THESE DAYS WE EAT OCTOPUS'S IN POSH RESTAURANTS, REMEMBER ON OLD TELLY WHEN THEY WERE HUGE IN 'VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA AND COULD WRESTLE NUCLEAR SUBMARINES TO THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN!

These days we go to a restaurant and eat bits of squid and octopus for dinner or fried tentacles. I remember when i wuz 'nobbut a lad' when i thought that all those tentacle clad wee beasties were huge monsters dwelling beneath the waves as in the 60's there was a lot of science fiction on the telly and 'everything went.

I first saw my monster tentacle comming out of a steamy bog on the PLANET SKARO in a very early episode of DOCTOR WHO with the wonderful WILLIAM HARTNELL in them far flung black and white days. Planet Skaro was the home of THE DALEKS ,as if you didn't know. The tentacle came out of the bog clutched a good guy ,a race called THE THALS who were going to rescue the Doctor and his grandaughter SUSAN. The poor Thal was dragged into the gurgling bog

VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA was another classic sci-fi show about a n incredible super nuclear submarine called SEAVIEW. The Seaview would sail under the seven seas saving the world from aliens and monsters every week. Like most 60's series , because of the success of the 'camp' attitude of 'BATMAN' all the other series veered towards the 'camp!' All kinds of ridiculous monsters, robots, killer dolls, walking ,man eating plants ,witches, wizards, etc were dragged into ruin 'VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA'; 'LOST IN SPACE'  and some ,originally very promising series. But the SEAVIEW being underwater was prone to these massive be-tentacled creatures which'd wrestle the worlds mightiest nuclear sub to the bottom of the ocean. As this was happening there was always the crew getting thrown from side to side with clouds of sparks bursting out of bleeping flashing spectacular control panels. I seem to remember the ships bosses CAPTAIN CRANE and ADMIRAL NELSON get the engineer or 'SPARKS' to  boost an electric charge through the hull which would electrocute the octopus causing it to release them then they'd finish it off with a couple of torpedoes in its tentacle junction, tat would normally do the job before the end theme and the adverts could come on to a safe world again.

Another favourite for giant octopi....Was the wonderful GERRY ANDERSON creation  about anothe super sub 'STINGRAY'. A few exotic creatures with tentacles appeared throughout the series and electricity and Stingrays 'STING MISSILES' would do a similar job to the Seaview, but there was only a two man crew CAPTAIN TROY TEMPEST and PHONES as well as the sexy mute MARINA. THUNDERBIRDS also had a fondness for tentacled themed stories for ,mainly THUNDERBIRD 4, the submarine in the THUNDERBIRD fleet of rockets and craft. I seem to even remember SUPERCAR getting clutched by giant tentacles.

In  more modern days all these wonderful monsters have been neglected. Dinosaurs are going through a boom period at the moment, but theres nothing with giant tentacles coming from beneath the waves , unless its on your plate . .

OH SHIT!..IT'S FINALLY HAPPENED....I AM NOW FIFTY YEARS OF AGE !!!!....OH SHIT!........

AAAAAHHH!.....ITS FINALLY COME TO PASS , ITS HAPPENED , ITS OCCURRED ...YOUR BELOVED FINGER ON THE PULSE, EYES N' EARS OF THE WORLD...(And all the other bits attached, of course..) HAS FINALLY HIT THE BIG FIVE OOOH!..50...(sob ,sniffle ,snort)....
I went to my bed last night a young fresh faced young 49 year old and was awakened about 6.00 a.m .this morning by my excited daughter. Not, i hasten to add that she was excited for her beloved father. No! It was because we share the same birthday and shes hit the big 12.... The Lovely Lynne ,even at that ungodly hour, wished me a happy birthday. I replied , not unreasonably i thought, "Sod off ,its not my birthday ,its too early." But over the next 10 minutes or so a mug of tea was supplied, my first as a 50 year old. I opened a couple of presents and a heap of cards, which cheered me up a little. The lovely Lynne and the not so sweet 'Little 'un went off to school n' work or whatever, whilst i slobbed on the couch in a dressing gown guzzling tea watching 'Randell and Hopkirk; The saint; The Proffessionals, all good 50 fare. I might even put on some SUPERCAR,or FIREBALL XL5 dvd'ds later with a touch of MAN FROM UN.C.L.E.; With a smidgin of VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA dvd's before me mam n' the mam n' dad in law descend this afternoon.As they'll watch some of those antique afternoon things and COUNTDOWN and DEAL OR NO DEAL, not on DVD ,i hasten to add.As we wait the return of the Lovely Lynne before we go off to a local boozer for a bit of scoff. I'm not drinking, i cant take it at my age!..(But i'm still a guy who can't,but should a little more often, say no!)... I'd politly inquire as to wether they'd prefer to watch GERRY ANDERSON'S U.F.O. but i dont think they'll go for it. Ah well ,i s'pose i'll be off i've got to get me over 50 tablets and new walking stick n' stuff , oh and get a moth eaten cardigan that buttons up wrong with the few buttons left. Age is a terrible thing.

ANIMATION SHOULD BE DRAWN OR MODELLED, YOU CAN STICK YOUR C.G.I. UP YOUR PIXAR(SE).

These two drawings are my entries for the wonderful SHREWSBURY CARTOON FESTIVAL. The GORGON drawing was inspired by that great old film ,JASON AND THE ARGONAUGHTS. And i noticed that over the festive period they're showing that other ol' classic 1000000 MILLION YEARS B.C. These are two model- based animated films by that wonderful RAY HARRYHAUSEN. All the monsters, gorgons, giants, etc, in the Argonauts epic and the dinosaurs fighting RAQUEL WELSH...As far as i know she wasn't animated by Harryhausen and is all real, but that could be a matter of opinion. Then model animation has in its corner the WALLACE AND GROMIT stuff, made from plasticene, all great stuff. Lest we forget , not so much animation ,but definitly model-based is all the GERRY ANDERSON stuff and still looking good after all these years since i started watching SUPERCAR and FIREBALL XL5, as a wee lad in me short pants (Don't wear them so much now, just for special occassions). The other day i was watching a couple of old DISNEY films on the box, THE JUNGLE BOOK, and THE ARISTOCATS. And i loved them, the characters , some were hilarious, especially two dogs in the ARISTOCATS. The other thing was that the voice and characters were studio personnel, not 'Superstars', Brad Pitts, EDDIE MURPHYS, ETC, ETC and all that stuff, just character actors voicing the cartoons, a lot funnier and a lot cheaper. Then, of course, the WARNER BROS cartoons. I still wet myself laughing at the relatively simple drawn stuff, and characterised by the voice of one man the astounding MEL BLANC. Bugs Bunny; Daffy Duck; Foghorn Leghorn; Sylvester n' Tweety, etc,etc all done by one man.

I've been to CGI and PIXAR films and although some are very clever ,there just doesnt seem to be any soul there, no spirit, i smile, but dont laugh, theres the difference for me between the old and the new. Yes, i know, as i've been constantly reminded i'm a miserable old fart.

All the CGI is making all the live action films go and look totally over the top and busting a gut to cram as much chaos and graphic activity into the screen as ic digitally possible and to my mind makes them all look very similar. The actors dont need to go to locations, etc just go into a blue or green room and pretend they're in space or somewhere weird talking to a martian or monster, or even at the head of a 10000000000 soldiers. Watch one of these films ike TROY then watch some of the epics like BEN HUR, or SPARTACUS, or WATERLOO, or the KURASAWA epics where they had millions of extras and it shows, even if some of your Roman Leigions are wearing watches, or theres a bus passing in the distance, all part of the fun. Has anybody actually seen the car in the background of the chariot race in Ben Hur?

And now its Christmas time again, the repeats are running even more regulary then normal and in between everything theres the celebrity cooking programmes. Where our culinary hero whizz through a variety of 'simple but effective' xmas recipes"that anyone can make"...Sprinkling and splashing all kinds of liquids and powders and diced stuff "Bish, bas bosh!"..There y'go ! A sooper x mas dinner or variation, thereoff . I think the only people who come out on top after christmas are these bloody celebrity chefs

EUROVISION 2009..THE U.K. WERE O.K, BUT WERE K.O'D BY A SMACK IN THE MOUTH FROM THE VIOLINIST !

Last Saturday night it was that time of the year ,again. That night of the year when i always seem to have nothing else to do and nowhere to go and do it and i have no escape or excuse to avoid the EUROVISION SONG CONTEST.....The Lovely Lynne won't allow me to put a single SUPERCAR dvd on, so i have to watch it with her. As it went on i read a book on Jack the Ripper, which has been solved by an ex-detective, apparently 'Jack' was a German sailor caught and executed for murder in the U.S. But the horrors inflicted by Jack paled when compared to some of the acts on the Eurovision, i thought. But, i always think that. Fair enough there was some good warbling and some tasty lasses doing the warbling. But whenever the fellahs came on, i felt like smacking them, esspecially that young Norwegian that won. I thought the song that was written by Ronan Keating was great, the fellah should work as a Ronan Keating impersonator. He's lucky, unlike the Elvis impersonators, they don't have the real man to coach them, whereas he's got ol' Ronan to hone the Ronan clone to perfection.

Then we had the UNITED KINGDOM(nil pwoint).....Whereas every other country fielded their biggest stars, we Brits in the true spirit of Eurovision got our amateur from a reality game show hosted by a certain A.Lloyd Webber(songs, stageshows for all the family, for any occassion). On she comes our prospective little starlet warbling on about "This is her night". Drifting across to one of the violinist hacking away at his violin with the horse hair bow who promptly belts her in the microphone, which hits her in the mouth. It was at this point i fell off the chair laughing, so i think i missed her getting a nudge from the second violinist she wandered/stumbled across to. The last violinist must've seen what had transpired and turned his waving fist,elbow and bow away from our battered and beaten but still warbling heroine bouncing pin-ball-like around the stage. I thought she sang with a bit of a lisp, but it was probably where a chipped tooth pierced her lip. I tell you its dangerous work this singing in Eurovision song contests. I included this second violin cartoon not only to show how wonderful i am, but to show that real life isn't that far from the 'silly' world of cartoons... I don't know which is sillier the cartoons or Eurovision.

I'll also bet that the politicians, gawd bless 'em breathed a sigh of relief when 'our girl ' didn't win. If she had, we would've had to stump up for the Eurovision song contest, next year. We can't afford Eurovision song contests and politicians expences, as well.

THUNDERBIRDS ARE GO'ER'S!!!!!!!!

My beloved Lovely lady Lynne filled a questionnaire on the facebook thingey on the computer for me the other day. One of the questions was about favourite telly programmes and she tapped out basically everything a certain Mr GERRY ANDERSON has put out over the years...Supercar, Fireball XL5, Stingray, Thunderbirds, Captain Scarlet, UFO. She asked me to deny my love for these fonts of nostalgia for all us middle aged oldish farts, and i couldn't. What my beloved doesn't understand is that all human life is there, with strings! In the beginning it was simple. Supercar was in a garage in the desert with Proffessor Beaker, Mike Mercury and Supercar, never any women to cloud and confuse the issues addressed in the drama of SUPERCAR.

But, this was to change when the puppet sculptors managed to work out how to do women. So, in FIREBALL XL5 ,Our dashing hero STEVE ZODIAC had a thing going with the lovely VENUS. It was all very innocent, except Venus seemed to spend a lot of time with a monkey like alien ZOONY! But, Steve spent an unhealthy amount of time with a robot who always wanted to be "Going home!"


Next came STINGRAY. Now things started to get a little spicey Gerry and Sylvia Anderson introduced a 'menage et trois' situation into the breath-taking underwater adventures. The hero of the(half) hour was the James Garner look-a-like, TROY TEMPEST, beloved by the lovely ATLANTA. She was voiced by LOIS MAXWELL the lady who became beloved of JAMES BOND, as MONEYPENNY. The problem arose when Troy and his co-pilot in the supersub, STINGRAY, PHONES, Where out fighting Aquanaut baddies who spoke like they were gargling mouthwash. They met an underwater beautiful woman called MARINA.Marina couldn't speak, god, i love her already! Poor ol' Phones never got a look in all the women seemed to have only eyes for that two-timing bastard Troy Tempest.



Then things got really complicated with THUNDERBIRDS. There was a much bigger cast in this one hour extravaganza and as a result things happened which caused eyebrows to raise even without the aid of strings. The whole of INTERNATIONAL RESCUE lived on an island in the middle of the ocean unknown to the rest of the world who depended so strongly on the hi-tech equipment built by a strange character with speech and visual impediments, called BRAINS. He had no sex life as he wa in his lab building thing and mixing chemicals. GEOFF TRACEY, was the daddy of the family and somehow with his bespectacled stuttering friend built a house on top of a series of rocket pads and silo's. I think health n' safety would have had something to say about it all, so i suppose thats one good reason for keeping it all very quiet. Geoff was very friendly with an English Lady, the lovely LADY PENELOPE.She ,with her machine gunning, rocket fireing,flying, sailing bright pink Rolls Royce, driven by her faithful sidekick PARKER, were International Rescue's British agents. Now, the fine ladyP', i could never figure out if she was up to something with Geoff, or The eldest son SCOTT. ALAN(Thunderbird3-spaceship),the youngest fancied his chances. But he was having a fling wih a girl who lived on the island ,TIN TIN.Now, was she being seen too by Alan or being 'gangbanged' by the the Tracey brothers with all this time on their hands between missions?

One of the brothers JOHN, was in a satellite listening to the radio all the time picking up people in trouble. He must've been a sad lonely fellah, what did he do to pass the time? The poor fellah didn't seem to have a chair to sit on, even. The rest back down on Earth, on the paradise that is Tracey island, sat around drinkink, painting and swimming. Normally it was THUNDERBIRDS 1+2 that went on the jobs. Scott(T1) would land and tell VIRGIL(T2) what to do. It was poor ol' Virge who got his hands dirty and his arse scorched while Scott(T1) sat drinking coffee telling him what to do, and once he's doing it, hurry it up.

T1 blasted off out of the swimming pool which could put you off your breaststroke. T3 blasted off through a gap in the cicular living room, their window cleaning bills for scraping the equivalent of 3 SATURN 5 rockets blasting off every weeks carbon deposits off the living room window must've been suitably astronomical. And just be careful if you want to climb some palm tree's when T2 is readying to launch.,