IF YOUR NUCLEAR FUSION REACTOR'S KNACKERED I CAN HELP, BUT IF YOUR TOILETS BUNGED UP YOUR KNACKERED ,I'M SORRY !

Most people know somebody who can 'do jobs'. Y'know plumbing or a bit of 'Elekky' jobs around the house, and so the list goes on. I know a few lads like this , but i've gone further. I've moved foreward into the 21st century social circle. A world where people don't rely on plumbers and basic 'elekky' skills but are much more advanced. I have a cicle of friends and aquaintances who are nothing less than NUCLEAR INSPECTORS. So, if you have any troubles with your cold fusion reactor in the years to come, give me a shout .'I know a fellah, and a woman, who can sort you out'. If your toilets bunged up ,or the telly's not getting channel5, or something, i wont be much help to you. But if your nuclear power station is giving you problems, give us a shout.

BOND IS BACK, BUT IS HE OO7, OR OO?

The other night after a few pints with a few mates in the fine city of Liverpool, now uncultured, just as we've always loved it. I returned to the bosom of my beloved, the lovely Lynne, who proved her loveliness by getting a chinese. Not a person on the couch in front of me, that would be silly, after what happened last time!..No, this time she got a take away meal for us to enjoy as we watched the DVD of 'A QUANTUM OF SOLACE'. The new James Bond film, of course. Now i am a confessed lover of everything Bond and always look foreward to the next film and rewatch the old ones again and again. I also think that Danny Craig ,the new boy is very good and thought Casino Royale was very good too. So, when i went to the pictures a few months ago, my spirits were high and there was something approaching excitment in my middleaged (slighty) protruding belly. But watching it, i thought the best word for it is, 'frenetic'. I put it down to sitting too close to the screen. But watching the DVD, it was worse. The film makers,in my considered opinion starting with the BOURNE films got increasingly 'frenetic'. They have decided 'The MTV generation' think that Frenzied and Frenetic means exciting and action-packed. Then this lousy stupid way of filming started turning up all over the place. Spiderman 3, compared to the first two was frenetic; The Dark Knight, frenetic. Now They've decided that 'Frenetic'is what we want. Whereas as far as i'm concerned these 'frenetically edited scenes are just totally baffling and confusing. I think i'll send them the bill for a new remote control, after the hammering it got watching Bond ."What happened there? Wind it back!". This went on for most of the film. So after a dissappointing meet up with my old hero, the lovely Lynne tells me "You stink of garlic!" I wasn't shaken or stirred, i was gutted. This never happens to James Bond.