QUANTUM PHYSICS ,PARALLEL UNIVERSES AND BOOKING A TAXI !!!

                                                                                 

                                               

THE OTHER DAY IBOOKED A TAXI !......"My,  what a breathtakingly exciting life you do lead, Tim!" I can hear you enviously say. Well stop being sarcastic arse'oles and listen, as i introduce you to the secrets of the universe by taxi, and it's me paying!....There! I thought that'd grab your attention, you moneygrabbibng tight fisted  gobshites, ya!

Anyhow as i stood awaiting my chariots' arrival, gazing out of the window up the empty quiet close, the phone rang. I picked it up as it's on the window sill and answered as i carried on my expectant vigil. A highly educated Warrington voice inquired as to my whereabouts as : "I'm hangin' on outside of your drive, are you ready yet?....".....I told him that he wasn't on my drive . He replied ,sounding a little impatient that he was and gave me my address and how he was definitley outside my address and he was looking straight at it. As i couldn't see anything ,anybody or a car with phone numbers plastered over the side i gently informed him :"He bloody wasn't outside my house!".....A less than polite reposte was suddenly interrupted  as a cab pulled up in front of the house. I got in and the conversation wasn't mentioned. Did it happen ? Did i imagine it ? Where mysterious forces at work?

When i called a taxi a while later to take me and the Leatherbarrow offspring home he apologised for taking his time due to traffic as :"He'd explained when we spoke on the phone!" But we hadn't spoken on the phone ,but he insisted we had....I was getting a little worried. The oening theme of the TWILIGHT ZONE was going through my head. A favourite of that programme was PARALLEL UNIVERSES ....Was i getting glimpses of another TIM LEATHERBARROW'S breathtakingly exciting life in a parallel reality?

PROFFESSOR RICHARD FEYNMAN one of the greats of physics theorised about multiple if not infinite events each causing and creating its own univers ,each cause , causes an effect ant that effect creates its own reality ,so ,basically anything that can happen will happen and will form its own universe. So somewhere in this QUANTUM UNIVERSAL INFINITIES is TIM leatherbarrow having wild exciting times living like JAMES BOND , INDIANA JONES ,BUCK RODGERS, FLASH GORDON, KENNETH WILLIAMS and the list goes on . As all these other Tim Leatherbarrows go whizzing off into there self created universes

i'm stuck in this one ,not exactly whizzing along ,more clattering along pulled by a QUANTUMversion of a donkey and cart. Out there in the infinity of possible dimensions ,whatever could happen to me is happening right now ,except on this one so i'm writing this crappy blog , because i've got the time ,whereas i'm unable to on an infinite number of quantum universes and dimensions as i'm having a ball, or going to one and the taxi's waiting on the drive for me!

                                                     

YOUR BORN ,THEY CUT THE CORD AND THE CATAPULT OF LIFE SLINGS YOU THROUGH YOUR LIFE TO A HOLE AND YOU DIE!!!

                                                                                        The older you get the faster time seems to fly by .The concept of time travel and being able to travel into the future is said to be pure science fiction, but its not! Anyone who has had a 52nd birthday as i just have and those poor swine who're even older, as a bunch of my cousins are, who, much to my joy and amusement   are suffering the advent of advanced years at around the same time as my own birthday, thankfully it eases my own pain to see others suffer. These time travellers as that is what they are, know the feeling of having some event or something far ahead in the future and then  you wake up one morning and its zoomed past into the distant past and is dissapearing into your memories....Theres nothing wonderful or nice about it !  It is F**kin' terrifying. One day your a kid ,then a schoolkid and having a wild time with friends and fellow batchelors gay .(The 'G' word here is used in the free ,wild ,boozing ,womanising context ,before it was stolen). Now ,suddenly the 'WILD BUNCH' aren't quite so wild as their wives and their bad backs wont let them.
                                                                           Physicists say that the reason time goes foreward is due to THE ARROW OF TIME! There is a force called ENTROPY a posh scientific word for the increasing universal disorder. As order becomes disorder its ENTROPY increases which, apparently is the way of the universe....Everything is falling apart! Most of use can feel the effects of ENTROPY, or the feeling your life , body ,etc is falling apart...Aches pains ,etc its all THE ARROW OF TIME in universal terms ,but in personal terms its the CATAPULT OF LIFE!....

Basically your born, they cut the cord and 'TWANG' the catapult is fired and you are slung through the years of your life at a constantly accelerating rate until you land in a whole in the ground and your dead! Ah isn't life wonderful?

TIME AND SPACE, SWEATY SOCKS AND VARIOUS OTHER MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE.

Space is quite a large place, and depending which big brain your listening to at the time , it's getting bigger, but then again it might be getting smaller,or neither. As the universe carries on expanding forever; Stays as it is, or; Collapses in on itself in an eventual cosmic crunch. The one thing that will carry on regardless is time . I f you stay still in space, time will pass. If you travel through space time will pass. Every thing happens in time. From the multi billion trillionth of a milisecond to a billion million thingellion years. Since the universe exploded forth from a microscopic dot into 'The big bang' billions of years ago; The stars and planets formed ,even our good ol' Earth. Life formed in the form of slimey thingees in the primevil ooze. You can still find examples in various housing estates in various spots around our green n' pleasant land. These lovely beasties evolved and eventually gigantic dinosaurs stomped the Earth. Eventually they died off, as they starved to death. Its said because of huge meteorites hitting the Earth, but the actual reason was' cos the dinosaurs were barred from the pubs n' chippies because they were too big and filling the rooms, so the breweries weren't making the profits needed. The chippies had to cope with, not so much variety as there was no indian or chinese. Chips hadn't been invented even, it was just a vegetable diet, or a carnivorous diet. And when the Tyrannosauruses and such were out for a night, god, there was murder. But life got smaller ,so pubs n chippies had a chance to evolve, all this happened as time passed inexorably on. Mountains grew and shrunk, continents slid around the planet; Oceans formed then dryed up.England even won the world cup, for 'gawds sake'. All this through time. And still life the universe and stuff evolves and falls apart through time.

Time is incredible. In time 'Anything' can happen. An example , When i was younger, we had the clothes basket in the bathroom and the putrid stomach turning dirty socks and underwear that had been worn 3 weeks too long were gingerly placed in the basket like nuclear workers handling rods of uranium, with great care. A few days later, ussually a Friday or Saturday night it was time to hit the 'Big city'. But you'd be short of a pair of socks, or a pair of 'Bills'( Bill Grundies...'undies....underpants!). So, you'd go to the laundry basket and have a 'root' around and find a pair of socks or bills, have a sniff, think "Hmmm, thats not too bad", so they were used for another day or two. So, time can form a universe, but it can also cause my socks and 'bills' to smell, if not fresh, not quite as bad. And this didn't take a millenia, just a couple of days. I know which i find more impressive.