THE COST OF GETTING CHARGED !

In the wonderful hi-tech world we now find ourselves dumped in, some people would say we have been blessed with things like mobile phones ,Blackberry , personal computers, computer games, electric razors even. Myself being a boring old fart i think its all one giant portable electronic pain in the arse. And i'm fairly sure there a whole range of portable electrical items speciffically designed for use on ,in and up various parts n' points of the body. The thing that unites all these wonders of science and communication,texting, games, playing music , stimulating body bits and removing bodily hair off hairy bodily bits.....Is quite simply that they all need to be recharged. Whereas once it was all down to the good ol' battery, nowadays we have what was one a housebrick sized electric box called a transformer to supply DC current to our boyhood SCALECTRIC racing cars.

These are now simply small plastic things called chargers. "Where's me phone charger/MP3 charger/Shaver charger",etc, etc. Heres where the technological hiccup is located. Every single item that has to be recharged has a different connection, requiring a different plug (2 or 3 pin, square or round). Then theres the other end, the jack plug which has an infinitly larger array of shapes, sizes, shapes, width, lengths, etc, etc,.......I wanted to recharge my razor ,opened the drawer and was stunned by a mass of chargers and miles of cable all attached to a different jack plug. I just said "F**K That!" And went back to the good ol' 'wet shave'. I only have to use my phone once every so often as i hardly use the bloody thing for calls,and also as i'm incapable of texting, and quite frankly just don't see the point. But as wherever i go ,everybody is clattering away texting, even if they are sitting with their friends or beloved, i admit it must be that i've missed something. But that wouldn't be the first time.

As i was typing this garbage i remembered watching a documentary about the SHAOLIN priests. They were swinging these ropes with blades attached all around their body,under their feet and bouncing off their back like a rap dancer body popping, or whatever as the cable went under them, very odd, but no doubt very effective. But as we're not allowed to wander around with knives and sharp things, so i believe. Maybe its time to adapt, so the shaolin could be deadly with a mobile charger or ladysoft leg razor recharger.

DAVID CARRADINE HUNG BY THE NECK N' NUTS, BUT WHERE WAS HIS FLUTE ?

Aaaaah!.....What a world we live in. When i was 'nobbut a lad', in the 70's ,i loved the stories of a scruffy bare footed half chinese fellah walking around the wild west booting the hell out of the cowboys who always seemed to pick on him for walking into the saloon in mainstreet 'Deadmans Gulch' and asking in a barely audible whisper for" a glass of water, please. " This was , of course David Carradine, as rogue Shaolin monk Kwai Chang Caine, in the wonderful 'Kung Fu'. Made me the man i am that telly series did. I can often be seen walking around Warrington in bare feet, but broken bottles and police warnings have curtailed my monkish wanderings of late, the world we live in i'm afraid. But while i was away on an S.A.S. -Like endurance test, that was a family holiday in a caravan in Wales. I was informed by my old hairy mate Guy Carter and proud owner of a boxed dvd collection of the Kung Fu series(as am i.), of the death of David Carradine. He was found hanging in a Bangcok hotel cupboard by his neck n' nuts. Apparently as pop stars and movie stars aren't satisfied with a 'swift one off the wrist'these days. The beautiful people, they shove apples in their gob;A noose around their neck, and ,apparently their cobblers, then step off the stool? This gives them 'extreme satisfaction', shall we say. But it does seem to go wrong for a lot of the time ,so if they do die,it's with a big smile on their face. But the smile on their face is to make room for the massively bloated purple tongue sticking out of their mouth.

I can only imagine Kwai Chang Caine would never have done such a thing, but you never know. Carradine was deeply 'into' Kung Fu' ,Tai-chi, Chi-gong and various associated philosophies like his alter-ego Caine. And, apparently trained and studied with the Shaolin monks. So, what are they teaching nowadays at the Shaolin temple and if Caine had of committed an act of Auto-Erotic sex, where would he have stuck his flute?