JORDAN BOOBED AND GOT HER TWO BIGGEST BOOBS MIXED UP!

The other week i was walking the dog through some local woods and espied not one, but two Asda trolleys stood side by side amongst the undergrowth and thought isnt nature wonderful now spring is sprung, shook my head and wandered off. When i got in to the house ,i put the kettle on and the telly, just to help me plug into whats going on in the world, you understand....Not to catch up on my Sky+ recordings, obviously ,'cos thats what you were thinking wasn't it. Hope your ashamed of yourself, judging people by your own low standards. But as soon as the picture appeared there was something about JORDAN/KATIE PRICE, now theres a suprise thought i. Apparently she was talking husbands and out of the two boobs she's been married to ,she got the names mixed up and was talking about her 'ex'PETER ANDRE, rather than the present cage fighting /Holloaks(?) acting new Mr Jordan: ALEX REID. So, obviously this was the big news beamed to all four corners of the globe. Again i found myself shaking my head...I'll get the hang of life ,one day, i s'pose.
I had a look up (phnaar, phnaar) of Katie Price on the computer and read about this silly cow who is, well everywhere and with everyone and every ,every that the ultimate' chav',can get involved in and squeeze as much publicity out of Thats not my description, by the way ,before cage fighters start kicking the door in. She was born in '78 ,so she's about 30 and she's had 3 autobiographies published. Jeez! i'm (aaaaagh!) 50, this year and i'm not sure i could fill one. Her private(?) life has been documented and filmed before, during and after her marriages .She'll appear at the flipping of a coin. Now shes writing, with ghost writers ,novels and childrens books. But ,apparently she has been refused addmission to some high class events ,such as CARTIER- sponsored Royal polo tournament, as "she's not the type of person we'd like attending our functions". The Queen goes n' she gets in(?).....Funny that!.. Couts bank refused her, even though she had the money reqired for them to let you in. Whatever she is ,or does ,she has about FORTY MILLION POUNDS !!!!....for doing it. Good luck to you, girl ....I'm shaking my head again.
She travels the world to get her nails done and hair extensions put in. I saw a picture the other day and she is a big busty girl . And this is after shes had her boob job reversed and made smaller as she was worried they'd start to droop after the birth of her kids.....My god!, if they did start to droop ,she'd need to wheel them around in an Asda shopping trolley, or two, one for each. Those two in the woods ?..Nah they couldnt be, I've not seen her mentioned in the WARRINGTON GUARDIAN......The heads shaking again!

POOR AUSTRALIA, FIRST WE DUMPED OUR CONVICTS ON THEM AND NOW ITS WORSE THEY'VE GOT OUR CELEBRITIES!

TThe winter officially started with the X-Factor and Strictly Come Dancing assaulting our tellie over every dark cold rainy windswept weekend night, but now its the official run-in to christmas as the new series of 'I'm a Celebrity , get me out of here'. Or more like "If your a celebrity , get outta here!" As a heap of nobodies and deadbeats from other reality shows;cooking and house decorating shows; A couple of once upon a time sports stars, etc, etc.Theres a couple that my long time since it had a finger on it pulse(!!!) recognised: Sam Fox, The fave page 3 years ago, i think she was ousted by Linda Lusardi, who's now an ex soap star, as Sam's an ex pop star, has anyone got, or even seen the albums?...Ah the glamour!

Hollywood legendary walking suntan ,George Hamilton with his luminous teeth. He'll be a nuisance at night as all the bugs and creepy crawlies will cross the jungle along with bigger beasties with bigger teeth, all attracted by the light of Georges teeth. But he'll be fine in one of the tasks in a pitch black cave full of rats, etc. All he has to do is smile and the cave will be lit up, bright as day.

My favourite was the news that Katie Price,a.k.a.Jordan wasgoing to return to the jungle. Last time she met her ex-husband,wonder what the jungles got in store for our super 'celeb' this time.The news footage said how she was on five times the money everyone else was on, can't you feel the love she's after already. But as she was filmed always with her blueberry/blackberry, whatever firmly clamped to her lug'ole,as a true'celeb' should. On the way to 'oz, she stopped at L.A. to get her nails done and her hair extensions, extended. Its an old S.A.S. jungle survival technique. I'm just suprised the airlines let her above 10,000 feet in case her boobies( they're not real, y' know) exploded, if one of them went off, never mind two, they'd blow a 747 out of the sky.

Jimmy White was never a sex symbol of the snooker world, but age hasn't been too kind to him.You could say he's gone to pot! And as i type away ,Joe Bugner has come on. Telling the rest about all the Australian beasties as he's lived in 'oz' for years and as EVERYTHING in Australia is specifically designed to kill you, he unintentionally scared the shit out of them.

The only bit i like is Ant n' Dec, it is very annoying as much as i try i can't hate them. In fact i watched their film ALIEN AUTOPSY, which, actually was quite good.