THE STRAIN OF BEING TOTALLY RELAXED AND THE WORLD ARM WRESTLING CHAMPIONSHIP..."LETS CALL IT A DRAW!"....

                                                                                                         

In my younger days of early Karate training ,like all youngsters i wanted to be tough n' hard and tensed muscles all the time and jaw ache from clenching my teeth. This was before i discovered the arts of relaxation after the science of pure bone idleness. I discovered Tai-Chi and the incredible speed and power that training slowly and gently with proper breathing can give you. This was a real eye opening moment ,the holy grail for a died in the wooly-bed blanket lazy bastard !

We used to go to boozers all over the place on our'jolly boys outings!' After a 'skinful' it was time to put the locals in their place. As the groups muscely little bugger i got pulled into the arm wrestling and grinding of teeth ,muscle popping grunting n' straining ensued. I didn't do too bad ,but the tendons in the wrist and in the crook of the arm got a good straining.

Managed to ease off all this silly stuff and recently i had an arm wrestle and relaxed myself instead of powering into it and "dang my thighs" if it didn't work !?....The secret to everything is relaxation, simple as that ,but it's hard to totally relax ,knackering stuff this relaxation, let me tell you !

DURING A HIGH KARATE KICK WHICH IS WORSE THE SOUND OF CRACKING JOINTS ,PULLING LIGAMENTS AND TENDONS OR THE RIPPING OF TROUSERS?

Every Kung Fu and Karate practitioner spends ages putting themselves through warm up and stretching excercises before and after the training session so they can throw high thrusting, snapping, roundhouse, spinning kicks of all kinds and angles ,front, side ,back, etc ,but all ,mainly due to films want to kick to their opponents head.

Without a doubt head kicks are most spectacular. Flatten someone with a spinnig back roundhouse kick and you'll feel and be thought of as the 'Dogs bollocks' until the next time you get beaten or flattened or use a boring low front snap kick and your arsenal of spectacular 'Dogs bollocks' kicks becomes the 'usual load o' bollocks!'

In non contact Karate competition the fighters tend to use lower wider stances and go for the high kicks whereas the full contact use narrower stances  and boxing style guards , but interestingly use low kicks to the outer and inner thighs, not so much the knees as damage can occur, mind you those nutty THAI BOXERS probably boot 'em anywhere ,they use lots of low painful kicks ,but since they train 23 1/2 hours , 7 days a week they can use high kicks to great effect to knock out opponents. Even MMA, etc don't use THAT much high kicks, using low kicks ,knees, fists, elbows and throws and locks as it's not point scoring it is beating your opponent in a fight.

Out in the ' mean streets ' People can, sadly get into a bit of grief! The fight, if it does 'kick off' will normally be the good ol 'KNUCKLE BUTTY!' Very rarely will anyone be able to launch a fight stopping kick to the head. Most martial artists are average blokes ,or ladies and the only way they will be able to get a kick up to the dizzying heights required is after a good 1/2 hour stretching warm up excercise session ,which, unfairly as it may seem , your opponent wont be the level of gentleman needed to allow his opponent to warm up.

The sad truth most people have seconds to dive into 'the mill' as the prizefighters used to call it. If 'our hero was to throw a head kick 99.99999%   will hear a variety or cacophany of a series of horrendous teeth grindingly awful sounds made worse as they come from your own body as ligaments and tendons twang; Joints click and crack, not only does it sound painful ,but it is painful and will be for days ,if not weeks after.

If you throw the kick ,not only may you cause untold suffering and strain upon your joints, but even those who could throw the kick are further restrained by the trousers they wear, it is ridiculous that we spend years turning into human fighting machines , as long as you wear the loose fighting pyjama-like Karate Gi we are fine. Then when we need to use our long hard learnt lessons we can't because we'll split our trousers. The energy needed to flatten your opponent will be drastically reduced by the energy required to tear the seams of your trousers apart!Which is worse the cracking and twanging of joints or the RRRIIIPPPING of your trousers in front of a full pub or in front of the girl of your dreams as well as your opponents mates?

The only fellah i knew who could walk into a fight and flatten multiple opponents with full blown Karate foot work  as he worked on club doors in his suit around clubs in Liverpool was the immortal TERRY O'NEILL,there are many stories of 'the guv'nor's exploits, Dig out DENNIS MARTIN'S book about life on the Liverpool doors, 'WORKING WITH WARRIORS'.

After years of clicking joints the slow TAI-CHI excercises have allowed me to kick high anytime, but again that is .....TROUSERS ALLOWING! 

WHEN KARATE STUDENTS ARE STRETCHING DONT CRACK YOUR KNUCKLES ,THEY'RE JOINTS MIGHT LOOSEN ,BUT THEIR HEARING SHARPENS!

Whenever a KARATE class starts for the first 20 minutes or so the students get into strange postures and bounce and jerk as they try and stretch and loosen their joints ,ligaments and tendons. Along with the grunting, groaning and gasping there is the odd click,crack and grinding sound as joints ,balls n' sockets ,etc bend in unusal angles and positions...Some may say unatural rather than unusual!

As you find yourself straining your ,mainly leg joints, you can hear the internal straining noises as your body grumbles and moans about the beastly treatment your putting your ever trustworthy frame through. 

As you go through all this you also are aware of the external and internal protestations of the bodies around you, some not as in possibly as good a physical state as yourself causing some real teeth clenching ,stomach churning joint grinding, cracking and oddly popping type sounds , but sometimes they can confuse you as you sometimes wonder was that tortured joint cracking your own knee or hip ball n' socket joint.

I remember one evening in a room full of straining grunting gasping students all in lines trying to adopt a sideways full splits, a very odd sight to a passer by. All the years i trained and stretched the one thing i never mastered or came near to was a sideways splits. I was fairly suptle and even with my short stubby legs allowed me to kick to head height even to this day.But this evening our instructor who was a real 'KNUCKLE CRACKER'....Knuckle crackers're a strange breed and are fascinated with the grinding crunch of  simultaneous 5 knuckles at a time 'CRAK! CRAK! CRAK! CRAK! CRAK! Some impressive ones can crack the thumb as well, but the more they do it the stiffer the fingers get and the easier and louder the knuckles crack!

As we stretched and strained in our attempts at the splits he walked behind and interlocked his fingers and did a thunderous 10 -KNUCKLE CRACK!!!.... I honestly shit myself convinced i'd  wrecked my hip joints and was on my way for plastic hips within the hour. As i looked about me in abject fear and panic waiting for the pain to kick in which it was bound to any second now! The strangest sight met me, everybody was like me , in that bloody awkward position, but also, like me they were looking from their groin, hips and around the room in blind abject panic! Then slowly the realisation that we weren't  lifelong cripples and paraplegics, but it was a knobhead instructor who passes his spare time cracking his knuckles kicked in and a collective sigh of relief filled the room . The relaxation helped us sink deeper into our sad attempt at the splits.

Like the cracking of knuckles where the joints stiffen and crack easier the more you do it, the stretching excercises , bending and bouncing which i followed faithfully for donkeys years i now realise didn't do a lot of good. After the training my hips would click and be stiff after being seated for a while. My knees were 'shocking!'...If i bent down i could guarantee an explosive 'KEEERRRAACCKK!!''....I remember being in WH SMITHS bending down for a magazine when my knees exploded and everybody in the shop just shuddered and clenched their teeth in horror and disgust ,i ended up apologising for my cracking knees.

Years later in my 40's i started TAI-CHI while living abroad and now i'm 55(ouch!)....I train in a Tai-Chi manner ,slow and relaxed . Ideal training for a lazy bastard ,the slower and more relaxed ,the better. But a very odd thing has happened . My speed and power as well as stamina has improved as breathing is very important. Try not breathing and see how far you get! But my suptleness is better now than when i was a youngster ,grunting ,tensing and straining and stretching .My joints dont click at all. Much as it pains me to admit it , in some respects i'm growing old gracefully, but in many other ways ,thankfully i'm making up for that by doing the rest thoroughly disgracefully i'm proud to say.

NEVER CRACK YOUR KNUCKLES WHEN PEOPLE ARE DOING STRETCHING EXCERCISES!

 Years and years ago in the 1970's i started KARATE training.....When you went into the school gymn we would immediatly start warming up excercises which included a variety of stretching excercises. These consisted of spreading and bending the legs and hips in a variety of cringe forming positions of a totally unatural positions and then once you'd forced yourself into this god awful ,painful position , you then started bouncing to force yourself further into the position to pull the ligaments and tendons. And to add to the fun and twanging tendons ,clicking knees and hips we would have a fun-packed time as partners would press you down into the splits leaning on your shoulders or as you lent against a wall with your leg in the air in front or to the side, they would put their shoulder under and push them further up.....Oh happy days!

I was always able to kick to head height insofar as i'm physically a short arse , with short stubby legs. Many of my fellow Karatekas were able to do the splits and the longer limbed had amazing kicking abilities, but to this day i still cannot do the splits, but could deliver a hefty boot within the limits of my god-taken limited reach.

The funny thing was before i did any training i had to do this 10-20 minute warm up, but when i walked about my hips often felt quite stiff. But the fun started with my knees. Whenever i knelt down my knees used to click horrendously.......I remember looking at the magazines in a branch of W.H.SMITHS.....I wasn't looking at the high level mags, but the comics at the bottom.....I knelt down and this 'K-K-KRACK!!!!' as my knees cracked horribly!.......Everybody in the shop went into a hyper-cringe mode, they looked at me with horror and wondered how a young fit looking teenager could be racked with arthritis and rheumatism!....I shruggled and smiled with a slight touch of embarressment and left the shop.

The funny thing is that when i went to live in India i was introduced to TAI-CHI by SENSEI SUBRAMANYAN. This introduction shaped my KARATE and changed my life as after a few years i'd learnt a lot from the slow relaxed movement of the TAI-CHI and the great MASTER KANAZAWA one of the true masters whom i had the pleasure of meeting on a couple of occassions and he'd studied TAI-CHI with his KARATE for many years and introduced me to the benefits of relaxed movement with proper breathing. A TAI-CHI sifu, MR WONG in KUALUR LUMPUR explained breathing to me and when we stretched instead of the tendon twanging ligament tugging bouncing stuff we would adopt a position and gently stretch using deep breathing.

When i came home and wasn't able to train at various clubs due to transport difficulties i started traing in my Karate moves and techniques in a slow relaxed Tai-Chi way ,concenterating on breathing . When i trained in a club i just did as i was told and would punch and kick with full power ,grunting and yelling like you'd expect. But the time by myself  i suddenly began to understand stuff i'd taken for granted for all my life, why did i have to do this or that , when i did this or that?.....But now i'm nearly 55 , i'm faster and more powerful and more supple than i've ever been ....No cracking, clicking joints.

Slower is faster....Gentler is stronger....The mystical internal energy ,CHI, if you like is all in the breathing, it all hinges on the breathing.....Just stop breathing for 10 minutes and see how you feel!

HIROKAZU KANAZAWA...THE MASTER !

When i were 'nobbut a lad' in the 60's n' early 70's ,my dad took me to the FORDS social club and for the next few months i was slung around the mat of the JUDO club......after that closed ,he then took me to a local school were they were doing this KARATE thingey.....This was well before BRUCE LEE and 'KUNG FU' on the telly....KARATE was JAMES BOND,etc chopping guards on the back of the neck to knock them out to aid their attempt at breaking into various secret enemy bases.

That afternoon ,during a school holiday we'd been thrown out of WIDNES BATHS, now long gone ,for being little scally pains in the arse . The guy who slung us out was reasonable and polite ,but you wouldn't argue with him. As we entered the KARATE class for that first time and asked the instructor if we could join in ,we got a shock when it turned out it was the same fellah who slung us out ,but SENSEI JOHN TATTUM didn't seemed to notice and was a nice bloke and over the next few years ,a great sensei teaching KARATE  in all its forms and techniques ,unlike today where it is basically sport orientated and a lot of techniques and basics are neglected.

I discovered 'FIGHTING ARTS' magazine published and edited by the great TERRY O'NEILL, who ,in later years i was blessed in having as my sensei for a few years. One of his two main Japanese senseis that came to ENGLAND in the 60's and ,basically started the whole 'sheebang'!....ENOEDA KEINOSUKE, nicknamed the TIGER!.....And for good reason. He was amazing ,took a love for the UK and stayed and basically made the BRITISH great ,esspecially the LIVERPOOL RED TRIANGLE the best in the world ! With him ,in charge was KANAZAWA HIROKAZU....Who didn't stay as long in the UK, but made his mark as they were two absolute masters of their art and decades later the top karateka's  have these two to thank.

In the FIGHTING ARTS  magazine was an article on KANAZAWA with pictures of flying kicks ,etc ,all great stuff to a killing machine schoolboy, who promptly found two books by KANAZAWA and ENOEDA and much to my shame 'nicked them!

I read a lot about KANAZAWA , he was a bit more 'mystical' and i was fascinated. I met and trained with ENOEDA twice ,i remember accidentally walking into him ,and he stood with golden skin and gleaming white KARATE GI.....He glowed, i was stunned, i mean nothing gleamed in WIDNES!...Then his speed and power was awsome , he scared the living daylights out of me

KANAZAWA who had been a student of the JKA(Japanese Karate Association) in the 70's had some problems and formed his own breakaway organisation the S.K.I.(Shotokan Karate International) which in the years since i think is possibly one ,if not ,the biggest organisation on the planet ,but it meant KANAZAWA spent most of his life criss crossing the globe training seminors for his beloved and faithful followers in the S.K.I.

When i went to live in INDIA i met up with SENSEI  SUBERAMANYAN who i joined up to train at some god awful time ,in the park ,every morning. The difference between my time in LIVERPOOL training with the KUGB(Karate Union Of Great Britain) was that the training was hard and physical and started leaning towards competition, stretching ,tension and grunting and screaming ,but the SKI incorporated TAI-CHI and KANAZAWA had a heavy emphasis on breathing ,which i didn't understand for a long time. I loved the TAI-CHI and would love to get back into it,but theres just no one nearby. SENSEI SUBRAMANYAN then told me after a terrible injury i'd suffered as i was getting back on my feet literally ,we'd moved to KUALUR LUMPUR and he called from INDIA to invite me over as KANCHO KANAZAWA was coming to BANGALORE and would i like to meet and train with him.....Would i /???????

I met him ,spoke with him ,dined with him and he was an amazing man ,a humble ,friendly ,very humourous man. We had a few days training and unbeknownst to me SENSEI SUBRAMANYAN had explained my problems to KANCHOso he watched me over the few days to determine wether i was due to recieve my BLACK BELT. i had been training very slow relaxed excercises as i was trying desperatly to get back into some form of shape, which i did and found the ability to move with speed and power using relaxation. Kancho explained breathing , but i was so used to the grunting way of doing things i couldn't adapt.I had been doing things as i was told never relly understanding ,so much. Only when i started the TAI-CHI and  I met KANCHO KANAZAWA and  SENSEI SUBRAMANYAN did it suddenly make sense.  A year or so later and spent some time with KANAZAWA again thanks to IRENE TCH a good friend and representative for the SKI in MALAYSIA and he explained again his philosophy again. It took a year or so for me to understand and now i have the speed and power and flexibility ,better than any other time in my life by the use of his advice about relaxing ,breathing and harmony. When i read about him now i constantly rediscover something new ,i'm 53 ,but ,at last its falling into place. 

ONE THE DAY IN bangalore After the gradings had taken place ,i was summoned out at the end ,after he'd gone through every single person with a bit of advice for all. I was called 'MISTER TIM', nobody could say LEATHERBARROW, i had to join him on stage as we filled some documents and certificates ,he never said anything about my technique, but said i needed to improve my handwriting!......My Karates fine, but my handwriting stinks!....As i left the stage the whole hall erupted in cheering and clapping for me...After the hell i'd been through.....MRS SUBRAMANYAN was sitting at the back of the hall with a huge smile .....You can take the lad out of LIVERPOOL, but you can't take LIVERPOOL out of the lad..My martial art discipline, walking straight and erect totally collapsed.I held my fist up ,shouted "YEEESSSSSSS!!!!" then burst into tears, i'd survived a life threatening accident ,recovered ,met my hero and he awarded me my black belt ,quite frankly the best moment in my life, family aside!

The poster for the training seminar was a spectacular shot of KANAZAWA kicking a block of ice to smithereens.....When he entered the hall he got a splinter in his big toe and had to wear a bandage tied round it with sort of rabbit ears sticking up. which he thought as funny as me as i burst out laughing ,as everyone else was trying to be subtle and repectful, as i said ...You can take the lad!......

Soke KANAZAWA is in his 80's , i believe he had a skiing accident and is suffering a little ,but retired from 'leggin' around the world constantly ,his excellent assistant instructors who've travelled trained and taught with him for years as well as his sons ,all excellent martial artists in their own right taking hold and carrying the KANAZAWA/ SKI torch onwards.

HUNT EMERSON ; VEGETABLES, EXPLOSIVE INTERNAL COMBUSTION AND THE ROUGHEST, TOUGHEST KARATE CLUB IN THE WORLD !!!1!1

BACON BEAUTY

My old mate HUNT EMERSON....A fairly decent cartoonist in his own right and an okay comic strip artist of world renown recently commented on the above cartoon ..."GROTESQUE, DEAR BOY!"...which coming from the sick twisted mind of mr HUNT EMERSON can be looked on  as the ultimate accolade..... One of the many weird and odd facets of the EMERSON character ,of which there are more than a  lot, let me tell you!!!.....One off the oddest to me being an out n' out carnivor, is that HUNT EMERSON is a  VEGETARIAN.....yes!...A VEGGIE!

A number of years ago i stayed with HUNT  as i was working at the N.E.C. complex in Birmingham. I hadn't seen the old fellah for a wee while and we talked and gulped a fair bit of drink far into the couple of nights i intruded upon his very kind hospitality. He cooked me a couple of very ,suprisingly for me ,tasty vegetarian dishes. Which i thouroughly enjoyed....Until the next day!

The next day as was working surrounded by hundreds of people as i was doing caricatures at some trade fair , i made a shocking personal discovery. Vegetables give me wind!!!....Not just wind ,but shocking wind ,basically i was farting my bloody brains out.

A few years later when we were living in India , i had  a bad accident with a plate glass window whilst warming up a Karate class, to this day i dont know what happened . Did i hyperventilate ,or have a fit???..But a heap of severed tendons and sliced arteries later the students and sensei carried the mess that was me to a local hospital,spurting blood all over everybody within 20 yards basically saving my life. I awoke surrounded by people absolutly plastered in blood. Some in Karate gi's ;track suits ,tee shirts and some in shirts and trousers ,all plastered in my life giving blood. I was rushed in to emergency surgery . While i was getting resusitated three times, apparently ,they all went to a chinese retaurant nearby. I was told much to my morphine boosted amusement the following day that they got some weird looks from the staff and customers. I told SENSEI SUBRAMANYAN that they probably wont get many new students as everybody seeing them all plastered in blood must've said .."...GEEZ!...THAT IS ONE TOUGH KARATE CLASS!"...

The hospital was run by a religious group who were strict vegetarian and the food was strictly basic veggie fare. I ate and lay there with both legs in plaster and in stirrups pointing at 10 to 2...A lot like a pregnant women......

Illiciting more than a few cracks about my contractions and had my waters burst yet ? and when was 'it' due? etc,etc....Aside from the legs my right arm was in plaster held up by a sling ,my left arm although thouroughly bandaged was let hang loose, but it was enough for me to be hand fed for a few days. Then ,it started!!!! The gurgling and the build up of pressure in my stomach as it actually distended before my eyes, as the internal pressure dials rotated'into the red'!

The room was empty so i thought i'd just sneak a little'PARP!' out,to ease the pressure off slightly, c'mon you all do it! But that was not to be ,my insides exploded like a deflating ZEPPELLIN with a sound like the fog horn of THE QUEEN MARY....Just as the ward sister came in through the door and faced me through my  spread legs, which was the sight that greeted everyone who entered. She was pinned  by a mighty horrendous blast of  gaseous pressure to the wall until she dropped to the floor as the pressure dropped and the pressure gauges dropped out 'of the red'. She looked at me absolutly stunned and shocked.....She was attractive in a stern way, but she suddenly burst into laughter and the two of us couldnt stop for ages, every time she came in after she'd duck or skip past my exposed danger area, but it wasn't a one off, even THE LOVELY LYNNEwho originally was going to stay in my room took to  going home and taking the visiting option. When they finally let me out all i wanted was to go for a meal and eat a steak ,a bloody big one!

SENSEI,TERRY O'NEILL TEACHING A SHORT ARSED CARTOONIST HOW TO SPILL BLOOD INSTEAD OF INK!

Last Saturday i went along to a Karate Dojo ....Thats a martial arts training hall for all you out there whos hands aren't trained to be deadly weapons and whose body isn't a finely honed fighting machine, much like meself, i looked it up! The Dojo was recently opened by SENSEI,BRIAN BENTHAM, just off junction 25 off the northbound M6 . He's done a good job too and intends running courses in various martial arts and fitness virtually every day of the week and good luck to him. But on this Saturday he got one of the legends of world Karate ,Liverpools own TERRY O'NEILL.

As i've described in the previous blog all about Terry and my relationship with the man himself theres no point repeating it all, but it was good to see 'The Guv'nor' TERRY O'NEILL again after all these years. And i was pleased and flattered that he still remembered me......He said to me as we went for a break ,"Hey ,Tim yer still mad,aren't you!", but thankfully he was smiling. He also ,thankfully laughed and seemed pleased when i gave him the caricature which i did for the blog piece. And he let me live ,thank you, Sensei!

The dojo was full and Terry took us through various movements and techniques. Over the years he's picked up a few injuries and bangs from experts and was suffering from a long time smashed knee ,which i was present when he horrendously injured it at Crystal Palace in the 80's. He also had a few bandages over other parts ,but was still moving well and demonstrating. He talked a lot and explained all kinds of stuff and encouraged questions throughout. I for one was fascinated at some of the stuff and a lot of anecdotes and humour flowed.

O'NEILL through his career has fought in competitions throughout the world and has worked in security and 'on the doors' so has seen what real fighting is all about. Most people haven't a clue and couldn't take a smack never mind give one. He explained that ,say a punch in the mouth is useless as the opponent can still come on ,even if he's lost teeth or whatever. Theres the legendary 'driving the nose through the brain!.....pure rubbish.....He went through a lot of what we thought we'd do in a fight and most would be a waste of time, as ,say at night in town when a few things start getting a bit hairy and the scallies start with the drink or drugs firing them on and the fact that so many people can actually fight nowadays, fit n' hard and train in the myriad of martial arts clubs that abound all over these days;KARATE ,MMA, KICKBOXING,etc.....And  these guys can take a dig as well as give it,it becomes vital to hit properly and in the right places.

TERRY loves Karate and that is obvious, but he has no doubts that a lot of people who train do so for fitness and wouldn't last a second in combat conditions and the 'never hit first' mantra is a load of cobblers ,if they move 'plant 'em!' There was a lot to think about.

Throughout he told stories to make points as the thought patterns bounced around like a pinball, which covered so much. It was a great day ,Terry and Brian seemed to enjoy it as did all who queued for pictures with the guv'nor later, which he happily did taken by his mate of many years BRIAN McKINNEY who warmed us up ,playing tick?.....He explained ,that we should imagine ,instead of 'a tick' with the hand on the head or leg, but a stanley knife!!!!!......That got us moving , believe me!


Terry seemed to enjoy the sessions and with his pinball like delivery stories and anecdotes bounced out and about making points and entertaining as well, theres a lot had me thinking all week and no doubt for much longer!

(SENSEI)..TERRY O'NEILL: LIVERPOOL'S OWN KARATE MASTER, TAUGHT CONAN THE BARBARIAN HOW TO FIGHT AND HAS FOUGHT AND BEAT HUNDREDS OF OPPONENTS ...EXCEPT FOR GRACE JONES AND JASON ISSACS !!!!!!

Anybody who has done any KARATE has heard of the RED TRIANGLE school in LIVERPOOL. This was one of the first schools were the legendary Japanese masters ,KANAZAWA and ENOEDA started training when they first arrived in the 60's. All the members have become Karate legends and comprised the national squad for many many years. But one of the 'Main men' was a certain TERRY O'NEILL. 

ONEILL ,apparently was fascinated with feats of great strength ,etcas a boy and in later years started developing his body and in later years was a full blown body builder. A lot of people say that you cannot develop muscle and retain the speed and power that Karate requires, but O'NEILL managed it .He's a tall bloke anyhow, but with bulging bits was pretty intimidating and with his speed and incredible flexibility combined with this strength and power it's no suprise that the American magazine BLACK BELT named him the no1 in their list of 'DEADLIEST FIGHTERS ON THE PLANET'!.....Not bad for a 'limey' in an American journal?

Whenever he fought in competition he would be spectacular ,not to show off, but he was aware that he had an arsenal of weapons and utilised ,basically everything, whereas many others have their favourite tecnique and don't often waver from that. O'NEILL has amazing kicking abilities with the 7 foot legs he has and the fists aren't to be argued with either.

He has worked on 'the doors'....Security at clubs throughout LIVERPOOL even the CAVERN in the long gone days of yore. Apparently ,even in real situations 'on the street' his kicking was spectacular "All that BRUCE LEE stuff that nobody can do in a fight!".....Well he did!

I had the honour of training at his DOJO in the 80's...It was behind his martial art shop ,THE SAMURAI. I asked if i could train and he was very friendly, but informed me with a cold hooded look that if i didn't use control i would be sparring with him, I gulped and hoped that my sphincter wouldn't let me down and stammered "Yyyes, SSssensei!"....And a few times a week i sweated my cobblers off busting a gut ,training as hard as i could . One night i was giving it my all, until i happened to glance to the side and there was a tasty lady with an exposed low cup bra ,with contents on display....As my knees wobbled and my fists few all over the place, suddenly i could see the ceiling, the floor and the ceiling again before an almight thump and me gasping for breath as i hit the wooden floor....SENSEI O'NEILL had seen what had distracted me, swept my feet from under me then stepped across me looking down with a wry grin and just said "CONCENTRATE!"

Aside from teaching,training and competing he published FIGHTING ARTS INTERNATIONAL magazine ,quite simply the best martial arts magazine ever. He interviewed ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER( i bet you never thought i'd get that right!)....And got a small role in the second CONAN THE BARBARIAN film and got walloped ,along with most of the Hollywood stuntmen by the mercurial GRACE JONES who didn't quite follow the planned fight moves. 

His acting career took off and he appeared with a variety of stars in some pretty prestigious films and telly shows. One , a story of ex soldiers called 'CIVVIES'...O'NEILL was a nasty sergeant in Ireland during 'De trubles!!'....His antagonist was JASON ISSACS. An issue of FIGHTING ARTS was late due to his filming commitments, but he didn't say that. He told a tale of how a personal grievence had finally blown up and sorted by a fight with pictures of O'NEILL and  ISSACS, both looking battered and beaten ,O'NEILL didn't look as bad ,although he had ,he pointed out been beaten.

The following issue of FIGHTING ARTS was taken up by all those occuppying the moral high ground and voicing their disgust at how a respected Karateka like TERRY O'NEILL would lower himself to this behaviour. Much embarressment for them ensued, i hope as later on in the issue , O'NEILL wrote an article about the filming of a really brutal fight between the two characters that ended the series, i've still got it somewhere on old VHS tape and it's a stormer, but JASON ISSACS  won.

I haven't seen SENSEI TERRY O'NEILL for many years ,although we did speak on the phone for a few minutes months ago. I'm not training with a club currently, but O'NEILL is holding a seminar for a day nearby in a week or two, so i'm training myself as a form of damage limitation, so i dont get too hurt....Only joking ,i'm looking foreward to seeing my old teacher and hope he's not too upset at the caricature!

ACHES N' PAINS N' SORE BITS AND HOW HEALTH N' FITNESS IS A PAIN IN THE ARSE!!!!!

  Years ago there was a telly programme called GLADIATORS where all these muscley false tanned ladies n' gents used to do strange physical tasks for the enjoyment of the studio and viewing audience. They all had dramatic names like WOLF and YORKSHIRE TERRIER, etc.....Not really i cant remember the others ,there might of been a PHOENIX  in there ,but generally like all fit sculpted body people they were a strange bunch. 

There was a time when people used to do excercise to get fit ,things like 'jerks' and swinging of arms like soldiers in the morning when exercise was known as PHYSICAL JERKSas shown in those old war timePUBLIC INFORMATION FILMS... and the most technical was a press up or sit up. But now nobody plays sport(goverment cutbacks and money starved property developers removing playing areas and pitches,etc,but that's for another blog!).... or does physical occupations or pastimes ,so now they jump in their car and go to the posh gym which they've spent a fortune to bust a gut and sweat their cobblers off on a variety of very weird and wonderful looking torture devices. It has always been a source of amusement to me going past a leisure centre and seeing hundreds of people running on the spot all facing out at the traffic oblivious of the world passing in front of them as they've got ear phones on or watching the telly above them as drivers and pedestrians are laughing at them and commenting to each other ,"Look at them knob'eads!"....."It's a lot cheaper running around the block!".....

I know a lot of people who 'Go to the gym' and all of them are always complaining of aches and pains i've come to the conclusion that this healthy living will kill you. Whereas in the old days people were active and did their 'physical jerks' nowadays every muscle has a huge machine bearing a vast array of weights to strain this or that particular muscle, so people can develop whatever part of their body they want,mostly for appearance sake rather than health and fitness sake. Muscles have become a fashion statement, like most fashions they come and go and are designed. Take the abdominal muscles ,or as us in the know refer to them as 'AB's', or now the SIX-PACK Every pop or movie star ,etc has the 6-pack. The 6-pack is top of everybodies fitness shopping list, but is totally unnatural. You look at all the movie stars from before BRAD PITT,etc in the 80's back, CHARLTON HESTON,etc and not one of them have the 6-PACK!

You see people walking around town in the middle of winter blizzards in tee-shirts because they have to show their gym pumped bulk, funny thing is most work on their arms and have huge barrel like chests and powerful thick arms and sad spindly neglected legs. A lot of these muscle jocks accentuate their muscle with tatooes, i can't help thinking come the day when the gym membership isn't renewed and the pleasures of laziness and bone-idleness sets in and the muscle starts to shrink, does the tatoo shrivel like a picture on a scrunched up piece of paper.

I trained in KARATYE for many a year and like most young fellahs i used muscle power convinced that ,that was the way it was done ,but to do that you had to be fit and had to be warmed up before you could even start. Now i'm a middle aged old fart i've realised that is wrong. All fighters ,etc are finished by their 30's as their body can't maintain that strain. I discovered TAI-CHI when we lived in INDIA 10 years ago and combined with KARATE i discovered this insane method of training where, instead of speed and power ,general busting a gut ,et al....The slower and more relaxed you moved the better. My KARATE developed speed and power from going in totally the opposite direction, for a lazy bastard like me ,this was proof there is a god and he's a feckin' genius! I'm currently training myself to do a Karate seminar with one of the real Karate greats SENSEI TERRY O'NEILL....As i'm not with a club i'm training myself so i don't get too badly beaten. But the secret of Karate as explained to me once by the great Japanese master HIROKAZU KANAZAWA is in breathing ,relax and breathe and the speed and power is there. The amazing thing is  i dont get stiff i dont even have to warm up, but it is advised, i'm a middle aged old fart and i can kick above my head although i've never been able to do the splits even after all these years of stretching excercises, but ah well......And i don't have a 6-pack , but i can take a punch in the gut off anybody.

DOMINIQUE VALERA: THE KING/THE CAT....ONE FRENCH FIGHTER YOU WOULDN'T WANT A PUNCH OR A KICK DANS LA GOB FROM !!!!!

When i were 'nobbut a lad' and discovered the martial arts ,originally through a few cheap photocopied sheets stapled together on even cheaper paper, i still thought it was great stuff. Then the great man himself came along...SENSEI TERRY O'NEILL....With his bible for all martial artists FIGHTING ARTS MAGAZINE(For the serious martial artist!....Not me , but i read it)...In the early days of the 70's when the legends of Karate were fighting for the national squad and mainly from LIVERPOOL..;THE RED TRIANGLE; KIRKDALE,etc,etc. Glory days indeed. They lasted for years ,but the greats ;O'neill, Sherry, Higgins ,Brennan, and on are still remembered with awe. I'd've loved to train at THE RED TRIANGLE, but never built up the courage to go and have the shit kicked outta me by the experts. I came close and had some great years training with the boss hisself TERRY O'NEILL....He worked the doors around the fair city of LIVERPOOL for donkeys years and was a legend. People say "Aw you cant do all that BRUCE LEE spinning back kick shit in a real fight!", But Terry could and did. The A merican magazine BLACK BELT named him the deadliest fighter in the world or something along those fairly impressive lines ,remember this is the yanks talking about a limey!.... Look out for a book called 'WORKING WITH WARRIORS' written by a good buddy of O'NEILLS, DENNIS MARTIN. That's got some good stories . TERRY O'NEILL was a stupendous competiiton fighter as well, inovative and spectacular and still talked about years after injury put an end to his competition side.

Another name from them faroff days of FIGHTING ARTS was a contoversial french bloke by the name of DOMINIQUE VALERA. He is a French fighter and through the late 60's and 70's he cut a swathe through anybody daft enough to stand against him. He was nicknamed 'THE CAT' or 'THE KING'...His movements and style were apparently very smooth and distinctive. The American BLACK BELT MAGAZINE named him top fighter on numerous occassions. VALERA'S  moment of infamy came during the World Championships in Long Beach, California. During a fight VALERA felt a decision was unfair and smacked one of the judges and was banned from competing in international KARATE tournaments ,ever again!....VALERA stayed in AMERICA for a while and met and eventually befriended a U.S. FULL-CONTACT/KICKBOXER, by the name of BILL(Superfoot) WALLACE. He is a living legend and has never been beaten for most of his career, which is suprising as he only uses one foot and mainly one hand. His right leg was turned to mush in a judo fall and, i think he wears a brace on it, but he trained his left leg and  it tops speeds people just can't imagine, if you find him on YOU-TUBE you'll see this leg and foot lashing out like a bullwhip or a snake strike it is astounding. Other fighters know exactly what they're going to get, but can't do anything about it. Valera trained with WALLACE and joined the ranks of the proffessional AMERICAN KICKBOXING or one of various names it was known by ,but it had a huge following. Apparently our French hero did quite well before returning home to promote full contact training around France, look him up on the internet as he combines the loose fighting style with traditional Karate self defence.

I'm still working on a TERRY O'NEILL caricature so i'll bung it on here whenever i manage to complete it , i'm not going to upset any of these guys for you lot!

ZEN AND THE ART OF SHAVING YOUR HEAD ,TATTOOEING YOURSELF ALL OVER GOING IN A CAGE AND PUNCHING THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER!!

                                                                              I do enjoy watching the various sports channels and watch a bit of KICKBOXING,or the increasingly popular MMA, MIXED MARTIAL ARTS  mayhem which is becoming increasingly popular. The two cartoons which i have put up for your delectation were done a while ago and the more eagle eyed and pedantic nit picking pains in the arse amongst you will recognise as being used before ,although i prefer to look at it as artistic recycling of a sort. The top one was when our beloved P.M. DAVID CAMEROON  was fighting our cause for something or other with our oldest friends across the channel. I thought they should let them slug it out in a cage fight. Likewise when the elections were taking place and we had to sit through the three way telly debate ,i thought they should have slugged it out in the cage, the winner would've gained a lot more respect for their fighting prowess and courage than the party policy bullshit which was the political 'SUZY Q' knockout punch that CAMEROON won it with.

 

The reason for the cage fight theme was quite simply because a MARTIAL ARTIST lady friend of me and the family and teacher of my nephews was fighting in a title KICK BOXING fight in the holiday town of CONWAYin North Wales.....Lovely it was too....As we walked through high winds and pissing down storms to the glamour of Conway Leisure Centre. All the competitors and their club mates were there,various MMA club hoodies ,all with stubbly unshaven chins ,but totally shaved heads and ,if you looked carefully you might see a bit of flesh coloured skin between the tatooes.

 

As we sat there guzzling from bottled lager with 'dance music' booming out ,from the speakers that we found ourselves right in front of .....I'm sure i've got tinnittus now.  One by one after the young ,but still puppy-fatted long legged would be model ring girls had done their circuit of the ring with the round number the spilling of the blood n' snot began. Dont get me wrong ,some good stuff took place ,but basically it was a brawling slugfest ,on the whole . KICK BOXING is ,basically fists and feet, but the MMA is no holds barred ,kicks,punches, knees and most amazingly aside from JUJITSU locks and holds on the deck is how its ok to hammer the face of your opponent with your fist as they lie on the deck. I dont think any of the MMA fights went the distance . Possibly the best two fights of the night were the womens ,two momentous scraps ,unfortunatly our friend ANN lost to her opponent ,only just ,but she is a slim lady and her opponent who held the title wouldnt fight if she was above a certain weight ,so Ann had to lose over 2 stone, so she went from not much in the first place to virtually nothing in as many weeks, which cant do you much good.

 

 

Call me a MARTIAL ART SNOB,if you will ,but i remember watching the great fighters at KARATE championships through the years in a lot more traditional vein, although it was semi-contact ,a lot more control and skill was displayed ,sadly ,as sport KARATE is becoming more and more important in the burgeoning number of new schools and styles popping up all over the place ,the traditional techniques and principles of MARTIAL ARTS  and the BODY MECHANICS that make KARATE a life time study have all but dissappeared, but the sport fighting like boxing is hard and fast ,but as in traditional boxing and most sport the body wont take it after the thirties on the whole. The traditional KARATEKA would power in ,but would protect themselves ,but the cage figthers went in swinging and leading with their faces ,there was hardly a guard up all night, very strange.....

 

 

Nobody likes getting hit: Then you get used to it...: Then you dont mind it too much: Then you dont mind it at all : Then you start to enjoy it and then you look foreward to a smack and cant wait to fight and enjoy ,getting a smack ,but never quite as much as dealing them out.....If you do ,then i think maybe its time you looked for something else to pass your time.

 

 

One thing that i didn't miss about the cage fighting night was ,i blame the bottled lager ,but the smell of  farts pervaded the hall....The fighters didnt stink ,but some of the audience did!....Some knockout stuff there ,it actually made me wish i wa up in the cage sometimes.



IT'S NOT WHAT YOU DO AT THE GYMN ITS GETTING THERE THAT FxxKS YOU UP!

Through the years as i've been forging the body in the white hot furnace of my will into the steel hard fighting machine that you all know and love i've discovered its not the training thats so hard and punishing ,that can be handled and even enjoyed. The one thing that never gets easier ,infact seems to be getting harder is the getting off my arse to make an effort to go training. I just recently thought i'm going to make an effort to make life a bit more productive on a variety of levels. I am going to produce more work :Keep this bloody blog up to a semblance of some kind of regularity and even hilarity; And most ridiculous of all try going to the gymn! Well, we've got a family membership so i might as well try some of the classes and even do my own karate training inthe empty halls, brilliant i'll be a rippling muscular ball of kinetic energy before you know it. So, much to mine and 'The lovely Lynnes suprise i went to the gymn a couple of times this week. The toughest part of the whole stupid ridiculous process is the actual getting there its about 50 minutes walk there then back , thats the killer ,then i get in and before i flake out or put the kettle on i turn right around and take the dog for a walk.

But its not all in vain, i'm fit (now all together now...) "I'M FIT FER FxxK ALL!!!"

THE NOISY,FLEMMY,FARTY INTERNAL POWER OF KARATE.

As everybody knows theres two things KARATE is famous for, one is the never failing to knock 'em out Karate chop beloved of every spy and war film ever made, and ,of course the "hiyaa!" karate yell that was almost, not so much a fighting yell, but a magical incantation to ensure the bad guys would go down and stay down. But where once the martial arts were secret techniques, 'one touch n' yer dead', etc, nowadays training isn't done in a monestary atop a snowcapped mountain in the middle of a mysterious mountain range where the students train 24/7 on a bowl of rice a year, until their master slings 'em out to batter the baddies, or goodies on the outside untrained world.

No, today, clubs are visited by the students a couple of times a week after a day at the office, at a church hall or local leisure centre as part of their membership package. And the training is mainly for competition and is kicks and punches and' gettin' em in' before your opponent does. But although the mysticism and traditionality of the martial arts may well be neglected in these modern days. The training has to be a lot less harsh as ,well, they'd loose members. But one thing thats thriving is the 'KIAI', or to the unenlightened out there the shout.

The basis of most martial arts is internal energy and in Karate the base of the energy ,or CHI, if you want to get technical is the lower part of the stomach, about where the knot of the belt is located and this area is known as the HARA. So when you throw a punch, f'rinstance ,strange as it may seem the muscles in the arms aren't the main motivating areas of force,and should be totally relaxed. The power comes from the lower body, legs and trunk. The breath is exhaled powerfully from the hara by the muscles of the stomach, and the DIAPHGRAM. The big floor of muscle under the lungs.

The KIAII, is an art in itself. If you sit in on a class theres all kinds of shouts ,screams, grunts,snorts, blowing and hissing. Funnily enough some actually say the word as if they were reading it, "kiaii,"or "Hiyaa!"... The idea is to inhale through the nose and use the mouth to exhale, but a combination of respiratory entries and exits seem to take place, depending on how people feel themselves or purely because they're knackered and trying to get the air in and still get the draining power out of their flagging body.

Breathing in through the nose and out through the nose( THE SNORT) can leave you with globules of snot down your face and on the chest of your suit(GI)...Out through the mouth(THE GRUNT) can project spit n' snot globules into your partners face which can complicate things on occassions. There is also when inhaling and exhaling takes place through the mouth(THE GASP), Which can result in much spit and mucus, as exhaustion rears its ugly oxygen starved head, this is often combined with stomach turning wafts of bad breath from deep down in the lower stomach of your opponent. It is one way of spoiling the fight, if you were spoiling for a fight. But the sudden tensioning of the diaphgram and the explosive discharge of the air in your lungs can have a humiliating side effect. While the majority of the stomach tension drives the exhalation up , there is occasions when the explosive tension can drive down and as you go in for the kill with your terrifying "KIAIIIII!!!"....This is accompanied by an equally frightening thunderous "PHARRRTTT!!!!".....But the accomplished martial artist can turn this humiliation to their advantage ,by giving them a smack while they're still laughing.

KARATE :THE KNOWLEDGE OF HOW MANY PARTS OF THE BODY CAN REALLY HURT....

Whenever you read a book about Karate, Kung Fu or the martial arts in general you will quite often see those badly drawn deformed looking outline drawings of the human body covered in dots showing, 'Points of ATEMI'.These are the bits if you give them a whack, or a kick, will hurt the unlucky recipient. As anybody who has had a go at Karate knows, you don't have to be in a combat situation to hit or be hit in these officially recognised 'pain points'. All you have to be is a new member in a new club in which unbeknownst to you is filled with WORLD CLASS' fighters and competitors. Now over the years, a little while back now it has to be said 'yours truly' gave and recieved a few smacks in competitions on a much smaller stage than the world stage these guys were used to. I attacked and was blocked hard, then whacked with a counter blow. Then roles were reversed and for some reason i still came off worse. I was reminded where my own personal points of Atemi where. The knowledge along with the pain stayed with me for a few days. Knees ,elbows, neck, and the sternum , which got a good punch and hurt like hell, but only when i breathed in, or out. I also smashed the fingers of my left hand somehow. This uncomfortable condition was exacerbated by The Lovely Lynne, who rolled over in her sleep in bed. Right over my hand! The screams must have been heard far and wide, breaking windows and causing several police murder squads to go on full alert. My sympathetic beloved when she'd come down off the ceiling, yawned, told me i shouldn't've been on her side of the bed, turned away and proceeded to carry on snoring, grunting and farting with a clear conscience,god bless 'er. It's nearly a week and i can just about clutch a pen...I tell you ,Grasshopper, if they start lobbing spears, i'm off !

NEITHER MAN NOR MARTIAN CAN FIGHT AGAINST RED TAPE

Theres a lot to be said about being a lazy bone idle get, and being a dedicated, proud 'arlarse' of many years standing(on occassions), i've heard most of them. Everybody needs to have a rest from their everyday activities(or lack, thereof), so, when i'm not slobbing about, i relax by forging my body in the white hot furnace of my will, into a steel hard finely honed fighting/killing machine by doing a bit of Karate. A few parents of kids who go to my daughters school asked if i'd run a little basic afterschool class for them. I thought any opportunity to belt a few snotty kids around the 'lug'oles', is an opportunity not to be sneered at, so i said ok, go'ed(an old ancient Liverpool expression of assent). The school seemed happy enough to have me drag myself off the slightly sticky cover of my couch once a week to go down and reveal the secrets of the Orient ,Zen and the art of smashing somebodies face in. Then the fun starts.

To do ANYTHING, now requires filling in of endless forms detailing everything, place, whom, what, where, why for every ten minutes over the last 20 years. For someone who has an uncontrollable hatred of forms and the people who give them to me ;And the people i've got to send them back too. To await their bloody reply/decision, or whatever, so, i dumped it on my Lovely Lynne ,faithful wife n' form filler-upperer. So this 'effin' form was sent to the police criminal records people, or something to see if i was Jack the Ripper or Gary Glitter, or someone. Apparently, i'm not, so i'm in the clear. I was a little dissappointed to see only a few speeding fines mentioned. I was hoping to be on an old 10 most wanted, somewhere in the world. I'm getting on, i s'pose my wild days're behind me,(sigh, it comes to us all!). Well, with all that sorted, i thought,' well off we jolly well go', but no, that would be too simple.

Now, through the years i've been called a liability on many occassions,( often by many ,if not most of you reading this, ya bastards!)....A public liability , and even a private liability, but we'll draw a heavily stained blanket over the private stuff, as it doesn't really concern us now, as i don't need insurance for that. But i've just been told i've got to pay and be accepted for public liability insurance. All this just to do the local school a favour for half an hour a week. I trained for years and got me black belt ,(yeah ,now!ya boo n' sucks to you!), but i've fought many people ,even won a couple, but i concede defeat to bloody red tape.....RED TAPE HAS BEATEN ME!!!!......There is a company ,THROTTLE, STRANGLE and ENTWINE Ltd and they make red tape for all the goverment departments whose sole purpose is to make the simple complicated and everything baffling and befuddling and not worth doing. Theres health n safety ,those must be strange people .Their job is to find danger, everywhere! Then come up with ridiculous ways of earning their wages by illimnating the ,danger, risk, peril.or whatever that nobody noticed in the first place ,then install 'safety features' that nobody wants or likes or uses . Then, there's probably a very creative busy department that designs forms, for everything..AAh we live in wonderful times.Some of the departments in that big old building with the clock in London must have departments that make the Ministry of Funny Walks quite resonable.

In the wonderful Jeff Wayne's 'WAR OF THE WORLDS', who can forget Richard Burton speaking about the 'RED WEED' that spread across the world strangling the life out of the existing vegetation all over the planet Earth. That was why Mars was red. Because of the Red Weed. That 'Rip-off merchant H.G. WELLS' said the same in his 'War of the worlds'. Now its slightly different our blue/green Earth is being strangled by Red Tape. The martians'll be wondering why parts of the Earth is looking Martian red. I s'pose, one good thing will come out of it, tho'. Well, if we can't walk without stumbling over Red Tape ,what chance do the martians have stomping around in those big,huge tri-pods? They'd be antennae over tentacle before you knew it. So they wont be invading yet. Not 'till they get the forms through, anyhow.