THE WHO HAD THE LIVER BIRDS ROCKING TO QUADROPHENIA ON THE BANKS OF THE 'MERSEY MUD'!!!!!!

                                                On Saturday night came home to a very 'Ho-Hum' ROLLING STONES'Glastonbury gig ,but the following night we went to see the big boys do it properly. THE WHO  were in the fair city of LIVERPOOL. The ECHO ARENA was 'chokka' and the noise was deafening and we had seats only 20 rows back from ROGER DALTREY. The show was even better than last week at MANCHESTER.. QUADROPHEN'YA has evolved into a real live piece after years of trying to get it on the stage to be performed properly ,well they've 'cracked it!'.....The place went mad. 

Only problem is ,being a short arse i seem to attract all the concert knobheads who have to jump about wave arms, phones and holler and scream at every f**kin' word ,sung or said and insist in telling their mates 'how great this or that bit is'....I was stuck beside some girl who was annoyed as i hadn't given her enough room to dance, so in between dissappearing to the bar or the bogs she got her fellah ,this fat big getto have a word , ,i lost me temper and 'The dreaded Leatherbarrow finger came out'....As i politely explained to him how..."I'd paid 70 f**kin' quid to watch them ,not to argue over the 5 inches that i'd been pushed into 'his space' by the crowd , and would he F**K OFF!!!"It seemed to do the job and he shut his gob. But talking after ,everybody seemed to have their own pet knobhead to drive them nuts! 

But that aside the show was magnificent . PETE TOWNSHEND has connections with LIVERPOOL and seemed pleased to be there....He's the only cockney who can come to LIVERPOOL and call us all "BASTARDS!" and we loved him for it. They seemed pleased to be back in the 'MESEY MUD'. as he called it......You'll probably be pleased to know i'll leave the WHO alone for a while as we wont see them again ,'till who knows?

THE WHO: .....ROCKIN' LIKE BASTARDS !!!!......AND THATS ONLY THE SOUNDCHECK !!!!!!!

My olde Geordie mate ,the incredibly tall (going grey) SIMON MALIA.....This maniac is a maaaaaaaaddd, maaaaaaadddd, mad , psychotic WHO fan since before they formed ,i often think. Well his lovely missus in a  moment ofcrazed

 alcohol fuelled love and genorosity treated Simon to a V.I.P. ticket for the WHO's performance of QUADROPHENIA at the MANCHESTER ARENA last night. So this entitled the lanky ,jammy Geordie bastard to be allowed in early to sit through the soundcheck ,get 'nibbles' and a bag of pressies and swap phone numbers with those TOWNSHEND and DALTREY chappies.

When i asked how it went ,he was still stunned . He explained that he expected the soundcheck to be ;ROGER DALTREY doing a little singing; PETE TOWNSHEND  doing a little strumming on his guitar ; A few thumps of the drums; Tinkles from the keyboards; Parps n' toots from the brass, etc......."BUT NOOOOO!!.......THEY CAME OOT ROCKIN' LIKE BASTARDS!!!!!......DALTREY SCREAMING AND TOWNSHEND LETTING RIP LIKE A MANIAC ON THE GUITAR......THEY ROCKED LIKE ABSOLUTE F**KIN' BASTARDS!!!"....( his words ,translated from the original geordie to scouse for all you intellectuals out there.).....So ,Simon god bless his bry nylon socks, was blown out of said socks.

For the rest of us V.I.P.'s (very unimportant people) who had to fight through to our seats in the normal, standard hustling n' bustling pain in the arse way we finally got there in the corner alongside mr PETER TOWNSHEND,which was fine by me. I thought i would try my missus's (THE LOVELY LYNNE) old prescription glasses ,as my far distant vision isn't wonderful ,but these specs afforded this HD vision for the show which was quite revealing. I could count the bristles in Townshends beard , i couldnt believe it....I'm a little off a dog n' white stick, but surely my vision isn't that bad ,but surely its not meant to be that good!

Lynne ,the previous 2 nights had been playing with her ska band THE MANCHESTER SKA FOUNDATION, Friday in a boozer and Saturday we found ourselves in a tent in a bog of a feild at a festival in Stockport. I was given a posh laminated back stage pass to hang round my neck, as i was with the band....Felt dead important. I thought "I know i'll try and use this for the WHO tomorrow, but the bastards at the ARENA wouldn't let me.

But THE WHO were magnificent , fire and passion exploded forth and they 'let rip' and sounded great...Lynne was bouncing, singing and hammering hell out of my thigh...I have a MOD roundel of a bruise on my thigh today. The daughter ,ELARA was typically ashamed of her mum n' dad ,even though she loved the show. Lynne said that the TROMBONIST came in late a few times and she almost had to be physically restrained from running down to offer PETE TOWNSHEND ' Her services for free(?)'....I assume this was her tromboning abilities!

So if your bored with THE WHO , tough shit ,i'm not ,i'm still on cloud 9 and they are on next week in the fair city of LIVERPOOL and ,hopefully we'll see PETE'S little brother SIMON TOWNSHEND in town on the Monday

THE LOVELY LYNNE managed to get some quite good footage on her I-pad ,barring some womans 70's perm in front of us ,but one bit she did get, which if i can i shall put on ,is PETE TOWNSHEND  having guitar trouble after a series of vicious windmills during BABA O'REILLY and ripping the guitar off and slinging it way back stage to wrap around some poor technicians head...If i'd've managed to get back stage with my fancy laminated back stage pass, i could've had PETE TOWNSHEND'S guitar wrapped around my head....Oh the chances we miss in life, hey!

ROGER DALTREY...QUADROPHENIA...AND LIVERPOOL BOUNCERS THROWING PEOPLE OUT OF TOILETS AT A WHO CONCERT IN A TENT!

A certain famous cartoonist who goes by the name of HUNT EMERSON challenged me to draw the whole of the 'ORRIBLE 'OO'...THE WHO. So, eventually i did ,i managed to scribble ,scrape ,and splatter  a rough likeness of the man with the mighty leather lungs...ROGER DALTREY, from a few years ago. He truly did have and ,even now after a few problems ,still has an awsomely powerful voice. I always thought that PETE TOWNSHEND wrote songs in a spirit of spite to make Roger work . Fans only have to think of classics like 'WONT GET FOOLED AGAIN'..'LOVE REIGN OVER ME'...BABA O'REILLY' and on the list goes ,you dont often hear other people singing WHO songs, basically because i dont think they physically could. I met him once and It was a nice experiance to meet a personal hero and he was shorter than me, or the same height, but not taller. I definitly wouldnt like a smack off him, tho...He used to be a sheet metal worker and he's still got the stocky powerful build and shovel hands.

While i spoke to him i had a mobile and asked Roger if he could give my mate Simon a message .Simon meanwhile was in the process of getting thrown out of the toilets by one of Liverpools fine body of security men ,or BOUNCERS...When Simon asked him to give him a second as he was talking to ROGER DALTREY...The bouncer replied with the immortal line, "I dont care if its fuckin' ELVIS PRESLEY!!"....Roger laughed and told Simon to "BE LUCKY!"

He can be a bit bolchy ,but he says what he thinks ,when he did the WHO show in the LIVERPOOL SUMMER POPS he slagged of the LIVERPOOL CITY COUNCIL, all in there front row seats, much to the joy and pleasure of the crowd behind. The concert was in a massive marque and Roger commented how LIVERPOOL 'The home of rock n' roll' "And they put you in a fackin' tent!"This got a bit of grief  in the papers the following day. The following  night of the second show they laughed it off.   PETE TOWNSHEND said maybe next year they'd have a tin shed to play in.."..maybe thats all we fuckin' deserve!" Wonderful characters....Not friends ,brothers ,always fighting and arguing ,but there for each other if anyone piles in. 

PETE TOWNSHEND wrote QUADROPHENIA and had nothing but pain and trouble ,it was way ahead of its time and proved technically way to far ahead of its time that when they tried to perform it ,troubles erupted. TOWNSHEND, enraged would attack his sound engineer and wreck the sound equipment. Out of the smoke and carnage would be back to the old standards. It wasnt for nearly 30 years before they could contemplate playing the whole thing live.

But tonight across the U.S.A. on cinemas theres a special one off documentary about the making of the album...'THE REAL ME!'..With various concert footage etc, but we've got it on BBC4' tonight ,so we dont have to go out ,a nice take away and put the old SKY+ on. Lots of windmilling and leaping about the living room over the next few days ,methinks.

There is a possibility of THE WHO  doing a tour of QUADROPHENIA ,or "QUADRAFFEENNYA!" As those London chaps say. But up until a few months ago PETE TOWNSHENDS tinnitus and shagged out 'lug 'oles' are screwing up the chances of the faithful getting their WHO fix ,for a while . And i was told that DALTREY  and TOWNSHEND  were fighting over the lineup of the band, 50-odd years of totally disagreeing about everything ,i dont s'pose its going to change any day soon.

JOHN ENTWISTLE...'THE OX'...THUNDERFINGERS'....THE GREATEST BASS PLAYER EVER! POPPED HIS CLOGS 10 YEARS AGO TODAY (R.I.P.)

For a long time the wildest loudest rock band bar none was THE WHO....KEITH MOON battering hell out of his drum kit :ROGER DALTRY and his leather lungs screaming out the lyrics of PETE TOWNSHEND, who was hitting and bending notes combining screaming  feedback from his tortured lead guitar....The three of them created a cacopheny of noise and chaos that was beyond comprehension or belief. But ,ironically the far corner ,the left to the fan ,opposite TOWNSHENDS  corner was occupied by the quietest of the band . JOHN ENTWISTLE ,known as 'THE OX'...'THUNDERFINGERS'...and for some odd reason' THE QUIET ONE?'....He plugged his bass guitar into the most powerful amplification system he could find and blew everybody away. He played his bass like a lead guitar ,not the thrumming two finger the way most bass players in most bands tend to do....He had to match KEITH MOON, who went all out to hit every drum ,gong and cymbal in front of him ,so ENTWISTLE played cords at blinding speeds to match and beat 'MOON THE LOON'. And he had to beat the other 3 for noise and he did . DALTRY and him had a few run ins as ENTWISTLE would have the amps so high ,the volume would physically hurt DALTREY. He dealt with power and tune, his fingers moved like a lead guitarist but thunder came out from every touch....He was stunning.

Even though he was a quiet bloke he loved 'life on the road' and him and KEITH MOON were the team that drank and caused the chaos. His death ,on the eve of a WHO tour in a hotel room with a few ladies of the night and the sniffy sniffy white powder wasn't totally suprising. The tour was partly to help ENTWISTLE out financially as he did like the good life. But 10 years have gone ,much to my suprise ,i didnt think it was that long ago ,but when you get to a certain age ,never mind the clock !...The bloody calendars start running faster

THE 'ORRIBLE OO'!.....MY SCRIBBLING HISTORY WITH THE WHO!

As the dreading' screw up' that is the BRITISH OLYMPICS creeps ever closer we are filled with not just trepidation ,but outright fear. It started with the rocketing costs and inferior workmanship and reported scams ;And continued up until the OLYMPIC FLAME landed on our fair shores and....WENT OUT!....A good number of times, a sign of things to come?.....My favourite tho' was inviting KEITH MOON to play at the opening ceremony, only in Britain.

So along with GEORGE MICHAEL (YUK!)...And TAKE THAT ( Oh a'right!)....A blast of sense and class as the 'ORRIBLE 'OO'!....THE WHO ...ROGER DALTREY and PETE TOWNSHEND are coming home to close the whole (possible)travesty ,some might say rescue it. By playing at the closing ceremony.

This is a picture i did of the FEEDBACK KING as he is now. white haired ,whats left that is ,but enjoying his playing and seemingly content.

An American lady friend and mad ,and i do mean mad WHO fan.....Her car number plate is WHOGIRL....The lovely ,nutty PAMELA WOODWARD asked me to do a 1970's PETE TOWNSHEND with the boiler suit ,beard , boots and leaps, then the cheeky cow wanted a 60's UNION JACK JACKET wearing angry young guitar smashing MOD...And being the lovely bloke i am i done it for her. She did offer sexual favours ,but the LOVELY LYNNE wont let me accept.

This was a painting i tried a while ago for this very blog of the wonderful ROGER DALTREY after we'd gone to see them somewhere again(listens for communal groan ,cant hear one so goes back to typing this shit!)....Went to see his TOMMY tour and took the daughter ,i think she quite liked it..He was in fine voice after some work on his throat, so with a bit of luck the boys could be back on the road ,but Roger hasn't sounded better in years . But since then daughter has everything covered in UNION JACKS and MOD / R.A.F. roundels ,even the laces of her DOC MARTENS(13 years old ,its gonna get worse.)

A silly distortion of PETE TOWNSHEND  letting rip, With his peircing blue eyes he can look quite manic, but i quite like it ,not technically brilliant i s'pose, but since when have i been technically brilliant?.....SHUT IT!

The day after watching the LIVERPOOL PHILHARMONIC do the PLANET SUITE ,as it is the LOVELY LYNNES fave peice y'see,,,,Much as i enjoyed it i had to play some real classical music the following day. LIVE AT LEEDS blowing the double glazing out and cracking the house foundations.

This was another blog post recording an evening at the ROUNDHOUSEin LONDON, where ,funnily enough...THE WHO played and played very well.

I was laid up ill when THE WHO played at the half time break at the American football world super bowl or whatever they call it....God bless SKY+...I had to record about 8 hours to get the half time show....It was short, but sweet. I had to laugh later as the Americans had THE WHO and that afternoon closer to home,WARRINGTON RLFC had JEDWARD on at half time, ah us Brits dont do things in halves, eh?

And ,of coure me TOWNSHEND painting, nowhere else to put it so i might as well bung it on here.

PETE TOWNSHEND (WHO HE?) ON STEAM POWERED RADIO 2 , MY EXCUSE FOR ANOTHER PETE TOWNSHEND PICCIE!

Gawd bless the BEEB say i, They ran a couple of documentaries over the last two weeks by and about the amazing PETE TOWNSHEND. Something along the lines of GROWING OLD BEFORE I DIE'. As some of my readers will be stunned and amazed to find out ol 'pete' is one of my absolute heroes. It was good to listen to the man telling his astounding story ,but enjoying himself and making it funny and entertaining. But for me the other vitally important aspect of the shows is its an excuse to bung another Pete Townshend caricature on the blog. If highly august caricaturing genius's like SEBASTIAN KRUGER can get away with banging out loads of caricatures of his heroes THE ROLLING STONES, then i, who doesn't sadly deserve to breath the same air as Sebastian, can whack out a few PETE TOWNSHEND and THE WHO piccies . Another eason is that the STONES and THE WHO were possibly the ugliest bands in the world and so are so much fun to draw.

Not only have the BEEB done a documentary about Townshend, but last Tuesday they did one about a certain KEITH MOON....."I'M KEITH MOON ,WOTS YOUR EXCUSE?" I havent had a listen yet ,but i shall and if i can get my arse into gear may even have a drawing of the 'LOON'(r.i.p).

ROGER DALTREY: HE CAN STILL SING A MEAN PIN BALL !

My run-down Guinness soaked body is only just recovering from a few days down in the capital. As regular readers, there must be one or three out there...It's nothing to be ashamed of.....Well maybe a little ,just keep it to yourself and carry on reading your laptop under the blankets......Well as i was going to say , i was down in London and you'll not be too stunned shocked and amazed if i say it was to go and watch ROGER DALTREY perform TOMMY at the ROYAL ALBERT HALL. There! i bet your shocked , stunned and amazed.

We hit the big city and hit a few boozers quite soon afterwards. Later in the afternoon we met up with two caricaturists of my ,but hopefully not your aqaintance, a certain SIMON ELLINAS and a certain PAUL BAKER who forced us to drink even more beer .We gave Simon a spare ticket for the show ,i tthink it was on the roof of the R.A.H. We agreed to meet later ,shockingly ,stunningly and amazingly ...In a pub!. Just around the corner from the hallowed hall. The problem was we couldnt find the pub, so while Simon tried to find a decent 'spec' we retired to the bar. Whilst i gagged on the tin of Guinness ,because of the price ,my friend ,also called Simon, incidentally. Obviously a common ,nasty name , not like TIM. Well Simon (2) gagged on some Taiwanese lager ,for a number of reasons ,two being :It tasted of donkey piss with bubbles and it cost a bomb. But these arent big enough reasons to put a galavanting pair of northern lads off their 'pop', so we carried on guzzling away 'till a certain Mr ROGER DALTREY hit the stage. It has to be said him n' his band did a blistering performance ,his voice sounded years younger and was more than up to booming over the band ,who were a rocking bunch of chaps. After, they did a pile of real WHO oldies ,even LIVE AT LEEDS stuff, and pulled it off superbly. The biggest cheers of the night tho' were for a certain Mr PETE TOWNSHEND, who couldnt resist it and came on for two tracks. Both Simons agreed it was a great night.

The following morning Simon (2) awoke ,mentioned in his Geordie accent "worra grayte show tha' was!", let a loud fart out and rolled over to go back to sleep. Simon left London that day and i met up with a couple of caricature deadbeats and wasters in the form of GUY CARTER and later on PAUL BAKER They took an innocent northern lad to evil nasty pubs and dens of iniquity in the back streets of Londons fair city. Guy and Paul arent the most handsome of faces, in fact i'd go ,at a push as far as to say they are ugly as sin, but it was good to see their grotty visages again, and ,of course Simon from the day before. But the sun shone the Guinness tasted well ,i laughed more than i have for a long time, as KEN DODD would say in his analysis of "What is a laugh?"...It starts in the 'CLACK' and moves on up to the 'CHUCKLE MUSCLES'...Well ,my chuckle muscles were strained and pulled that day.

THE WHO: NOT ANY OL' WHO, BUT THE WHO BACK ON THE BLOG AGAIN!

As the LOVELY LYNNE carries on suffering with peurisy,i'm doing my best to keep her comfy and her hot water bottle kept warm. But this Tim Nightingale display had to stop for a couple of days , quite simply because THE WHO were playing at a cancer charity gig at the HAMMERSMITH APOLLO.....or ,the 'Ammersmiff 'pollo'.....The guy from THE VERVE, kicked off proceedings , followed by a solo by a certain ROGER DALTREY. Then a canadian chap called BRYAN ADAMS ,who to be fair wasnt bad. But he was followed by a guy whose not bad on the guitar , his name was JEFF BECK and he was blisteringly outstanding. I'll be looking on Amazon for a bit of his stuff. He then backed a slightly wobbly DEBBIE HARRY ,she wasnt bad, but the glory days of BLONDIE are way behind. But then the Boys were back in town! Their old stomping ground of HAMMERSMITH, SHEPHARDS BUSH N' ACTON, rang once again to MAXIMUM R&B,THE WHO were home... And they let rip! ROGER DALTREY was in fine voice and PETE TOWNSHEND, maybe not the tune player in the manner ,as is MR BECK......But nobody plays like Pete and he showed that nobody can do what PETE TOWNSHEND does best, which is play the guitar like PETE TOWNSHEND! I defy anybody to not watch TOWNSHEND ..He fascinates me with his spirit ,power ,aggression and humour.. God bless ya ol' farts ......Thats all of THE WHO, for now.....'Till next time anyhow!

But we celebrated our night in a few 'Ammersmiff' boozers, and got to bed at some ungodly hour. The following day we met up with a cartooning legend the famous GUY CARTER..And we hit a pile of SOHO boozers ,before ,in the evening meeting up with the CARTOONIST CLUB, for a CARTOONIST PISS UP.....And again this resulted in going to bed at some even worse ungodly hour ,covered in cuts n' bruises. For some reason these social functions do take it out of us both physically and mentally. We''re getting older ,but the 'hootin n' hollerin' hasn't changed over the years. At the end of the night those casualties of extreme excess included ;Simon Ellinas;Paul baker; The Angelic Cathy Simpson , all people from the other side of this page . A pile of others and now i dont get to these 'do's' anymore and basically dont get to see anyone being the sad bastard i now have become , it was good to see these deadbeats n' reprobates . I eventually got home nursing a smashed forearm and a battered knee for ,and as a result of my sins, to my stricken beloved. And i s'pose thats my social blast for another year....

PETE TOWNSHEND CANT HEAR ONE OF THE LOUDEST ROCK BANDS IN THE WORLD AND HE'S THE LEAD GUITARIST!!!!

Shock, horror and aghastness abounded as i ambled along the magazine rack in Asda the other day. I avoided all the Katie Price and Alex Reid stories and stumbled across a headline in one of the music mags. Basically it was ROGER DALTREY saying that 'cos him n' PETE TOWNSHEND are both 'shagged out' and...(this is where the shock n' horror an' agahstness really kicks in!)...THE WHO MAY HAVE TO STOP PERFORMING!!!!...

Roger has trouble with the voice, but has managed to overcome that as his apparently triumphant performance at the R.A.C.(No, not the car people..the ROYAL ALBERT HALL..if you dont mind!)..of QUADROPHENIA. But he's also having hearing troubles. But not as bad asthe almost deaf Mr Townshend, who's tinitus may be beyond repair. So one of the loudest guitarists in the world could be playing ,blowing the eardrums of stadiums full of fans and not knowing if his guitar is plugged in.

THE WHO were officially once registered as the loudest band in the world. I think it was a concert at CHARLTON F.C.( Probably the only thing Charlton fc is famous for.) The noise, apparently was the equivalent to five atom bombs going off in your living room. If your standing three feet in front of the speakers producing this cacopheny of sound, i'm sure the ol' tympanic membrane (ear drum ,ya ignorant gets)...aren't built for that kind of hammering.

The other possible cause for Townshends ears was the famous filmed version of a performance of MY GENERATION, on American telly and at the climatic instrument smashing end, KEITH MOON thought it'd be a bit of a wheeze if he dynamited the drum kit. Which he duly did. The explosion knocked Townshend sideways across the stage and was reputed to have added to all the other drum wreckage across the stage a set of perforated eardrums belonging to poor ol' Pete.

The other probable cause ,which is a lesson in this MP3 n' all that stuff age. Its been said that Townshends lug'oles have taken a hammering from earphones over the years in the recording studios, etc. Its not suprising really. The old earphones were cushioned and 'clamped around the head. Whereas the modern earphones actuall bore deep into the ear cavity. The noise can still be heard from the far end of a train carriage. I dont know which is the more annoying the actual ,being able to hear the music being played;Or the buzzing ,when you can hear the noise, but not make out the track. Yes, i know i'm a moanin' ol' fart, i've a loving(?) family that constantly remind me.

QUADROPHENIA; AND GOD! WHAT AN ODD MOD THIS OL' SOD MAKES !

Over the last few weeks yours truly has been a bit of a 'culture vulture', i may not be that cultured, but i've been reliably informed i've got the nose of a vulture. But the nose was mixed in with a bit of culture. While in London i was dragged in to see that X-factoring; Celebrity ice skating Scouser Ray Quinn, in Grease. Which was alright. A week, or so later i was shoved into the Echo Arena in Liverpool Docklands to watch the 'Walking with Dinosaurs' show, which was very impressive. Then in Liverpools good ol' Empire Theatre, as a birthday present from the Lovely Lynne i was taken to see the stage show of QUADRAPHEENYAH !!!

When i saw Grease i wasn't enthused to dress and act like a rocking 50's highschool 'jock'. When i saw the dinosaurs, i was informed i was already like a dinosaur as i was always hungry ,always bad-tempered and always roaring at my beloved little offspring, according to my beloved little offspring. But the PETE TOWNSHEND masterwork was different. It was very well done on the stage. The music and singing was really good and the whole thing was powerfully done, Mods n' rockers knocking 7 bells out of each other ,sex, dancing , pills and scooters, etc all very cleverly done. The energy was there. Whenever i was feeling pissed off i would always whack QUADRAPHENIA on the player, and by the end i was fairly charged up and able to face the world again. The Lovely Lynne would see the Quadrophenia box lying open and inquire, "Feeling better now?". The show had a little of that charge.

I left feeling like a mod. The 'Ace-Face', not just a 'number,'Walking the walk,leading with my chin and shoulders in front of my feet, With my 'Zoot-Suit, "white jacket with side vents 5 inches long"; Button down collars and the best Carnaby Street has to offer..Jump on the scooter with the mass of wing mirrors and with my parka with badges , nip down to Brighton to batter a few rockers. Get high on speed, uppers, downers, leapers and good ol' booze. Dance the night away and work on generating my attitude and cool. But there is a few differences from my imagination and life, as is. The clothes dont come from Carnaby Street, but St George, the Asda cheap range. Haven't got a scooter.But i've got a couple of wing mirrors from an old car in the shed. So, cant get to Brighton. The nearest bit of water is the sandbanks of the Mersey, or the nearest place with pier in the title is Wigan pier, even if there is no pier there. Don't pop pills, as i've got to take enough prescription f***'in' pills anyhow, so i'll chew on a packet of smarties,M&M's, or mint imperials. And i'll dance the evening away ,as long as i get my 10 hours beauty sleep in and the musics not too loud and not 'dance' music. I did have a parka, once, but that was designated a health hazard and dissappeared from my cool wardrobe along with a military combat jacket long ago. I s'pose maybe i've not got what it takes to be a mod, but I've got a few button-down collars and do tend to have the occasional drink(!!!!) , have a bad attitude and i'm cool, but that's 'cos the little'un's left the back door open, in fact i'm f***'in freezing.

HOW CAN A GEEZER BLAG A BANK IF HE CANT GET HIS BALACLAVER OVER HIS NOSE ?

The other day i had a busy day ahead of me .So, i put the kettle on , boiled an egg, made some toast sat and turned the telly on. After contemplation of the multiple tasks that the day held before me, i put the kettle on again and thought something along the lines of "Oooh F**k it !"..I knew there were things that i had to do, and i wasn't going to neglect my responsibilities. One of the tasks that had to be addressed was catching up on the growing collection of films that was building up on the SKY+system. The first i'd been meaning to watch was McVICAR, starring a certain Mr ROGER DALTREY. It wasn't bad. A certain Hard man called John McVicar had, apparently this annoying habit of going out with some like-minded 'tooled-up geezers' to pull a 'blag' at various banks. Then 'gettin' nicked' and sentanced to 'a stretch', 'in the nick'. After many attempts at escaping and gettin' a kickin' from' the screws'. He is finally released to go through the whole thing again. But 'our hero' escapes, but 'gets nicked again. But he gets a degree and writes about crime on the telly and newspapers and the film is a success and he lives happily ever after. Except, apparently his son, such a cute kid in the film ,playing 'footy' in the park with Roger Daltrey, with a Daltrey backing song playing away. The kid now he's 'all growed up', is 'a tooled -up armed robber, who's been 'sent down', just like his dad, he must be so proud.

I thought i might become 'a geezer';Be 'the daddy'; Pull a few blags; Etc,etc....... But ,not many of you know this but i've 'done time'. I've been in the toughest 'nicks' in the land. I've attempted to escape hundreds of times. Once i made it as far as the landing. When i did get out, the dogs had no trouble following my scent. This was due to an incident with a bar of soap in the shower ,so i never showered for the rest of my 'time'.

I've always believed in wearing the right'gear for a job.."If you pull a blag, pull it right," as my ol' dad used to say on our visits. So, i'd wear a stripped shirt a beret,or bobble hat, and a bag marked with SWAG. I had trouble with balaclavers, as my somewhat aqualine regal, upper class nose wouldn't fit under the wooly covering properly. And, purely coincidentally, the main girlfriends i had through my formative years and even the Lovely Lynne have all worked in various banks, so every 'blag' i pulled i was recognised. The following morning 'The Old Bill ' would bust in telling me how "They were 'the Sweeney and to put my trousers on. Then, for some reason how they hadn't had their dinner". Then off 'For a stretch'. All fascinating stuff, topped off with how i gave up honest thieving to become a criminal cartoonist. I wondered if Roger Daltrey would like to play me in the film. But ,everyone thought with a nose like mine, PETE TOWNSHEND would be better.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT 'THE KIDS',BUT THE THE 'ORRIBLE 'OO! ARE MORE THAN ALRIGHT !

T'was the Sunday before christmas,or two! and all was still, especially on the motorway network, or what laughingly passes for it on the way from the 'grotty norf' to the' sunny sarf', and our beloved capital of London,what with all this travelling and possibly...No,without doubt the worst couple of cups of coffee i've ever tasted in my whole adventurous life. I used to be a connoussieur of fine n' awful coffee's n' teas in paper n' plastic cups from service stations, greasy spoons and station platforms from my days of travelling when i was on the caricaturing circuit(ahh those were the days, i can tell you!). But the stuff i was slurping at ,not for refreshment, but just to postpone going back out to the car again for a few more hours of the dark frosty journey, was without doubt on a level of disgustednous that cannot be imagined. In my time away and off 'the road',the whole driving experience, the roads, the driving ,the whole sheebang ,now including the coffee has turned to complete and utter shite!..I always used to stop for a jam dougnut at Keele services, i can only hope that the jam doughnuts haven't been swept down in this general shitedness that has swept the land. But it's a long time since i've travelled those highways n'byeways, so, maybe i'll never know, maybe it'll be a good thing living in jam doughnut ignorance. Keeping my jam doughnut dreams alive...

You may well be wondering as to why we went on this voyage of discovery and bad coffee.....And don't get me staeted on the Watford Gap Kentucky fried chicken!......Somebodies lost Colonel Saunders secret recipe, believe me!....But the reason we put ourselves through all this was because we were on a pilgramage. THE WHO! ..were back in town! My two favourite pensioners in the whole world were back home. Namely, a certain Mr Roger Daltrey and a Mr Peter Townshend, of the parish. I remember years ago working at what was laughingly Tony Blair's ,(whatever happened to him?) crowning achievment ,tthat bloody tent that made us the laughing stock of the world, The Millenium dome. Famous because JAMES BOND(Pierce Brosnan,really!) dropped out of a balloon onto it in the 'World is not enough.' And of course the bridge that was fine as long as people didn't walk on it together in step,they had to stop marching as pedestrians in the city do all the time.They had to break step or the bridge'd start swinging. Doctor Who should think on that next time the Cybermen are chasing him through the big city. But what was the dome is now something called the indigO2 arena, or something. Do you remember the days when places were given names and not named after advertising logo's?...Proper names like ,Empire,Lycium,Palace ,etc,etc....Liverpool , for instance has the Echo Arena, i wonder where they got that name from!

But the IndigO2 is to be fair quite impressive and on the night i didn't realise until the end that next door to us a little band called COLDPLAY had been banging out a few tunes to a few fans. Theres not much chance of coldplay being heard over theWHO, but i'd like to think that the Cold play crowd were banging on the walls trying to get their noisey neighbours in THE WHO to hold it down a bit. The 'ORRIBLE 'OO' were wonderful, Townshend was wild and even at his advanced state of immortality full of adrenaline,power,aggression and just immpossible not to watch. Daltrey was still able to keep up and the screams ,etc, were all there and his power is still there. They enjoyed themselves and the banter from the stage was genuinley funny. The only problem was, we were up on a balconey quite a way back and some fuckin' prick, apparently from Leeds as he started singing about it, as if he was at the match.This, in between shouting witty Yorkshire reposts to a distant Townshend on the stage. I lost it and went for him, the 'Leatherbarrow finger' was pointing at him as i made my feelings known. I mean to say we'd travelled all bloody day ,spent a packet on tickets, suffered the motorway coffee n' Kentucky's just to listen to this knob'ead yelling down my 'lug'oles'?...No, i think not!

Afterwards my adrenaline was up and i was hyper n' tinglig all over looking for a quite corner where i could go and practise my Pete Townshend air guitar moves. The following day coming down from the high of the previous night into the morass of mundanities of an everyday Monday, i did a 'Pete' leap and windmill to 5.15, off QUADRAPHENIA (a little technical info, for the fans!), and pulled my bloody shoulder, the damn things still not right. And the pain wasn't helped by haven't to freeze my knackers off at a carol concert in the little 'un's school playground that night. Ah, the rock n' roll lifestyle, eh ?

PETE TOWNSHEND,(fingers not included)

The 'orrible 'oo'' play a VW van
rally in Germany(?)