SACK ALL THE EXPERTS, WHAT DO THEY KNOW,ANYWAY?

Everybodies a smartarse!...Everybody thinks they know more than you do. In my case its not true as i know more about everything than most of those clever clogs. A sure sign of having great knowledge of life the universe, everything and what colour bin has to be left out on Friday, is being able to argue with your mates,all shouting in disharmony, in increasingly loud voices after a growing number of pints at any bar on a Friday or Saturday night. When you have profound and deeply held beliefs and knowledge on basically 'EVERYTHING!'...But life and knowledge are ever changing things, so the following day, you look back at the earnest loud, boisterous debate ,you and the other 15 (all with differing opinions on well, .'EVERYTHING!') intellectuals had and think.."Oh christ! Did i say that?"Theres no time you will have thought,"Oh christ! did (somebody else) really say that?"No, you have humiliated yourself in your quest to spread knowledge and enlightenment to the masses.

But i do have an excuse,basically i was 'pissed as a fart!'.....But there are a group of people who argue and debate for a living, even being(relatively)sober. These smart'ares are the politicians. They may wear nice suits and have posh titles and fiddle expenses, but their 'debates' aren't much more dignified behaviour -wise than 'down the boozer'. But they have a secret weapon. The politicians from all opposite sides have 'experts and advisors to utilise their expertise in their chosen feild to advise the politicians. Who, lets face it need it. As i've mentioned the average shit'eads who run our country dont need qualifications and haven't done a days work in their fairly short, ( and getting shorter by the look of the bright young things speaking on various policies, etc, etc.) lives. The politicians get shunted around from time to time. So one day they may be in charge of the Dept of soft toilet paper and pencil sharpeners. Then the next they're running the NHS. They work with people who've studied and devoted their lives to the world of soft toilet paper and pencil sharpeners. Then people who've devoted their lives to the science and health of the nation. But the 'new boy(ok, or girl)' is instantly the boss, and they're in charge of a little thing like the health of the nation, just like that!

The problem with experts and scientists i that they deal in facts,experimental data, opinions of teams of highly qualified intellects who know what they're talking about, basically the stuff that is squeezed out all pristine and smart from the intellectual mangle is something very alien to politicians .The truth!
The truth is a nasty thing in its purest form, no good, whatsoever in politics. This truth must be treated and diluted until it becomes totally malleable and be able to be twisted and distorted to fit into a vessel called a policy. The data involved may fill libraries and be megabytes of computer space, but it must fit onto a few glosy A4 sheets of paper alongside party logos and smiling party leaders pictures. If an expert voices an opinion .It is the policy that is sacrosanct, not the evidence or truth. So, experts and advisors ,speak when spoken to, then return to your dusty university studies until you are summoned to advise, or your sacked!
There is a way around this system. As the prime minister found, recently. An officer in Afghanistan said ,much against Goverment announcements, that troops were dying due to lack of helicopters. Well, this would've gotten him a court marshall from Gordon Brown right away. But the officer in question was killed. So Gordon can't do anything about a dead hero's advice....Wether he'll do anything, ah now?.....
Just one thing (amongt many)thing puzzles me .Every party has opposing policies on ..well,'EVERYTHING!'..And they've all got experts and advisors. So is the expert advice totally different for every expert, or is the same advice just twisted and distorted to make a smart looking policy

( An irrate Gordon Brown appeared courtesy of the front cover of HA Magazine, aaah fame ,at last!!!!)

AN EXPERT IS SOMEBODY VERY CLEVER WHO WARNS AND ADVISES US ABOUT THINGS THAT WE'VE KNOWN ABOUT FOR AGES !

Everything is run by bosses and experts ,the experts tell the bosses whats happenin' on the streets and markets in their considered opinion. Bosses need to know these things as being big bosses , unlike the rest of us who work 8 hours a day with an hour for lunch, they have an hour for work and the rest for lunches and dinners. They just aren't able to involve themselves with the 'nuts and bolts 'and people involved in the business that pays their incredible incomes and mind boggling bonuses. Ironically the less you do the more you can 'rake in.'


When an aircraft is about to crash ,you don't need to be an expert in aerodynamics or aviation to understand what is going on. Everything that isn't strapped down slides down to the front of the airplane ;The ground seems to be getting nearer, as can be divined by the houses and cars getting bigger by the second; The attendants want you to ram your head between your legs???...I'm sure it's not ,as has been hinted at , to kiss your arse goodbye.But it would be a more enjoyable last few minutes if you could stick your head between somebody elses legs and kiss their arse goodbye, but i'll move on thats for another blog and 'The Lovely Lynne may read this.. In the cockpit ( this is nothing to do with heads between legs , this is where the pilot sits you twisted swines..). The pilot will realise that the day isn't going to be one of his better ones as the screaming of the jets; The spinning dials and altimeters spinning in all directions rather than hovering over where they should be. This all points to passengers and crew that the plane is in deep shit. Whereas the head of the airline authority on his extended lunch will have no knowledge of whats happening and would probably deny it was and insist that flying was still safer than crossing the road.


When fighting on the front line in a war the soldiers know when things aren't going their way. Bullets whistling past their heads ;Artillery shells exploding ;Arms ,legs, heads, guts flying everywhere. The mate you where shouting to suddenly his face and head dissapears and his helmet falls to the empty space between his collar bones. All these subtle signs would be a dead giveaway to the 'Tommies in the trenches'that they were in deep shit. But again way, way, back in a beautifully maintained country house the bosses or the 'brass' were pouring over maps and pouring the port from the well stocked cellar. oblivious to the slaughter, messages arrive from the front eventually, but the 'brass' would never go to the business end of their schemes and plans. Miss dinner and muddy their riding boots.



Like the beaten armies and crashing aircraft , all those in businesses and banks across the land knew that a hugh glob of S*H*1*T* was about to hit the fan. All except our glorious leaders the bosses holding out for the bonusses or is that bonii ? Ignore anything long enough and it will go away, so when a chap called a whistleblower ,whistles an unhappy tune of troubles ahead if we carry on down this bumpy track,which interupts the blissful ignorance of the blissfully ignorant, they must be sacked and got rid of. ...So the army gets battered and slaughterd ;The aircraft falls from the sky, Destruction ,mayhem and confussion reign......So, our heroes apologise, almost jokingly ,pick up their payoff and claim their bonus and live happily ever after ......I apologise , i take my hat off to these experts they are brilliant ,how do they get away with it?