AAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!F**KIN' CERTIFIED FRUSTRATION FREE PACKAGING????

                   As it has been mentioned in past blogs ,as well you should know if you've been paying attention to the garbled rubbish i fill cyberspace with ,well you'll know that only a few days ago ,yours truly celebrated his 52nd birthday. My daughter has stolen my light by having her birthday on my birthday. Everybody goes "Ahh isn't that nice!"....No, not particually! Family ring up to inquire about her birthday and i have to slip into the conversation about why JULY15th is such a big day for another reason , basically 'cos of me! JULY 15th has been my birthday for 38 years longer than it has hers. My aged ,slightly hung over body was dragged out of bed at some ungodly hour as madam wanted to open her presents! Eventually it came to me to open my cards and things ,all very pleasant and i do like birthdays ,etc ,i like anything that means people give me things.

One of my present was a fairly large cardboard box. A sign on the side announced that it was 'CERTIFIED FRUSTRATION FREE PACKAGING'!...I had never seen that before and thought it quite amusing as i began my attempt to open the box without getting frustrated. THE LOVELY LYNNE told me to take it easy and had a go and failed miserably. I had another go and broke into a bout of severe bad language as i thought i'd broken my little finger and in a fit of CERTIFIED FRUSTRATION i tore the top of the box.

When we cleared the cardboard debris and i spent a few seconds sucking my finger and trying not to swear i took a look at what wonders lay within this FRUSTRATION FREE CONTAINER,because funnily enough it told me how easy it would be to open it ,but not why. It didn't say what it contained. Eventually i discovered a KINDLE E-BOOK READER. Which i wasn't sure i'd want ,but i have to admit i'm quite enjoying it. Still read books ,etc ,can't beat a good second hand book shop y'know!

YOUR BORN ,THEY CUT THE CORD AND THE CATAPULT OF LIFE SLINGS YOU THROUGH YOUR LIFE TO A HOLE AND YOU DIE!!!

                                                                                        The older you get the faster time seems to fly by .The concept of time travel and being able to travel into the future is said to be pure science fiction, but its not! Anyone who has had a 52nd birthday as i just have and those poor swine who're even older, as a bunch of my cousins are, who, much to my joy and amusement   are suffering the advent of advanced years at around the same time as my own birthday, thankfully it eases my own pain to see others suffer. These time travellers as that is what they are, know the feeling of having some event or something far ahead in the future and then  you wake up one morning and its zoomed past into the distant past and is dissapearing into your memories....Theres nothing wonderful or nice about it !  It is F**kin' terrifying. One day your a kid ,then a schoolkid and having a wild time with friends and fellow batchelors gay .(The 'G' word here is used in the free ,wild ,boozing ,womanising context ,before it was stolen). Now ,suddenly the 'WILD BUNCH' aren't quite so wild as their wives and their bad backs wont let them.
                                                                           Physicists say that the reason time goes foreward is due to THE ARROW OF TIME! There is a force called ENTROPY a posh scientific word for the increasing universal disorder. As order becomes disorder its ENTROPY increases which, apparently is the way of the universe....Everything is falling apart! Most of use can feel the effects of ENTROPY, or the feeling your life , body ,etc is falling apart...Aches pains ,etc its all THE ARROW OF TIME in universal terms ,but in personal terms its the CATAPULT OF LIFE!....

Basically your born, they cut the cord and 'TWANG' the catapult is fired and you are slung through the years of your life at a constantly accelerating rate until you land in a whole in the ground and your dead! Ah isn't life wonderful?

OH SHIT!..IT'S FINALLY HAPPENED....I AM NOW FIFTY YEARS OF AGE !!!!....OH SHIT!........

AAAAAHHH!.....ITS FINALLY COME TO PASS , ITS HAPPENED , ITS OCCURRED ...YOUR BELOVED FINGER ON THE PULSE, EYES N' EARS OF THE WORLD...(And all the other bits attached, of course..) HAS FINALLY HIT THE BIG FIVE OOOH!..50...(sob ,sniffle ,snort)....
I went to my bed last night a young fresh faced young 49 year old and was awakened about 6.00 a.m .this morning by my excited daughter. Not, i hasten to add that she was excited for her beloved father. No! It was because we share the same birthday and shes hit the big 12.... The Lovely Lynne ,even at that ungodly hour, wished me a happy birthday. I replied , not unreasonably i thought, "Sod off ,its not my birthday ,its too early." But over the next 10 minutes or so a mug of tea was supplied, my first as a 50 year old. I opened a couple of presents and a heap of cards, which cheered me up a little. The lovely Lynne and the not so sweet 'Little 'un went off to school n' work or whatever, whilst i slobbed on the couch in a dressing gown guzzling tea watching 'Randell and Hopkirk; The saint; The Proffessionals, all good 50 fare. I might even put on some SUPERCAR,or FIREBALL XL5 dvd'ds later with a touch of MAN FROM UN.C.L.E.; With a smidgin of VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA dvd's before me mam n' the mam n' dad in law descend this afternoon.As they'll watch some of those antique afternoon things and COUNTDOWN and DEAL OR NO DEAL, not on DVD ,i hasten to add.As we wait the return of the Lovely Lynne before we go off to a local boozer for a bit of scoff. I'm not drinking, i cant take it at my age!..(But i'm still a guy who can't,but should a little more often, say no!)... I'd politly inquire as to wether they'd prefer to watch GERRY ANDERSON'S U.F.O. but i dont think they'll go for it. Ah well ,i s'pose i'll be off i've got to get me over 50 tablets and new walking stick n' stuff , oh and get a moth eaten cardigan that buttons up wrong with the few buttons left. Age is a terrible thing.

THE BIG FIVE-OOOOOO(AAaaaarrrrggghhh)OOOHHH!....OR SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST FOR 'F'- ALL!!!!

I MIGHT HAVE HAD A 'DO' FOR MY 50 TH , BUT I'M STILL ONLY 49, 'TILL THURSDAY..!

Yeah the process has started ,the fact i'm on the cusp of being half a century old. We had a party and my suffering afforded great amusement to the family,that Irish/Scouse rabble that embarress and humiliate me wherever and whenever theres a bar open. Along with them were the hooligans , scallies and deadbeats who comprise my friends. I think ,one and all had a good time. I partied like a 21 year old and awoke the following afternoon like a 60 year old. A few too many' wee-ones' thrown in with the Guinnesses' that were constantly building up in front of me on the bar. As the naive, but Lovely Lynne pointed out."You dont have to drink them all!"..But i think if people in these recession hit times, are all struggling to get by,and if they spend their hard earned money to buy me a drink, its only fair i drink it. From now on i'll be a cheap night out, as i've given up 'The drink.'And its orange juice and mineral water for this ravaged ol' fart from now on.

Thanks for the best wishes ,some of them are almost clean and i may be able to keep them, before my wife n' daughter see them. Ah well heres to the next 50 years!!!!!!

A MEEK MILD MANNERED CARTOONIST,ALIAS SOOPERDOOPER-PINNY,FASTER THAN A THROWN USED TEA BAG;ABLE TO LEAP FULL FAIRY LIQUID BOTTLES AT A SINGLE BOUND...

(SOOPERDOOPERPINNYMAN)

As many of you, no doubt remember, or not by the lack of birthday greetings that flooded the infinity of cyberspace, or the not quite so infinite infinity of the Royal Mail. But, anyhow, another year 'flopped' over. Next year would've been the big Five-Oooooooh!!!...But i've found away of avoiding this tragic occurance. No, not at some suicide clinic in Switzerland. My daughter shares the same birthday as her beloved father(my words, not hers!)....So i bask, in the cold of her shadow, lonely and neglected. So, i shall put this situation to my advantage and start going backwards, not mentally,chronologically. So, remember in 33 years ,i'll be 'sweet 16'.....

A little while back,an article on the blog examining my station in life as a house husband, introduced a highly stained pinny. This inspired the lovely Cathy Simpson.(look at her link, over the other side of the page)..This in turn caused a 'knock on response from' around'. The stains on the pinny caused the creation of a seperate sentinate lifeform,that developed and evolved then ran away to become an MP and live off fiddled expenses. Cathy reported seeing it on a boat sailing the seven seas. This was probably after running away after being exposed in the Telegraph. But we may never know the truth as it all got very silly. But the Lovely Lynne saw how i had an emotional empty hole within me,(must've seen it through a hole in my jeans)that needed filling. So, for my birthday i got a superman pinny. So now when theres dishes to be washed or a carpet to be hoovered .Meek, mild mannered cartoonist Tim Leatherbarrow becomes Sooperdooperpinnyman. The pinny doesn't cause much trouble, but the telephone box to get changed in does(ever tried getting changed in a phonebox?I have and i'm covered in bruises.). It was awkward trying to hide an old red English phonebox in the kitchen. So, that was shifted into ,the utility room. Then into the studio, i've told the Lovely Lynne its there as i'm doing a strip about some fellah thats zips through time n' space in the phone box,crazy i know, but i think it has possibilities.

But now i'm older with the smells and stains of an older man .One day a super pinny could evole from the mature organic emissions of yours truly. Faster than a discarded soggy tea bag; Able to leap a full fairy liquid bottle with a single bound; Soap bubbles bounce off my chest .A new hero is born.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, HAPPEEY BIRTHDAY TO-OO MEE-EE. HAPP-EE BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!..49 NOT(quite) OUT !!!

Well, it's my birthday you ignorant shower. Maybe i overlooked the 3foot mound of envelopes on the mat inside the front door containing the mounds of birthday cards that've no doubt poured through this morning,to bring your love and respect to me on this very special day ; Give me joy n' pleasure and give the post man a hernia. On my way to the first pot of tea of the day i wouldn't have been capable of noticing a post van parked at the bottom of the stairs. But when my eyesight'kicked in' after my 3rd mug of heavily sugared tea, my 20/20 vision could see the doormat perfectly. Totally unobscured by a mass of birthday cards...YOU MISERABLE HEARTLESS BASTARDS!!!.....I am now 49 years of age , and worse than that i am now in my 50th year.....Excuse me while i go and sever some vitally important blood vessel, will ya.

I was born when the world was black n' white; The Beatles hadn't formed, you listened to Slim Whitman and Jim Reeves and Cliff Richard and Adam Faith and enjoyed it? Doctor Who wasn't even thought of. Steam engines filled Lime street station and powered past our old house. And if you went 49 years before my birth , i'd have been alive during the First World war. Oh god this is getting worse. I am now at that age where there are plenty of old people ,but wherever you go you seem to be the oldest. Thankfully i've retained my youthful good looks whereas many of you haven't. There is, ironically a shaft of sunlight beaming through the darkness...My birthday is ST SWITHINS day and when it pisses down on this day, it pisses down for 40 days and 40 nights, so enjoy my birthday..Cos its hammering down.