ZEN AND THE ART OF PICKING YOUR NOSE !

As i wandered through the hustling n' bustling streets of the fine city of clutter that is Liverpool, i wandered past the famous Liverpool Playhouse theatre. I'm highly cultured me y'know i pass posh theatres on my way to scabby back street boozers and drinking dens. Leaning against a poster advertising the playhouses production of 'THE POSTMAN.....(A PLAY BY HAROLD PINTER)', was a cultured 'scally' with his finger shoved so far up his nose it was sticking out of the opposite ear. There he was in a world of his own picking his nose, with n'are a care in the world. I found this a comforting sight and smiled to myself. Nobody picks their nose anymore, it has become a dying art ,another good old British tradition fading away. Nowadays all the kids n' scallies walk around 'gobbing' all over the place, not nice at all , not like picking your nose.

For the dedicated and skilled nosepicker, the index finger is without doubt the tool of choice. If possible for best results the fingernail on this finger should be kept long and taken care of ,much as a classical guitarist does with his thumb and various fingers. This is for when the picking digit is inserted this allows for maximum insertion and optimum 'scrapeage'. Then when maximum point of insertion has been attained it is time to replace upward thrust for ,rotational force. The well maintained, pedicured nose-picking finger will now be able to scrape from its sides. At this point the crystalline deposits which have lined the nasal passages for a few days at least will start crunching and grinding noises and movement of the wall of the nasal passages will be felt and a gelatinous sound and feel will start to take over from the aforesaid crunching and grinding.

Although nose-picking is looked down upon in many quarters ,as are many personal habits, there is no need to not make an effort at deportment and etiquette as you scrape away. I find by raising your little finger, this supplies a touch of elegance to your snotty manouvering. The twisting of the hand and finger through an optimum 180 degrees of turn requires a little flexibility and strength esspecially in the forearms. So, maybe a little excercise to keep you 'at your picking peak' from time to time might be a good idea.

It is at this point where the delicate touch of the artist takes over from the mining engineer. The challenge of the true nose-picker is to withdraw the snotty ore, dilligently dug for into a long drawn out snooty strip from the tip of your diggin finger to the nasal passages and way up the sinuses and to see how long you can draw it out...Before it ...........



......SNAPS !!!!!!!!