THERES A REASON A POP STARS APPRENTICESHIP IS ONLY 3 MONTHS AND A PLUMBERS IS ABOUT 3 YEARS!....

Now that the X FACTOR has finally finished for the fortnight or so before it starts all over again as 'Britains got talent on ice, get me outta here,' or whatever.But what becomes of the would be pop stars. These people sweated ,slaved, shrieked n' warbled their way to the finals of the show. Until, a wee 16 year old cute, smiley little lad from the North- east who, that pain in the arse collection of skin bone n' hair, SHERYL COLE kept ,endlessly announcing, how" she really loved him, like a little brother and was sooo proud of him, etc, etc,, and on n' on" , (in a geordie accent,of course.) finally won and his single normally the x mas no 1 was out before he left the stage. But evil scheming was afoot....Some facebook petition or something put foreward an old song by an American rock/rap, or rap/rock band called 'AGAINST THE MACHINE', maybe that was a dig at Simon C's hold over the xmas no1, But a yank band with an old odd rocker made the top spot(what would Simon Bates say?)...That was the big news. So our little Geordie pop star, after his 3 month apprenticeship to become a pop star can only make no 2, shame on him. They should take his certificate of pop star proficiency away from him, he's failed his first big job.

Now whats a cute sugary little pop star to do? There must be work for cute young pop stars with nice teeth. Put an add in the Johnsons directory or the Yellow Pages. He would have to decide wether to go under 'P' for pop star ,or 'C' for cute. But in an in depth conversation with my daughter, i mentioned we'd have to look up the number of a not necessarily cute plumber to do some jobs around Leatherbarrow towers. We dont need a cute pop star, but she thought we should ring a cute pop star to come around maybe to seranade the plumber as he unblocks the sink. So if theres workmen about or noise ,nothing on the telly ,look up and compare prices of cute qualified (ex-X-Factor finalists) pop stars in the phone book.

IT IS NOW OFFICIALLY WINTER...THE XXX'IN X FACTOR AND STRICTLY COME DANCING ARE BACK ON THE TELLY !!!!!

Once upon a time summer went on forever. Long sunny days running around ,playing 12 hour games of footy with your friends or going on 40 mile bike rides to god knows where. Then autumn came as the nights started to draw in, although the evenings were still 'balmy' and pleasant. Then , eventually winter arrived with the clocks going foreward and we were back in school waiting for the run up to x-mas. Now its all different. Summer's no different to any other part of the year, except for the fact that it rains more than most of the rest of the year. The streets and green areas are totally bereft of kid playing. They're all in the back room watching the telly and playing computer games and only making any attempts at communication if they want something. But the main difference to 'everything' is the total disapearance of autumn. Winter replaces summer at approximatly 7.00 pm one Saturday night....'Bang !'....Its now Winter!.......The beginning of the dark depressing oppressive winter is the NEW SERIES OF THE X-FACTOR.

That collection of talentless deadbeats n' no-marks who for some reason consider themselves qualified to be a celebrity, as that is all they want to be, not an artiste, or anything just a celebrity. And it is their god given right to become a star. They are totally oblivious to the fact that they are shite and everyone thinks they're shite. Friends ,family, laughing qualified (?) panellists,( they're in the buisness y'see)...The jeering thousands in the audience; The scoffing millions watching on the telly and re-enjoying the humiliation on 'you-tube, etc. I would love to become famous on the X-Factor set by blowing the bastards on the panel and the chirpy comedian presenter to bits with a high powered rapid fire combat rifle. But ,for some reason i am alone in my hatred of the X-Factor. My family love it,they adore it, its great. We have the SKY+ system, so we can't miss any of it. And to make matters much much worse i also find myself forced to watch STRICTLY COME DANCING. Which i also dislike, although it has to be said ,not with the venom reerved for'X'....So as once saturdays used to be:The wrestling; Football results from every single person in the British Isles who trudged onto a mucky pitch and booted a soggy heavy leather footyball; Doctor Who, adventure series and films. Now its dancing and screeching. And lest we forget the stereotypical celebrity expert panellists which are spreading like a virus on the spawning pandemic of various types of talent shows. The cartoon storm clouds of gloom hover over my head on a Saturday night whilst the Lovely Lynne and the Little'un literally shine with pleasure and joy. And then they start showing it on a Sunday as well......I'm not a celebrity,but get me outta here!