IF THEY HAVE WHEELIE-BIN RACING IN THE OLYMPICS WE'LL BE UNBEATABLE

Every house in the land has a wonderfully coloured array of plastic wheelie bins stuck around the side of the house. And the pile of lazy bastards who just leave them at the top of the drive for us all to walk past. Each different coloured bin has a different function. One, normally green carries garden waste(within strict council guidelines); The blue one for re-cycling(within strict council guidelines) And the grotty grey one for the usual shit and stuff that your not sure if it should go in the other pretty bins(within strict council guidelines) or not. So we have our range of pretty bins and all we have to do is pull them out to the road to be emptied, whenever!.... Various councils throughout our fair isles have deemed, in their usual efficiant way that various bins of various rubbish should be picked up at various times and at various frequencies. I still haven't a clue when and which binis to be emptied when. So, like most sturdy Brits, on hearing the wagons around the corner ,you go racing out to grab the grey bin. Only to find out its a blue bin day, so you run back with the grey and swap it, only to find out that next door who'd put their blue bin out was wrong. So your lovely wife shouts down "it's the green bin !" SO another swap takes place. Soon as you idly gaze out the window, you see it was actually the grey bin all along. Then you burst out of the front drive to grab the grey bin ,drag it up the road after the accelerating dustwagon, then drag the grey(thankfully empty), and the green(still f***'in full) back round the side of the house till the next bin-based adventure in days, weeks, months, god, who knows, but councillor shitinthegreybinforbrains.

But every grey bin has a silver lining. A few weeks ago we were at a village festival in Wales and they had a wheelie bin race. A variety of men and women of a broad age range, some in fancy dress dragged these wheelie bins around a thickly grassy field riddled with cow pats and with footwork akin to a ballroom dancer they sprinted, jumped ,turned and leapt over the obstacle course that was the farmers field.

I think, forget the running jumping, athletics ,swimming, gymnastics,etc,etc. The future of British sport lies in the wheelie bin.....I'm not sure which colour.

GOD BLESS THE OLD RED, WHITE N' BALLY HOO !

As i mentioned a lifetime, or so it seems ago during that interminable debacle the Americans call the Presidential elections. I mentioned that i'd rather sit and hack my leg off than sit and watch the various primaries on the telly as it would be less painful. I was watching a little of the inaugeration ceremony last night and the same urge to hack a limb off overcame me. The ,"God bless America and the rest of the Red ,white n' Blue,bally hoo n' bullshit sort of ooozed from the screen. My leg was only saved at the last moment by a change of channel to the relative sanity of The Simpsons.

The new boy in the most powerful padded seat in the world is Barrack O'Barnpot, the first Afro-American, and ,apparently Irish president of the U.S of A. Celebrations exploded all over the place as people overjoyed at this, apparently world changing event took place. I've nothing against the fellah. He is just another American politician whose bullshitted his way into the 'Big Job' like politicians everywhere. The difference is the American politicians have more self interest and a lot of power to help their interests and schemes along and boost that power up even more. In fact they make our bunch of scheming fiddling arseholes look like innocent schoolboys who haven't a clue.

I thought it a little odd that on his first day ,he cancelled a pile of terrorist trials for crimes including 9/11. The finances of the country ,etc are turning to shit and he helps a few terrorists out, but i'm not a politician so what do i know.

When Good ol' George Dubya,was inaugerated into the job there was no celebrations and parties to celebrate the first naturally stupid fuckin' idiot to become president. I can't remember celebrations for the first senile movie star to become president when Reagan became president. I'll celebrate when Homer Simpson becomes the first yellow president. And i admire his policies, they don't make any sense ,but like all politicians policies and promises they'll be somehow forgotten and bunged to the bottom of the pile when they get their foot through the door . It doesn't matter about race colour creed, they're all tossers and gobshites...They are politicians !