THE THREE MOST HORRIBLE WORDS FOR ANY CARICATURIST !!

Being a fine upstanding pillock of the community, i find myself being at the behest of the said community , esspecially since the little 'un's old school, with the help of the 'Little 'un' and the Lovely Lynne found out what a wonderfully gifted and talented cartoonist and caricaturist i am. This combined with, apparently me being a wonderful human being who would do anything for anyone???????????..........Well, this got me volunteered by my beloved family to draw hundreds and hundreds of kids at various summer fairs and so such 'do's'. This spread to the scouts functions and general charity functions. Jeez! its hard work being wonderful.

It always started with a telephone call to the lovely Lynne and i would hear the words WORK, CHARITY and FREE...It didn't matter where i was in the house ,or even if i was a mile away walking the dog, i would still hear THOSE words!!!. It meant i was being volunteered again!

The ironical thing is that everybody goes to the lovely Lynne to see if i'll 'do it!'.... Even if i answer the phone they'll ask to speak to the Lovely Lynne. She'll volunteer me ("Of course he'll do it, we're doing nothing that day" ).... After the day is over and the school or scout newsletter, or whatever comes out, there'll be a nice "Thank you"......For the Lovely Lynne for her help.

The other week , the lovely Lynne's sister , the exotic Elaine called and those words that chill any caricaturist to the bone...WORK...CHARITY...FREE...(My ink tinted blood is curdling even as my trembling hands type at this)..... came out as the Lovely Lynne spoke on the phone, i couldn't finish my X-MEN comic ,even. So, a week or so later i was away in the Cheshire countryside freezing me cobblers off drawing at a special needs school......Aaaah maybe i am wonderful..... The words will always have the same affect on me ,but i'll keep on letting the Lovely Lynne volunteer me. I'm still not talking to the exotic Elaine tho', much to her amusement.

FREE SPEECH CAN COST YOU AND YOU CAN BE CHARGED FOR SPEAKING FREELY !!

There are billions of people on this planet of ours and we are told that everyone is different. There are different ;Races, creeds, colours of skin, shapes of faces;preferences of footy teams ;Eastenders, Emmerdale or Corrie; Political leanings, etc, etc .So it is almost impossible to say something about anybody without offending somebody somewhere somehow or way. This has rendered the noble concept of Free speech, totally unworkable. In many places people who speak out are quite simply shot. In our enlightened side of the world people write to the BBC, to complain or specialist goverment departments who are highly trained to spot the various 'ist',or 'ism' remarks and constantly invent new ones; Racism, sexism were once the old favourites, once there was only a few ,but with advances in abusive technology we have ,ageism ,sizeism,spotism ,stupidism,stinkism,and on it goes. Once it was;"Sticks and stones may break my bones(which seems reasonable enough)..But names will never hurt me..(But they'll crucify you!)"..Theres no escape, they'll have you wherever n' whenever you open your mouth. And because we are so decent and understanding and liberal in our noble beliefs,or is it so quick and eager to take offence, quite often it isn't the people being referred to that are offended .They may take a comment in the possible well meant spirit in which its delivered, but its other people who take offense on their behalf...



The wonderful Jezza Clarkson was caught over the other side of the world in the wilds of Australia during a Top Gear stage show..(I wonder how 'The Stig' roadtests the latest Ferrarri on a stage in a theatre/)...Jezza, the pot-bellied ,frizzy- haired idiot ,i'm sure wouldn't accuse me of being; Pot-belly'ist ; Frizzy-hairist, or idiot ist, as he is

(1) Pot bellied......................................... CHECK !



(2) Frizzy- haired (albeit a little less frizzier, but greyer, these days)..........CHECK !



(3) Idiotic (In a funny way, of course)..............................CHECK !



So that seems reasonable description of our favourite motoring celebrity. But when he tried to give an inciteful geneological,physical and psychological profile of our beloved prime minister to these ignorant Aussies who know as much about Gordon Brown as we do about their glorious leader. He described as :A one-eyed, Scottish idiot.He was in trouble. The reasons for this description:



(1) One-eyed..................................... CHECK !

(2) Scottish......................................Ohh, och aye CHECK the noo!

(3) A total f**'in' idiot......................CHECK n' double CHECK !



But from the far side of the world Jezza was adjudged to have been found guilty of being;



(1) Mono-visualist'ist...............................GUILTY !

(2) Racist...................................................GUILTY !(Sasenach swine !)

(3) Idiotistical'ist.....................................GILTEE !!



It sounds like a perfect description of the P.M. to me ,but i can say what i like as talk is cheap as long as its not free.