WATCH ODD PEOPLE....AS THE MOST EVIL DEADLY PEOPLE IN HISTORY WERE TOTAL WEIRDO BARNPOTS !

T

kim jong un the new nutter on the block!

Throughout history the world has been run by kings ,emperors, Fakirs ,etc ,all living in the lap of luxury ,but when they got bored called up the starving subjects to march across countries to invade somebody and have a good war.

ALthough they were probably nuts ,many were actual warriors and would show their regal gob on the battlefield which ,in those long gone times actually inspired their men to fight....Can you imagine any of our leaders on the battlefield filling us with inspiration nowadays.

last century we had The Duke of Wellington fighting a clever little odd bod called Napolean ,known in legend as a dwarf with his hand inside his jacket all the time, but he ,apparently was perfectly normal sized and normal and very clever ,The Frogs (now with them farting about over Brexit ,400 men to go from Vauxhall and owning companies over her, we don't have to be nice to them ! anymore)....Well they worshipped their emperor. And probably with good reason , but then we had Waterloo....That shut les gobs!

The first world war didn't really have a central character, not until a greasy haired comb over with a snotty little moustache named ADOLPH HITLER decided to take over the world. His far right beliefs got rid of all kinds of races ,religions in the quest for land for the Germans and purity of race. Short arsed little runt who fancied himself as an artist ,but couldn't make it ,so years of war and destruction and  planned extermination of millions of men women and children just cos he got upset !

Mussollini was the dictator in charge in Italy ,a really odd baldy bulging eyed weirdo ,very animated and when he spoke you could probably hear it in England. He was jealous of Hitler and wanted the Italian military to show what they could do ,which to be honest wasn't much, aside from being beaten and surrendering in mind boggling numbers. Apparently very fond of the ladies, to show how stupid he was ,he built a series around a lake ,in fact they appear in the opening of the James Bond film, 'Quantum of Solace' in a car chase. Musso' ,as he was named in a cartoon strip named the longer tunnels after his favourite women and the shorter after the not so highly thought of ...If thats not living on the edge ,tell me what is .

Around the same time we made friends with one evil bastard JOSEPH STALIN...In charge of Russia ,he was a bear of a man who ruled with an iron paw. He and Hitler made a pact and would split what they could strip from countries they intended to over run ,but Hitler being a bad person betrayed him and invaded Russia and us Brits sent Russia as much aid as we could , the countries gradually starving but we sent supplies and lives on the Artic convoys to supply Stalin.

He shot himself in the foot as being totally ruthless and paranoid he shot a mass of his best generals , so when the Germans were at the gates of Moscow and fighting for Stalingrad it was the Russian winter that beat the Germans . Stalin ordered that anyone comes back from the front or escapes the Germans to be shot for cowardice....Alround sweet'eart he was !

But in more recent times our nutjobs are in the middle east and muslim lands . .SADDAM HUSSEIN was in charge in his lovely palaces with the goverment and military run by his mind boglingly rich family. In charge of Iraq . He fancied himself as a noble military leaderalways in military ftigues ,probably designer fitted and a beret. He was a hard leader and people were tortured and a harsh regime was ruled by his iron fist . When the good ol yanks and uk under our noble leader TONY BLAIR in vaded and got rid of poor old sad Saddam. His country decended into anarchy and chaos which it's never recovered , It seems the Muslim people are only content with an absolute bastard in charge ,as he ,like the military ,sunglass clad ,medal collecting leader in LIBYA , COLONEL GADDAFFI. He was an equal totally nuts bastard ruling with an iron fist , but he was  home for terrorists ,the Lockerbie bombing ; The SAS seige of the London Libyan embassy, etc . When he went the militant muslim chaos ensued

Iran was quite a trendy fashionable place when the SHAH ran the place ,but the extreme muslim faction under the evil eyed AYATOLLAH  moved in and strict muslim law was enforced, as well as a ruck of nuclear missiles so its believed .

And our latest totally bonkers leader of men is that hilarious KIM JONG UN in charge of NORTH KOREA who are happy to starve their people to pay for their military expansion and the nuclear missiles which are going to hit America ,"imminentally"!

Next weirdo ,with a funny hair cut, moustache, etc, just watch what you say , he could be running the worlds nuclear arsenal or concenteration camps before you know it !

RUGBY A GAME FOR GENTLEMEN PLAYED BY BLOODY BIG PSYCHOTIC NOT VERY GENTLE-MEN!..

Rugby a hooligans game played by gentlemen ,apparently....Bloody big ,psychotically deranged gentlemen maybe ,but there y'go. I was watching the 6 nations games ,over the weekend and noticed how the players nowadays are a lot more muscely and hard n meaner looking than in days of yore. It also adds to the meaness when you've got these French eight foot fifteen fellahs with hair down around their shoulders and everyone calling them 'horse' , or some animal name.

It also strikes me as odd ,when i used to watch and ,yes ,once upon a time play rugby ,the players would all be covered in mud and green grass stains. But not now ,yellows ,blues ,purples a variety of pastel shades from the pitch adverts.

I remember working at a caricature'gig' up in Scotland a number of years ago and while i was scribbling away the Englih squad arrived to play Sotland the following day. Jeez! they were big bastards, not just big ,but ,big!...I was passing by a hallway in the hotel and the players lined the hall waiting to get into their rooms. A little maid had to 'run the gauntlet', of walking down the length of the hall with these leering monsters either side. She looked absolutly terrified.

As i've been a little lazy of recent i've put on a few rugby cartoons wot i done over the life of this here blog. Hope ya like 'em!

RUGBY, A THUGS GAME PLAYED BY GENTLEMEN AND ADVERTISERS...

The other day as i watched the English rugby squad; smash ,slaughter and destroy the French......Excuse me a moment ......"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!!!!........Right, where wuz i?"........ "Oh yep i remember...HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!...Oh sorry about that i shall make an effort to get to the point starting in the very next paragraph...Honest !....(snigger, chortle , cackle...)

In the middle of the pitch was this huge advert for some bank, but its painted in such a way that it's in perspective to the television cameras over in the stands alongside the pitch. Which i find a little disconcerting it makes the pitch look as if its been tipped up on one side, and the pitch is on a 60 degree slope and the ball and the players should be bouncing and rolling down to the nearside touchline. The only way to reach the far side touchline would be with climbing boots; knotted ropes and crampons. And then theres the crowd around and behind the advert. They would see it at very different angles to the pristine bank advert we television armchair supporters see.( after all it is us that matter.) It would be viewed as a variety of distorted shapes, depending where in the ground you are seated. Also, on occassions the paint comes off the company logo, onto the players .Instead of ,grass,mud and blood colours, as one would expect. There is quite often ;Pinks, blues, oranges and a whole spectrum of corporate logo colours plastered over our Butch boys.

Around the pitch where once the advertising hoardings were in front of the crowd. These days there are a number of parrallel hoardings as they are now digital. And now a whole range of clever animated adverts are displayed,then break up into digital dots to advertise something new then change again, or go back to the beginning. During the England game there was a pork pie advert and part of this consisted of a pork pie travelling the length of the pitch. This caused a fantastically surreal vision of an England winger racing down the wing being overtaken by a digital pork pie zipping along the advertising hoarding.......!

The change of ads ,the break up of the digital dots n' stuff , is according to my sister and wife, who suffer from migraine, the oncoming of an attack is not dissimilar to the effects on the screens. I noticed during a recent trip to London, that a lot of Ads , mainly on the tube are digital /video/liveaction/ whatever?.....20 adverts of the same adonis-like man with his 6,7,or 8pack stomach(bastard) having a shave .This is a very boring image and i find it very irritating, especially as the gorgeous gobshite is smiling at his reflection in the mirror....Nobody smiles when they are shaving!..Shaving is a pain in the arse, even as your shaving the chin and if you do smile, the advertised - crappy8 blade dispossable Zoom blade, or whatever it's called will cut chunks out of your face....The pain is then compounded by throwing the stuff in the advert that is fresh and full of Zing, much like the throwing of concenterated sulphuric acid over the mass of open sore that was once your face. Thats the difference between advertising and real life....Real life is pain...Advertising is just a pain.

THE MYSTERY CANOEIST, AND THE HARTLEPOOL MONKEY HANGERS...DO THEY GIVE HIM LA BANANA OR LA SNAIL FINALE?

All this week has been about the supposedly forgotten doings and dealings of the mystery canoeist. I know what the mystery is for me. Why would a man go out early morning ,not the warmest time of the day; Esspecially in the North East ,not the warmest part of the country; To go canoeing in the North Sea ,not the warmest stretch of water in the world. Aaah ,all these mysteries just lining up to increase my bafflement and beffudlement with the world. But ,all is not lost .According to my very tall Geordie mate Simon,the answers obvious. He reliably informed me that given a choice between staying in Hartlepool and freezing your nuts off on the North Sea, most people would go for the latter. And i must admit ,i've noticed they do like their canoes up the North East. He also told me the tale of THE MONKEY HANGERS. Which i shall now relate to you ...Sitting comfortably ?..Right i shall begin.

It was during the Napoleonic wars . A ship ran aground ,or sank,or some 'shippy' thing like that,around Hartlepool. The only survivor was a monkey. The monkey was the ships mascot and was dressed in a little military looking uniform. The locals had never seen a Frenchman and had only heard the horrific anti -'frog' propaganda ,and hoplessly exaggerated drunken tales from in the Ale-'ouses. Much the same as today. So ,they jumped to the obvious and safe conclusion that the monkey was a French spy. So, they gave the condemned monkey his last banana and hung him.Well, lets face it ,he was a lousey lucky mascot for the ship and it's crew. And he didn't have much luck for himself. He was also a lousy spy, the French never did find out Hartlepools military secrets(?),or where the canoes were kept. But the French lost the war, coincidence? I think not. But since then according to Simon who's from the fine city of Newcastle the Hartlepoolians are known as MONKEYHANGERS. But he would say that ,wouldn't he .

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