FOR YOUR EYES ONLY...TOP SECRET....IT'S NEARLY CHRISTMAS !

Last year it felt like christmas started about June. This year i feel like it has been quite quiet and we've been spared the x-Mas torture of non stop adverts of people in sweaters and bobble hats going up snowy roads to collect parcels wrapped in bows and wrapping paper on shelves ,i wonder how they know what they're buying as they're already wrapped up to go under the tree by the roaring log fire. At christmas ,everyone has a roaring log fire....The rest of the year they have boring old central heating? Getting the shopping in during our weekly jaunt to Asda i let a loud groan out as that god-awful CLIFF RICHARD  song about "logs on the fire and happy children ,etc ,etc" was played throughout the store i thought, "'ere we go! It's started." But  i thought 3 weeks before the days not too much overkill

There is a reason that i think i may have missed a lot of the build up. My darling daughter is mostly ensconsed in the back room watching NETFLIX, on the computer ,skyping and texting. The Lovely Lynne is working away or home late ,but it means i plough through SKY+ , ON DEMAND and the SKY MOVIES,etc....This means that i manage to almost totally avoid advertisments. These telly channels and services mean you find yourself ploughing through continuous episodes of various series. Recently i'm going through a spy /action phase. I've ploughed through the STRIKE BACK series ,tons of blood and snot; The lovely arse kicking assassin  MAGGIE Q as goverment assassin NIKITA; PERSON OF INTEREST about an ex C.I.A. assassin who's trying to help people. But i got the DVD collection of the classic CALLAN; I waded through the BOND films to brace myself for the long awaited SPECTRE, which i've seen a mere 3 times and i managed to catch THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E. which i also enjoyed. So while the rest of the world has been warming in the pre -festive glow i've been living an imaginary life of  extreme violence from mean steely- eyed charming ex-special services spies. Santa  better watch out when i comes a calling as i go to bed with my WALTHER PPK, Bonds weapon or Callans NOGUCHI 38 MAGNUM under my pillow.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, HAPPEEY BIRTHDAY TO-OO MEE-EE. HAPP-EE BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!..49 NOT(quite) OUT !!!

Well, it's my birthday you ignorant shower. Maybe i overlooked the 3foot mound of envelopes on the mat inside the front door containing the mounds of birthday cards that've no doubt poured through this morning,to bring your love and respect to me on this very special day ; Give me joy n' pleasure and give the post man a hernia. On my way to the first pot of tea of the day i wouldn't have been capable of noticing a post van parked at the bottom of the stairs. But when my eyesight'kicked in' after my 3rd mug of heavily sugared tea, my 20/20 vision could see the doormat perfectly. Totally unobscured by a mass of birthday cards...YOU MISERABLE HEARTLESS BASTARDS!!!.....I am now 49 years of age , and worse than that i am now in my 50th year.....Excuse me while i go and sever some vitally important blood vessel, will ya.

I was born when the world was black n' white; The Beatles hadn't formed, you listened to Slim Whitman and Jim Reeves and Cliff Richard and Adam Faith and enjoyed it? Doctor Who wasn't even thought of. Steam engines filled Lime street station and powered past our old house. And if you went 49 years before my birth , i'd have been alive during the First World war. Oh god this is getting worse. I am now at that age where there are plenty of old people ,but wherever you go you seem to be the oldest. Thankfully i've retained my youthful good looks whereas many of you haven't. There is, ironically a shaft of sunlight beaming through the darkness...My birthday is ST SWITHINS day and when it pisses down on this day, it pisses down for 40 days and 40 nights, so enjoy my birthday..Cos its hammering down.