a fine wine and dinner. It was his own fault, he had to admit if he was honest with himself. Bond had began to wonder if he'd had enough of the constant danger and always having to be' on the edge'. He had said, at one point that he needed ,just a, Quantum of Solace". A tiny piece of peace and quiet. Then those filmpeople that lived their life making films about him pounced on the phrase and were due to make another killing with yet another film about his killings.

Tim Leatherbarrow, cartoonist and would be agent, spy and goverment 'blunt tool'. said that if he wanted a Quantum of solace, he's got buckets of solace. He had so much peace n' quiet he didn't know what to do with it. So, if Bond wanted some of that he could help himself. So Tim is off somewhere causing untold destruction murder n' mayhem.The dinner suits a little loose on his small but perfectly formed frame; He's got to watch it with the ladies as 'L', The lovely Lynne'd kill him; And, he's got to take it a little easier on the 'pop, due to medical reasons. So, it's down to destruction and food, for agent00.7, (Decimal fraction of 007!). Bond sighed and plugged in the triple suction, ball roller Dyson hoover to make a start on the living room carpet, "Damn", he snarled to himself. As the Dyson started pulling at the carpet fibres,and a page of the Warrington Guardian wrapped around the hoovers front roller.