GLOBAL CATASTROPHE, WILL IT BE GLOBAL WARMING; GLOBAL TERRORISM, OR GLOBAL ELVIS IMPERSONATORS???

During mankinds tenure upon this planet he has gone through various changes, mutated, evolved if you like. Standing upright, loss of body hair (which was alright ,but could've stopped when it came as far as the head, body fur ,well thats ok, but the old bald patches up top, now that was nature and evolution at their most petty.). The apes snout becoming a nose and mouth. The bright red monkey bum breaking up into smaller piles. But this evolution hasn't stopped yet. In the next decade a vast one third of the worlds population will develop swivel hips, on the way to evolve into wobbly bellies; Strangely gangly swinging knees; Highly curlable sneering top lips; Impossibly high greasy quiffs, with long wide sideburns. Language will undergo a change also, as a strong midwestern American twang type dialect prevails and phrases such as, "Well thank yuh very much ladies n' gentl'm'n... Ooh,Hoh!" and references to how you don't look like nuthin' like a'Hound dog', wich is important in the world of Elvis, apparently.... Dress will evolve as collars will be as high as the head and a form of jump suit with rhinestones and big belt buckles and a small cape will be the wardrobe of choice.



This is the dawn of the ELVIS PRESLEY IMPERSONATOR....Apparently ,there was some news report along the lines of:"When Elvis was alive, there was only a hundred or so impersonators, but now since his death the number is into hundreds of thousands, or something. But by the end of this new decade 2020(god, only 10 years away.)....At this rate of growth...ONE THIRD OF THE WORLDS POPULATION WILL BE ELVIS IMPERSONATORS!!!!! I thought that was the best news item of the year....But i can't help wondering what percentage of the other two thirds left will be, MICHAEL JACKSON IMPERSONATORS?

YOUR BORN, YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE THEN YOU DIE AND IF YOUR LUCKY SOMEBODY MIGHT NOTICE.

If you were lucky enough to have been stranded on a frozen moon a billion light years beyond our galaxy, you will have been spared ,for a billion years or so ,just about enough time to avoid the light speed news signals beaming across the cosmos to inform you of the death of, 'the king of pop'..Michael,Whacko Jacko, Jackson himself. The stories about prescription drugs; A skeletal body covered in needle holes, like a tea-bag covered in little perforations, but not as much mass ; Stomachs bunged full of tablets; And his kids who aren't his. And they're not even their mothers???/Now thats a headscratcher for a simple country lad like meself. The Lovely Lynne told me the other day that apparently he was totally bald. Jeez! Could you imagine what he'd of looked like without that ridiculous head of hair to cover that mess of distortions that passed for an Airfix kit of an early Star Trek aliens face ,that was the' Whacko's kipper'. Jacko's face and he's bald ,god thats a sight that i'd say would ruin your day.

There's that saying about people remembering where they were when certain people 'popped their clogs'. People like J.F.K.;Elvis; John Lennon; My dad(well i do!)....Now, of course The Whackmeister, himself. And just in case the memory does let you down in years to come. We, of course have the weeks of totally insane revelations that are, and yet too come out.All that would make it almost impossible to forget one of lifes genuine nutjobs. Somebody who put such a lot of effort and mind boggling amounts of money into his insanity deserves to be rememebered. How crazy he was, who knows, crazy he may've been, but he wasn't daft.

I was talking with that hairy ace caricaturist to the stars Guy Carter. He said 'That when he went, he'd like to go quietly and with dignity!'...I disagreed totally. When i go i want the world to shudder and shake,Volcanoes to erupt ; Earthquakes, Floods n' tsunamis; People howling and wailing in the streets all over the planet; Television specials going on for weeks, no make that months; Plaques and statues put up everywhere i ever went; Billions of websites devoted to my memory.......But that probably wont happen. My beloved Lovely Lynne will miss me cos she loves me madly and i do the dishes ( with a little help from a stained pinny) and hoover up. The little'un'll be pissed off at me cos she'll have to walk the dogs.

EUROVISION 2009..THE U.K. WERE O.K, BUT WERE K.O'D BY A SMACK IN THE MOUTH FROM THE VIOLINIST !

Last Saturday night it was that time of the year ,again. That night of the year when i always seem to have nothing else to do and nowhere to go and do it and i have no escape or excuse to avoid the EUROVISION SONG CONTEST.....The Lovely Lynne won't allow me to put a single SUPERCAR dvd on, so i have to watch it with her. As it went on i read a book on Jack the Ripper, which has been solved by an ex-detective, apparently 'Jack' was a German sailor caught and executed for murder in the U.S. But the horrors inflicted by Jack paled when compared to some of the acts on the Eurovision, i thought. But, i always think that. Fair enough there was some good warbling and some tasty lasses doing the warbling. But whenever the fellahs came on, i felt like smacking them, esspecially that young Norwegian that won. I thought the song that was written by Ronan Keating was great, the fellah should work as a Ronan Keating impersonator. He's lucky, unlike the Elvis impersonators, they don't have the real man to coach them, whereas he's got ol' Ronan to hone the Ronan clone to perfection.

Then we had the UNITED KINGDOM(nil pwoint).....Whereas every other country fielded their biggest stars, we Brits in the true spirit of Eurovision got our amateur from a reality game show hosted by a certain A.Lloyd Webber(songs, stageshows for all the family, for any occassion). On she comes our prospective little starlet warbling on about "This is her night". Drifting across to one of the violinist hacking away at his violin with the horse hair bow who promptly belts her in the microphone, which hits her in the mouth. It was at this point i fell off the chair laughing, so i think i missed her getting a nudge from the second violinist she wandered/stumbled across to. The last violinist must've seen what had transpired and turned his waving fist,elbow and bow away from our battered and beaten but still warbling heroine bouncing pin-ball-like around the stage. I thought she sang with a bit of a lisp, but it was probably where a chipped tooth pierced her lip. I tell you its dangerous work this singing in Eurovision song contests. I included this second violin cartoon not only to show how wonderful i am, but to show that real life isn't that far from the 'silly' world of cartoons... I don't know which is sillier the cartoons or Eurovision.

I'll also bet that the politicians, gawd bless 'em breathed a sigh of relief when 'our girl ' didn't win. If she had, we would've had to stump up for the Eurovision song contest, next year. We can't afford Eurovision song contests and politicians expences, as well.