ITS A WONDERFUL LIFE ...TWO OF THE DEADEST TOWNS IN THE WORLD AND I LIVE IN ONE AND GO TO THE OTHER ON MY HOLIDAYS!

I dug out this old cartoon as its another example of how in our hi tech world its not just animals becomming extinct. There was a time before computers ,now laptops, took over the world. When one of the cartoonists favourite cartoon situations ,almost as popular as the desert island, was the office IN TRAY , OUT TRAY and occassionally thePENDING TRAY. But ,sadly no more ,unless you can have an IN LAPTOP ,and an OUT LAPTOP,and ,of course a PENDING LAPTOP. In fact , dont be too suprised if said gag does make a showing in a fairly near future blog. Sorry about the use of the word GAG! For some reason that word has always got on my nerves, esspecially when in the context of cartoons .Maybe it reminds me of some old pain in the arse loudmouth American comedian from days of yore ,and ,of course us cartoonists are much better and classier than that .

Aside from the in and out trays the 'gag' is ,of course about Welsh place names and that famous one..LLANFAIRPWLLGWYNGYLLGOGERYCHWYRNDROBWLLLLANTYSILIOGOGOGOCH....Now Now thats a name ,i actually used to be able to say that ,one of the few things that me ol' dad ever taught me. But everywhere in Wales is totally unpronouncable ,esspecially to us English ,but that is a deliberate decision on behalf of the Welsh long ago. I used to drive to a lot of caricaturing jobs around Wales and i kept coming across signposts for what i thought was a town ,which threw my navigating skills ,limited as they were to begin with ,slightly 'skew wiff', until i realised much later the placename, or so i thought it to be was actually Welsh for SERVICES!

Theres a coastal town called ,or sounds like TOWYN, but its spelt nothing like it sounds ,and we sit in a caravan in between rain storms and read lots of books there. Actually its not a bad old place ,absolutly nothing happens there and basically we just 'slob out'.Occassionally we all go on a jolly jaunt to the market ,a car boot sale ,or the local SPAR. Then we return to the English 'Deadend' equivalent of WARRINGTON. Where excitment is a trip to ASDA,or even B&Q, Or cutting the grass,oh let joy be unrestrained.

I still like that old joke about the Welsh version of COUNTDOWN consisting of nothing but CONSENANTS,not a single VOWEL would be allowed. I dont know about numbers ,do the Welsh have numbers?. When my Father in Law reads this he's gonna rip my bloody Scrawny English neck off ,look you ,isn't it ,bach!

WALKING THROUGH THE SNOW, STRIDING THROUGH THE WOODS LIKE JEREMIAH JOHNSON,WALKING ON THE PAVEMENT LIKE JOHN INMAN....

Wahey,its snowing!...It never snows up here in the North West , something to do with the sea air(?) ,probably more due to the fact that up here we manufacture and produce smoke and pollution something we lead the world in, Britain should be proud of the area around the Mersey, Widnes, Runcorn, Warrington. But for some reason we've got snow, maybe the smoke makers have been made redundant like everybody else, or output has been reduced to make Gordon Brown look good during that debacle on climate change. But the skies are a mucky grey and the ground is crunchy and white and theres more snow on the way. The good ol' uk has ground to a halt ,i couldn't give a shit and my daughter is crying with joy, cos its snowing.
I took the dog out, put my cissy warm furry gloves on and my treaded caterpillar boots and crunched out into the blizzard. When we reached the local woods i was striding through the drifts like ROBERT REDFORD in the wilds of the North West frontier in JEREMIAH JOHNSON. But that wild pioneering spirit came to a sudden end once i returned to the icey roads and pavements. Then i was walking more like JOHN INMAN, as my legs were squeezed tightly together and my step didnt exceed more than 6 inches, or so. The dog was all over the place sniffing, snow covered clumps of grass (n' stuff?), and like an old string spinning top, the ones were you wrapped the string around and pulled ,thus causing the top to spin. The bloody dog understood the concept, ran around me with his lead then bolted to a bush to have a sniff, leaving me in a ice dancing -type spin, leading into a technically difficult arse over tit manoeuvre resulting in me lying spread eagled on the ground, cursing all that is canine. As i walked and my feet were slipping , i thought ,"I know i'll have a slide, like when i was a kid."So, i had a short run up, stopped dead and fell flat on my face!....On the main road in my John Inman guise, and getting worse as the muscles on the insides of my legs were pulling and as tight as guitar strings. There wasn't a soul about, not even on the road, until i got to the post office and there was a queue of about 70 people.Eventually went out again,and not a living soul to be seen.

A bin wagon came flying around the corner and went into a slight skid, i just happened to be in the line of skid and i nearly fell asleep as my life was flashing before my eyes. I was kept awake fighting to get my gloves off so i could get a pen out of my pocket to will all my lack of belongings and debts to the Lovely Lynne. But fate and good fortune(well i thought it was good) took a hand and the trucks skid was arrested and he chugged off. Almost killed by a bin wagon, hmmmm!....Yes i know!
The dog didnt seem to slip or slide, so i put it down to its doggy pads on its paws. I know,thinks i," i'll do it the natural way and go barefoot", the clumps of dead skin on my feet will be like the dogs paw pads. So i tried it. The ambulance brought me home after being found 30 yards from home unconcious suffering from extreme exposure; extreme hyperthermia;pneumonia,with a dash of pleurisy. Its been 2 days and i can't feel below my knees, an area of a faint bluish colour. The doctor said if it goes green ,get the kitchen knife out and give him a call anytime after boxing day.