I THINK BOREDOM IS VERY EXCITING.

Any shopping precinct in our concrete n' pleasant land ,is distinguished by the shutters over the windows and the sparkle of glass fragments on the pavements. This is a symptom of a virulant virus sweeping our land, it goes by the name of boredom. It affects our youngsters, those cuddly 'hoodies' and bearers of asbo's,and generally brain dead morons, we're meant to feel sympathy for, who, when driven crazy with boredom ,ease these symptoms by stabbing somebody or smashing a bus stop up. When asked. "Why did you do it?"Only illicites the reflex-like reply "cos ,i'm bored, there's nothin' to do'round 'ere!"

When i were' Nobbut a lad', there was sod all on the telly for most of the day, computers hadn't been thought of, so we'd ride our bikes; Play footy for about 18 hours a day ,go home and read some comics, even on accassions a book. We may have hung around and got into 'mischief', but we were never really bored, simple souls that we were. There is a lot of truth in the theory that the little darlings of today with all the 'gear' they have, have lost one vital thing that makes life bearable and fun.....IMAGINATION!

I found a long time ago, if i was 'bored'. Instead of wishing time to pass, so something would happen. I went the other way and sort of made time go slower, taking in all around me, using things to spark thoughts ,ideas and memories .As much as i could ,so every moment became an experiance of its own. I took time and stretched it as far as i could. The memory and imagination fired off each other and became an enjoyable and suprisingly relaxing experiance. The mind is moulded by your experiances and carried by your imagination. The mind is as big or as small as your imagination. If you give your imagination ,memories ,observations and thoughts free rein, you will never be bored ,as such. You will look foreward and enjoy sitting watching the world go by and"Being bored ,'cos theres nothin' to do." Look at it this way, everybody talks about this 'High speed world', we live in. It's not a 'High speed'world, on the whole .Communications ,some forms of transport, etc, etc, But to most of us ,at the end of the day the good ol' Earth still turns sedately ,second by second; Minute by minute; Hour by hour ; Day by day, and will carry on, i'm not going to bust a gut and go 'High speed' for no one .I'm going to sit with a pen and notebook just in case inspiration hits me while i'm sitting bored stiff, watching the world go by.

IS THERE ANYTHING MORE PAINFULLY BORING AND TEDIOUS THAN A FORMULA ONE WINNERS PRESS CONFERENCE?

There is yet another point of bafflement and befuddlement to me,Why Formula One racing drivers are such miserable uncommunitive, boring bastards. How, people who race high powered Formula One racing cars; Earn millions a week( i s'pose to be fair, it's cos they have to work weekends.); Jet set around the world in private planes, meeting wonderful important beautiful people; Have everything laid on for them so that even tho' they can afford everything they'd ever want or need, they don't need to 'spend a penny'(unless they've had 'a few'!). Like many 'who've got it', they never need to spend it.(A little social comment ,there!). But these people who live 'on the edge, racing around,as for example only yesterday, the 'Lace Tlack of the Chinese Gland Plix', adrenalin pounding through their system by the gallon from adrenal glands the size of watermelons. While here on our side of the world, the rest of us drag our tiny withered long drained adrenal glands to B&Q, or Asda .As we empty our shopping trollies after shoving it the length n' breadth of the Asda's three car parks trying to find 'The Lovely Lynnes new car, which i still can't recognise ,yet. But, meanwhile back on the other side of the world the racers get out of the moulded cockpit, built specifically for them ,(different to ours, we just fill our space in the front). They take off their helmet and replace it with something a lot more important..THE SPONSORS CAP! This vital bit of F1 appareil is pulled down ,not only over the eyes, but damn near the whole face. The ad agencies and their designer clients dont want to see young fresh faced racing drivers faces ,they want their designer logo from the neck up. We then have the anthems, trophies and champers.This is where you see the designer label with a champagne bottle sticking out from under. Then what follows is the charade of good sporting lads together having fun spraying each other with the booze, they all face away from each other ,'cos in Formula One, everybody hates each other, just watch the body language sometimes, great stuff! Incidentally thats why you'll never get anF1, Scouse or Irish champion, we don't like seeing good booze go to waste.

Then its time for the lowlight of the day...THE WINNERS PRESS CONFERENCE! I take a twisted pleasure in this, as its so awful, its great! You can take any conference over the last 20 years and you'd almost be able to play it over film of any other conference. "The car handled great, the crew was great ,blah,blah, ad infinitum". Although, yesterday the 3'rd driver was on about how the car was great, all weekend and there was no problems or complaints. Just it wasn't fast enough, in the race! I don't know , but i would've thought that was something to worry about for a multi million pound- F1 Racing car, but maybe thats me being picky.

Then there's the ads. Those on the chest and arms must be 'the Biggies' and i'd assume as you go down the drivers body , the ad space price falls, except, of course when you come to the drivers 'bum'....Thats were research has found ads for womens 'things' seem to work well. Women, being the funny creatures they are don't seem to get excited by the Bridgestone, or whatever tyre logo the drivers display on their caps, there i told you they were funny creatures.