WAS IT THE INVENTION OF THE WHEEL OR THE TOILET HANDLE THAT CHANGED THE WORLD!....

As i was sitting about my abolutions having a dump ,or however you want to refer a natural relaxing and very neccesary ,but deeply frowned upon and ignored bodily function. It is good for the obvious reasons, but one of them in particular , like every cartoonist ,for some reason their toilet is a miniture library with comics and books piled high in the smallest room and so a great deal of time is spent emptying your lower parts while filling your upper parts with knowledge gleaned from whatever comic i am reading. In the old days of the simple flush where the cistern was up above your head you could yank the handle without having to move and carry on with your bog literary pursuits happily with nothing but a slightly wet bum. What also happened as you sat on the bogseat for up to an hour or so at a time ,you could lose the feeling to your legs ,but attain a bright red ring circling your upper buttocks and the back of your legs that would almost glow in the dark. Another danger was if after years of yanking the wooden handle ,it came off, and the chain unless that had snapped and was replaced by a looped piece of wire which i remember yanking on and the wire cutting into the crease of my palm and fingers. So i sat there on the lav with my hand bleeding over X-MEN issue 42. When ,a fter this i became aware of the dangers inherrant in going to the bog i wondered could i be sucked down by the flush vacumn and living in the NORTHERN HEMISPHERE getting sucked CLOCKWISE  down the plug hole....If i was in the SOUTHERN HEMISPHERE, well it would be an ANTI-CLOCKWISE down the Australian plug'ole.

But the time spent sitting improving my mind and toughening my buttocks on the toilet seat where shortened when the toilet cistern was lowered to below shoulder level and the handle was a press one. This entailed actually having to stand and press, so the moment had passed and you may as well wrap up and wait 'till your next visit to see if SPIDERMAN beats DOCTOR OCTOPUS...This lowereing of the flush lever meant that the later generations spent less time on the bog reading and improving their mind then we did in our day, and i propose that is partly the reason the kids of today are as thick as pig shit.  Now the press handle has gone replaced by hi-tech button press flushes on the top of the cistern ,one side is a little flush for pee's n' things the other is for heavier cargoes and loads...Keeps breaking tho' ,like all technological advances the cleverer they are the more can go wrong and the cleverer you have to be to fix them. But i'll leave it to you to decide which has had the greatest effect on the development and evolution of the human psyche ,the wheel or the toilet handle?...Bear in mind have you ever read a book riding a bike?


READING COMICS ON THE 'BOG', GOES HI-TECH !

One of the great joys and pleasures of life is locking yourself in the toilet, seating yourself comfortably on the 'bog' and reading a comic or tabloid newspaper. Cartoonists are the main offenders and are the only people i've seen with magazine racks and bookcases in the smallest room. But that is about to change. Hi-Technology is coming to the Lavvy!....

If you look to the list of links on the side of the blog page . One of the list is for a pair who call themselves DARREN & DISHI (darren.phillips7@ntlworld.com)......They produce computer discs of all the comic characters you could ever think of. For a couple of quid you get hundreds of issues, annuals and specials of 'whoever' from Superman and Batman to Spiderman and The X-men and millions more. I've spent months plowing through the collection of comics ,curled up on the couch with the lap top. And recently, much as i would never have believed it until recently. I have sat reading comics on the 'bog' from my laptop. The time spent is gradually getting longer and longer and the seat ring on my backside is taking longer and longer to disappear between 'visits'. There is now an extension lead constantly ready in case of emergency on the landing outside the 'Lavvy'. This is in case the lap-top battery goes flat and i need to connect the charger. I mean you cant be left locked in the 'Kharzi' with a flat battery and Magneto on the verge of destroying The X-Men; Doctor Doom annihalating the Fantastic Four; The Green Goblin murdering Spiderman; The Joker doing for Batman, etc,etc.....Jeez! it doesn't bear thinking about.

DARREN & DISHI are well worth getting in touch with ,they'll send you a list of all the titles available and its amazing ,tell 'em you read about it here. I still like comics with paper and staples and no one can replace the boxloads in the attic. But i'm now doing my bit for the planet . Reading about all these heroes saving the planet, by having hundreds of comics on a little cd disc, rather than a 40 foot pile of paper and staples.

IF YOUR NUCLEAR FUSION REACTOR'S KNACKERED I CAN HELP, BUT IF YOUR TOILETS BUNGED UP YOUR KNACKERED ,I'M SORRY !

Most people know somebody who can 'do jobs'. Y'know plumbing or a bit of 'Elekky' jobs around the house, and so the list goes on. I know a few lads like this , but i've gone further. I've moved foreward into the 21st century social circle. A world where people don't rely on plumbers and basic 'elekky' skills but are much more advanced. I have a cicle of friends and aquaintances who are nothing less than NUCLEAR INSPECTORS. So, if you have any troubles with your cold fusion reactor in the years to come, give me a shout .'I know a fellah, and a woman, who can sort you out'. If your toilets bunged up ,or the telly's not getting channel5, or something, i wont be much help to you. But if your nuclear power station is giving you problems, give us a shout.

HOW MANY CARICATURES ARE THERE ON THE WALL OF THE BOG IN No10 D0WNING ST ???

As i sat with my gallon mug of tea ;Two boiled eggs and very heavily buttered toasted crumpets watching what the rest of the world was up to at this ungodly hour of the morning. I find being shoved out of my nice warm bed by my beloved lovely lady Lynne isn't something i enjoy. I've never been a morning person. Come to that, i've never been an afternoon , evening or night person either. There must be a ten minute period of the day where i'm at my peak.....But it's definitly not the morning ,or this early morning. I'm the only one not going out, but its me getting up to bring them tea n' coffee in bed, if i had the 'bottle' it'd be over the bed ! But, ironically the one thing that eases my misery and foul early morning temper is seeing how bad and miserable the rest of the world is. In maths and physics two negatives make a positive. A positive and a negative form a negative ,so i stay away from cheery programmes and cheerful man and woman double acts on the newsroom settee in the ITV and BBC newsroom until i'm ready and my depression and misery has hit ground zero and bounced back upwards to a level which could be called relatively un-miserable. It was at this point , this morning when i turned the BEEB morning news programme on and they had the wonderful MARTIN ROWSON on talking about being told off for making our beloved leader, Gordon Brown look fat. Martin came out with the best description of our glorious leader when he described his jaw movements as, "Like swallowing a sheep". Nice one Mr Rowson, sir.


It has alway amused me when i watch the politicians, esspecially, look a caricatures of themselves. I don't think i've ever seen one that hasn't grinned broadly with an open mouthed laugh to follow, to show how they can take and appreciate the joke. But this animated appreciation is accompanied by a steely cold glint in their scheming dead fish politicians eyes. Through the years i've caricatured politicians and celebrities, the celebrities are a many and varied lot, but the politicians are a more homogenous lot. They'll tell me how great it is and how i've made them look a little overweight; Use my first name and for a moment or two i think i'm going to be invited to dinner and be friends for life. But that passes, very quickly, and eyecontact which was so intense for a second or two is broken, never to be re-established again.


Even today i meet people who have caricatures i did of them years ago. And, it is true that many of them actually do hang them up on the toilet wall. Now i don't know why, maybe it's a form of artistic criticism, its the place to put it if it's shit. Or, its the opposite , as people spend a lot of time in the 'bog' ,they can sit and shit and admire your mastery of the inky line and almost mystical understanding of the structure and composition of the human face and through this talent and knowledge reveal the true spirit and character that a big head,massive nose ,sticky out ears and smaller, but bloated body can reveal. If the toilet in number 10 has them on the wall. The smallest room would have to be, by far the biggest room. The caricatures would have to be computerised on a wall screen, and while the leader of men is sitting about his buisness the caricature would be of a thumbnail gallery , as on computer websites. Now theres a horrifying thought. Will there ever be a time when people will stop reading books ,papers ,comics and magazines on the 'bog' and sit there with their laptop...Who says technology is a wonerful thing?

PEOPLE RECOGNISE ME FROM MY SELF CARICATURES, DOES THAT MEAN I'M TWISTED ,DISTORTED N' UGLY, OR I'M A GOOD CARICATURIST?

Only a week or so ago, if you've been paying attention you will have known about my adventure at a comic fare down in 'Brum', with that fine physical wreck Hunt Emerson . On the night i arrived for the musical opening in a boozer in the city, i was waiting for Hunts lovely lady Jane, as she being the fine Irish girl she is doesn't like to see a travelling cartoonist without a drink. But as i sat there, a very attractive young lady came over to me and said those words that all us egotistical bastard who draw(hopefully) funny piccies for a living want to hear..."Excuse me, but are you Tim Leatherbarrow?"
In response to this welcome inquiry, a small tsunami of smugness swept over me, and i raised a nonchalent eyebrow, that Roger Moore would've been in awe of ,in any opening of an episode of the saint. I could almost hear the music, and took it for granted there was a halo over my head. She told me she read my blog and enjoyed it,( going well, so far!) Then...." I recognised your face from the caricatures you've done of yourself. The eyebrow dropped dragging the other one with it ,to a point midway down my nose, yes ,i know thats a long way for an eyebrow to drop. This movement caused a suave smug Simon Templar to become Urko, the bad tempered gorilla general off Planet of the apes. And the halo dropped over my head and tightened around my neck.
But i managed ,by sheer force of will to haul my deep frowning eyebrows back over my eyeballs and once again those sparkling blue Leatherbarrow eyes beamed out on the world again. So, this lady had recognised my twisted, distorted, ugly, monsterous caricatures i did of myself . So the question must be asked am i twisted, distorted and monsterously ugly, or am i an excellent caricaturist? I'll let you decide.(loud bang, as Tim shoots himself in foot!) I know, joking aside ,what you all think ,,Yesss! ...Thats it i'm a wonderful caricaturist.
Every silver lining has a cloud, or something like that ,but this has been an excuse to put some of those excellent caricatures on display again, "You lucky people!"

I WENT TO THE TOILET WITH BATMAN !!!

Last week i went to my very first comic festival, and a very strange affair t'was as well. The fine Hunt Emerson and his lovely lady Jane let me stay in their humble home and fed n' watered me , so thanks for every thing.(the cheques in the post!). There was an opening night party at a pub in 'Brum' city centre and Hunt and his band 'Let rip' ,he's a fine 'Little plucker' is our Mr Emerson. Then they were followed by two editors from DC, a brit n' a yank who hadn't rehearsed, but they were quite good. They were followed by a bit of a heavy rock band who weren't bad, they played some unusual songs, given a rock twist and came out quite well. (e.g. 'The avenues and alleyways and Delilah',as heavy metal songs.) I got upset as they did a version of The Osmonds 'Crazy Horses', turned into the Who's 'Wont get fooled again', then from The Who back to the Osmonds' Crazy Horses'....hmmmmm?????!!!!!!






The following morning i was booted off the very comfy settee i snored the night away on. A gallon of tea and a loaf of toast and off we jolly well went to the Millenium point ,i think it was called, a very impressive building with one floor full of comics. We set up Hunts stuff and i got coffee for Hunts friends and guests, (arent i wonderful?..Didn't i mention i was wonderful?); Tony, the publisher and salesman, Paul, a canadian artist and Steve ,who Hunt does work for. All nice guys, not as wonderful as me, but who is, eh? I went out to get the drinks and passed a very long queue of very strange looking people, for it was they, the comic fans. A lot in fancy dress and some real weird dressed ones who became weirder when i found out they weren't in fancy dress. Finally the doors burst open and the hoards powered in ,i dont know about bulls in china shops, but herds of buffalo's in comic shops. Lots of comics ,maybe not too suprisingly. But i was made up to find an IPC stand with sheets of original artwork from all the British comics ;Lion,Valiant,even the Eagle ;Robot Archie; The Steel claw,etc, etc, No Dan Dare, but the Eagle stuff was great. It was all very enjoyable .There was artists drawing away, a couple really good guys i managed to view past the crowds queuing around them. I was sent for coffee just as a slightly recovered Jane made a showing. It had taken a couple of gallons of strong tea at her friends breakfast table to attempt to drown the 'Hangover'(never?). But she was her usual cheery self soon enough. Poor ol' Hunt's suffered tho' ,he's done his back in and lost a filling the day before on a plate of muesli(there ,i told you these health foods'll do you no good. But does anyone listen?)....So, that was giving the 'lad' a bit o' gyp. But our hero ,beared up manfully, he wasn't going to let a busted tooth get in the way of making money.

I decided it was time to retire to 'The Bog', so without a second thought i found a cubicle to accomodate my very specific requirements, and set too fulfilling those requirements. As i sat there, listening to a sexually orientated convoluted conversation, which i felt i should let them finish before i showed my face. So after a good flush i walked over to the sink( you've got to be seen to make the effort, haven't you.) I just happened to glance up and the speaker was Batman! Not a crappy Adam West schoolboy vest version, but the whole moulded suit, i'm sure Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman dressed him that morning.Thoroughly 'gobsmacked', i walked out desperatly needing a strong drink.







When i said i was going to the comic 'do', Elara ,the daughter ,when she found i was seeing Hunt, "Hunt Emerson,COOL!"....Hunt through the years gawd bless'im has done bits of work for her, and shes a big fan and never misses the Beano, for Hunt Emerson. But i bought a couple of Hunts more 'Artistic' Stuff ,shall we say? Firkin the cat ,etc I don't think i'll show this stuff to 'My little angel', cos at the end of the day "your a very sick/strange/weird man, Mr Emerson, but we love ya!"

Ways to keep a cartoonist happy