JAMES BOND IS A BASTARD 'COS HE KILLS PEOPLE...DANIEL CRAIG IS A BASTARD TO DRAW!!..

Through the years ,basically my lifetime i've shared my boyhood and manhood with that secret agent ,that "BOND, JAMES BOND!" chap the worlds most famous secret agent. When i became "LEATHERBARROW, TIM LEATHERBARROW" not quite the worlds most famous caricaturist, i attempted to draw the various JAMES BONDS of which theres been a few. I will show you my attempts on a future post maybe even tomorrow if your very lucky. I did a good job, if i do say so myself. I actually liked all the various Bonds and dont really have favourites as i think the various actors changing helped the JAMES BOND films survive for so long. I love the character on film and book. DANIEL CRAIG took over the reins to much fuss n' bother in the beginning ,but has more than proved himself and is the toughest meanest of them all. JAMES BOND is a bastard 'cos he kills people , but DANIEL CRAIG  is a bastard as he's proving damn near impossible to draw.

DANNY CRAIG is a good looking fellah and isn't handsome in a classical normal way, he has a very distinctive look about him, but even though i can visualise him and his features for some reason which is starting to drive me nuts is ....I CANNOT DRAW THE BASTARD!....DANIEL CRAIG , I HATE YOU!.....

I've doodled his face on beermats ,envelopes and page borders in newspapers and yellow pages and managed to get a likeness, but when i go to draw up my imagined sudden epithany and understanding of the essence of our favourite..'HER MAJESTY'S BLUNT WEAPON!'...

I think it very brave and self -effacing of me to show you the various sad attempts and failures i've spawned over the last year or two. No doubt i'll pull my pencil out of the old pot full of other pencils of various lengths and leads and will try sgain. This last one above ,like many others ,as i was drawing away and 'had it' ,right up until a drawn line was drawn and the spirit of the drawing was suddenly gone in a fraction of a second it took to draw the line, but you still plug on for another couple of hours even though you know you've lost it, but hope always beats eternal for the struggling caricaturist. I'll either have another go ,or they'll have to change JAMES BOND for another JAMES BOND, one easier to draw.

SHERLOCK ,HIMSELF....BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH, ALMOST AS GOOD A NAME AS SHERLOCK HOLMES

I always thought TIM LEATHERBARROW was a bad enough name, but i take my sympathy hat off to a guy called BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH. He's an actor who plays somebody else with a cracker of a name...SHERLOCK HOLMES!....We all know the name ,but if you were given the name as your mum n' dad were fans of somebody else with a ood name, an author with the mouthful of a moniker ,SIR ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE, well you wouldnt be too happy. In a world were hardly anybody has a name with more than 3 letters unless its a nickname, the kids in your class at reform school wouldnt let you getaway with a name like Sherlock.

The other night we were watching the updated remake of the SHERLOCK HOLMES epic ,THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES in the BEEB series 'SHERLOCK'. I thought it was really good ,savage dogs and magnifying glasses replaced by animal testing, clone research, nerve gas and I-PODS. But it worked. The funny thing is ,its gotten me watching the old JEREMY BRETT excellent traditional adaptations of the original stories. I've been reading the new JAMES BOND book ,which name ive forgotten for the moment, but is actually very good,but i've also found myself watching the originals on DVD again.

Theres nothing wrong with trying to update our favourite heroes, there'll always be those fans who'll think of it as a form of heresy, but they can stand alone in their own right and expand the popularity of the originals, a new generation go back to the'source material 'to see what the fuss is all about. My daughter loves 'SHERLOCK' and loved the GUY RITCHIE, SHERLOCK HOLMES films, at least it gets her away from HARRY POTTER.

BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH,is a fine actor with that 'odd' look about him that a character like Holmes demands, i cant help thinking he'd 've made a good DOCTOR WHO. MATT SMITH has that 'odd' look, but is too young and the writers seem to be going very weird and could destroy one of the greatest fictional characters since SHERLOCK HOLMES.

DANIEL CRAIG N' STEVE McQUEEN ARE THEY RELATED OR AM I JUST A LOUSY CARICATURIST?...(That doesnt require an answer.)

As i'm sure many of you remember being dedicated followers of this font of wisdom that is this Blog, that i had a great deal of difficulty trying at one point getting a likeness of MR BOND!...JAMES BOND, himself ,or CRAIG ...DANIEL CRAIG as he is known in darling 'thesp' circles. I had another go at getting his craggy good looks from my brush to the inkpot to the paper. I think i got a 'likeness', but being the perfectionist you all know me to be it could've been better. I found an old attempt at 'THE COOLER KING' himself a certain mr STEVE McQUEEN, who looks a little like our DANNY. In my defence a few people mentioned how the two do have a similar facial structure, so i will claim that my keen caricaturist eye spotted that . So there they are ,if not brothers ,possibly cousins in caricature.

I've noticed that with the internet it was easy to get pictures of people on the computer and try and use the photographic reference as a template for your caricature. But now i've noticed , in many cases equally, if not bigger files exist of caricature images of the same people. I would say many people are using other peoples caricatures as the reference for their own work. Hopefully this wont cause a 'flattening out ' of styles as people just copy other existing styles and effects. The funny thing is ,if you look at DANIEL CRAIG caricature images ,theres not many that are any good. That made me feel a little better after my struggles.

THE ROYAL WEDDING! WE ALL SAW 'THAT' DRESS, BUT MANY OF US WONDERED ABOUT 'THE UNDERWEAR.

I have to apologise first off, as my ever alert finger on the pulse hasnt been alert or on the pulse ,due to a infilltration of the computer by stuff like viruses and trojans and worms and trojan worms, this was F**'IN up the computer and was nothing to do with a sky remake of JASON N' THE ARGONAUTS. But my alert finger and the pulse is back to entertain ,edjucate and no doubt annoy n bore the arse of the variety of weirdo's that read this shit. Anyhow fans and cuddly affecianado's of culture and crap here we go again ,no more excuses. But the world has turned a good number of times since these stubby fingers have battered the keyboard, and amongst the throng of stuff thats been n gone and been assigned to history was , that ROYAL WEDDING which suddenly came and went. The eyes of the world were set intently on 'THAT' dress!!!!!.....As the lovely bride left the family hotel to go and do the buisness at that big church. I listened to the women of the Leatherbarrow household "Ahh n' Coo" about 'THAT' dress. I couldnt help wondering about what was underneath .....'THOSE' commoner drawers from 'Marks n' Sparks' ?

Later on in the day i thought my questions would all be actually answered when that Welsh newscaster off the BEEB announced that when the new bride n groom left the palace they would do it in a manner which would be a suprise and a treat to all us commoners who'd parked their arses on the couch for the last hour or so, or those maniacs who'd parked their ,now soggy,grass stained arthritic arses outside the gates of the palace for 7 days or so. When the AIR SEA RESCUE helicopter flew over the palace i thought WILLIAM would attach himself to the rescue cable and hitch the missus up and carry her across the thousands of arched necks as the people swayed like reeds in the wind trying to see up 'THAT' dress at 'THE' underwear. But this was not to be. Instead they drove out in a good old JAMES BOND fashion in a wonderful ASTON MARTIN. I thought "Oh please, dear lord i will go to church every Sunday if you activate the EJECTOR SEAT in the button at the top of the gear stick!"....But ,alas t'was not to be. A simple request thought i, but the ol fellah wasn't in a granting meagresimple requests n' favours mood. Is it any wonder the numbers going to church on a Sunday are falling.

BOND IS BACK, BUT IS HE OO7, OR OO?

The other night after a few pints with a few mates in the fine city of Liverpool, now uncultured, just as we've always loved it. I returned to the bosom of my beloved, the lovely Lynne, who proved her loveliness by getting a chinese. Not a person on the couch in front of me, that would be silly, after what happened last time!..No, this time she got a take away meal for us to enjoy as we watched the DVD of 'A QUANTUM OF SOLACE'. The new James Bond film, of course. Now i am a confessed lover of everything Bond and always look foreward to the next film and rewatch the old ones again and again. I also think that Danny Craig ,the new boy is very good and thought Casino Royale was very good too. So, when i went to the pictures a few months ago, my spirits were high and there was something approaching excitment in my middleaged (slighty) protruding belly. But watching it, i thought the best word for it is, 'frenetic'. I put it down to sitting too close to the screen. But watching the DVD, it was worse. The film makers,in my considered opinion starting with the BOURNE films got increasingly 'frenetic'. They have decided 'The MTV generation' think that Frenzied and Frenetic means exciting and action-packed. Then this lousy stupid way of filming started turning up all over the place. Spiderman 3, compared to the first two was frenetic; The Dark Knight, frenetic. Now They've decided that 'Frenetic'is what we want. Whereas as far as i'm concerned these 'frenetically edited scenes are just totally baffling and confusing. I think i'll send them the bill for a new remote control, after the hammering it got watching Bond ."What happened there? Wind it back!". This went on for most of the film. So after a dissappointing meet up with my old hero, the lovely Lynne tells me "You stink of garlic!" I wasn't shaken or stirred, i was gutted. This never happens to James Bond.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT 'THE KIDS',BUT THE THE 'ORRIBLE 'OO! ARE MORE THAN ALRIGHT !

T'was the Sunday before christmas,or two! and all was still, especially on the motorway network, or what laughingly passes for it on the way from the 'grotty norf' to the' sunny sarf', and our beloved capital of London,what with all this travelling and possibly...No,without doubt the worst couple of cups of coffee i've ever tasted in my whole adventurous life. I used to be a connoussieur of fine n' awful coffee's n' teas in paper n' plastic cups from service stations, greasy spoons and station platforms from my days of travelling when i was on the caricaturing circuit(ahh those were the days, i can tell you!). But the stuff i was slurping at ,not for refreshment, but just to postpone going back out to the car again for a few more hours of the dark frosty journey, was without doubt on a level of disgustednous that cannot be imagined. In my time away and off 'the road',the whole driving experience, the roads, the driving ,the whole sheebang ,now including the coffee has turned to complete and utter shite!..I always used to stop for a jam dougnut at Keele services, i can only hope that the jam doughnuts haven't been swept down in this general shitedness that has swept the land. But it's a long time since i've travelled those highways n'byeways, so, maybe i'll never know, maybe it'll be a good thing living in jam doughnut ignorance. Keeping my jam doughnut dreams alive...

You may well be wondering as to why we went on this voyage of discovery and bad coffee.....And don't get me staeted on the Watford Gap Kentucky fried chicken!......Somebodies lost Colonel Saunders secret recipe, believe me!....But the reason we put ourselves through all this was because we were on a pilgramage. THE WHO! ..were back in town! My two favourite pensioners in the whole world were back home. Namely, a certain Mr Roger Daltrey and a Mr Peter Townshend, of the parish. I remember years ago working at what was laughingly Tony Blair's ,(whatever happened to him?) crowning achievment ,tthat bloody tent that made us the laughing stock of the world, The Millenium dome. Famous because JAMES BOND(Pierce Brosnan,really!) dropped out of a balloon onto it in the 'World is not enough.' And of course the bridge that was fine as long as people didn't walk on it together in step,they had to stop marching as pedestrians in the city do all the time.They had to break step or the bridge'd start swinging. Doctor Who should think on that next time the Cybermen are chasing him through the big city. But what was the dome is now something called the indigO2 arena, or something. Do you remember the days when places were given names and not named after advertising logo's?...Proper names like ,Empire,Lycium,Palace ,etc,etc....Liverpool , for instance has the Echo Arena, i wonder where they got that name from!

But the IndigO2 is to be fair quite impressive and on the night i didn't realise until the end that next door to us a little band called COLDPLAY had been banging out a few tunes to a few fans. Theres not much chance of coldplay being heard over theWHO, but i'd like to think that the Cold play crowd were banging on the walls trying to get their noisey neighbours in THE WHO to hold it down a bit. The 'ORRIBLE 'OO' were wonderful, Townshend was wild and even at his advanced state of immortality full of adrenaline,power,aggression and just immpossible not to watch. Daltrey was still able to keep up and the screams ,etc, were all there and his power is still there. They enjoyed themselves and the banter from the stage was genuinley funny. The only problem was, we were up on a balconey quite a way back and some fuckin' prick, apparently from Leeds as he started singing about it, as if he was at the match.This, in between shouting witty Yorkshire reposts to a distant Townshend on the stage. I lost it and went for him, the 'Leatherbarrow finger' was pointing at him as i made my feelings known. I mean to say we'd travelled all bloody day ,spent a packet on tickets, suffered the motorway coffee n' Kentucky's just to listen to this knob'ead yelling down my 'lug'oles'?...No, i think not!

Afterwards my adrenaline was up and i was hyper n' tinglig all over looking for a quite corner where i could go and practise my Pete Townshend air guitar moves. The following day coming down from the high of the previous night into the morass of mundanities of an everyday Monday, i did a 'Pete' leap and windmill to 5.15, off QUADRAPHENIA (a little technical info, for the fans!), and pulled my bloody shoulder, the damn things still not right. And the pain wasn't helped by haven't to freeze my knackers off at a carol concert in the little 'un's school playground that night. Ah, the rock n' roll lifestyle, eh ?

QUANTUM OF SOLACE!. I'LL SWOP MY BUCKET OF SOLACE FOR YOUR QUANTUM, ANYTIME, MR BOND!

JAMES BOND'S cold grey eyes gazed unblinkingly straight ahead, even as the room echoed to the sound of explosions; Rockets firing and the so familiar sound of machine gun fire."Thunderbirds". Bond hissed impatiently through tightly clenched teeth and pressed the cold plastic button on the Sky T.v remote control. He'd seen this one, where Thunderbird 3 has to rescue a ship which is flying straight at the sun. He turned through the channels from the Sci-Fi channel to the ridiculosly named 'Dave' channel where the new Aston Martin DB9 was being reviewed by Jeremy Clarkson on 'Top Gear'. Bond was a little irritated that this 'so-called' expert who never made any mention of the cars inbuilt armoury of twin Vickers machine guns:Rocket launchers or ,even ejector seat.

Bond took a bite of his toasted Wharburtons bread; Buttered with 'I can't believe it's not butter', using the clean side of the knife. Sipped at his Yorkshire tea made with 30 second boiled warrington tap water and 2 heaped spoons of sugar. He opened his sealed orders from 'L'. He had to hoover the living room and clean the kitchen; Walk the dogs and pick 'the little 'un 'up from school. Bond swore. It had been almost a fortnight since his last adventure when he had to travel the world; Bed beautiful women and commit various acts of mass destruction, murder and genocide, all washed down with a fine wine and dinner. It was his own fault, he had to admit if he was honest with himself. Bond had began to wonder if he'd had enough of the constant danger and always having to be' on the edge'. He had said, at one point that he needed ,just a, Quantum of Solace". A tiny piece of peace and quiet. Then those filmpeople that lived their life making films about him pounced on the phrase and were due to make another killing with yet another film about his killings.

Tim Leatherbarrow, cartoonist and would be agent, spy and goverment 'blunt tool'. said that if he wanted a Quantum of solace, he's got buckets of solace. He had so much peace n' quiet he didn't know what to do with it. So, if Bond wanted some of that he could help himself. So Tim is off somewhere causing untold destruction murder n' mayhem.The dinner suits a little loose on his small but perfectly formed frame; He's got to watch it with the ladies as 'L', The lovely Lynne'd kill him; And, he's got to take it a little easier on the 'pop, due to medical reasons. So, it's down to destruction and food, for agent00.7, (Decimal fraction of 007!). Bond sighed and plugged in the triple suction, ball roller Dyson hoover to make a start on the living room carpet, "Damn", he snarled to himself. As the Dyson started pulling at the carpet fibres,and a page of the Warrington Guardian wrapped around the hoovers front roller.