I'M NOT SURE IF I SHOULD THUMP OR KISS MY DAUGHTER!

(To read just click on the text....Yes i know you know, but there are people who don't, like me!) I'm still not sure, but i must admit it had me laughing, so i went for a kiss, but gave her a boot as she left the room, i don't want her to think i'm going soft. All her own work....Elara Leatherbarrow, your a smartarse!!!....I think i'll give her another kick.

STAINS;WHY DO WOMEN WANT TO ERADICATE THEM AND MEN WISH TO CULTIVATE THEM......

(Control yourself, Cathy!) One of my inciteful ,finger on the pulse blurbings, rantings and general blatherings, recently finished with my mentioning that i had to go and put my rubber gloves, flowery pinny and various househusbanding acrutiaments(jeez! i'll have to bring the dictionary in here, one day!)....And do my cleaning before the return of the Lovely Lynne from her day at doing what banking people do to help the down-trodden masses. This image of me in a flowery pinny and a pair of marigolds excited a lovely young lady,CATHY SIMPSON, of whom i have mentioned. and who's details are on my link thingey on this here very blog wot you are trolling through (but off to the right hand side of the page.). Over the last week i have filled her waking hours and maybe even her sleeping hours(it could happen) with these images and thoughts. Then a major step in our pinny based communications took place when my collection of pinny stains entered the dialogue. This is where the male ,female differences came to the fore. She made typical girly suggestions about getting the pinny washed. To which, aghast and appalled i replied that stains aren't just dirty marks....Stains are moments in time, every stain has a history. Like any geologist will tell you rock strata are from definite time periods in the history of our planet and the knowledge of the world is within these strata. Likewise the layers of my various stains tell of my time as a cartooning blog-blathering houseslave. The organic mix on the pinny's material has given the spark of life to a whole new ecosystem, judging by the scratching i do when i'm wearing it. I am the creator, am i a god?.... Or is the universe just a stain on a flowery pinny, part of another universe ,a stain on another flowery pinny? Going on and on forever, an infinity of flowery pinny's?????....(There!Who said i can't think deep thoughts!)

Cathy suggested that the Proffessional Cartoonist Organisation would cough up for a new pinny and the existing one could be displayed for the benefit of the world. I'm not sure my ethics, morals and beliefs would allow me to do this, but if there's money involved???



The only other problem is that the pinny is in a specially constructed biologically sterile bunker 500 ft below ground. Anybody who's ever seen the ANDROMEDA STRAIN will understand. Then Cathy started on about me not wearing trousers, typical woman! Here i am creating life and all she wants to talk about is sex!

EUROVISION 2009..THE U.K. WERE O.K, BUT WERE K.O'D BY A SMACK IN THE MOUTH FROM THE VIOLINIST !

Last Saturday night it was that time of the year ,again. That night of the year when i always seem to have nothing else to do and nowhere to go and do it and i have no escape or excuse to avoid the EUROVISION SONG CONTEST.....The Lovely Lynne won't allow me to put a single SUPERCAR dvd on, so i have to watch it with her. As it went on i read a book on Jack the Ripper, which has been solved by an ex-detective, apparently 'Jack' was a German sailor caught and executed for murder in the U.S. But the horrors inflicted by Jack paled when compared to some of the acts on the Eurovision, i thought. But, i always think that. Fair enough there was some good warbling and some tasty lasses doing the warbling. But whenever the fellahs came on, i felt like smacking them, esspecially that young Norwegian that won. I thought the song that was written by Ronan Keating was great, the fellah should work as a Ronan Keating impersonator. He's lucky, unlike the Elvis impersonators, they don't have the real man to coach them, whereas he's got ol' Ronan to hone the Ronan clone to perfection.

Then we had the UNITED KINGDOM(nil pwoint).....Whereas every other country fielded their biggest stars, we Brits in the true spirit of Eurovision got our amateur from a reality game show hosted by a certain A.Lloyd Webber(songs, stageshows for all the family, for any occassion). On she comes our prospective little starlet warbling on about "This is her night". Drifting across to one of the violinist hacking away at his violin with the horse hair bow who promptly belts her in the microphone, which hits her in the mouth. It was at this point i fell off the chair laughing, so i think i missed her getting a nudge from the second violinist she wandered/stumbled across to. The last violinist must've seen what had transpired and turned his waving fist,elbow and bow away from our battered and beaten but still warbling heroine bouncing pin-ball-like around the stage. I thought she sang with a bit of a lisp, but it was probably where a chipped tooth pierced her lip. I tell you its dangerous work this singing in Eurovision song contests. I included this second violin cartoon not only to show how wonderful i am, but to show that real life isn't that far from the 'silly' world of cartoons... I don't know which is sillier the cartoons or Eurovision.

I'll also bet that the politicians, gawd bless 'em breathed a sigh of relief when 'our girl ' didn't win. If she had, we would've had to stump up for the Eurovision song contest, next year. We can't afford Eurovision song contests and politicians expences, as well.

BLOODY HELL, BLOOMING EXSPENSES,FLIPPING HOUSES AND F***ING POLITICIANS !!!!

Just a little one today!!!!.....As i was eating my perfectly boiled egg(4 minutes in boiling water)... And my toasted crusty bread, i was choking laughing at the latest revelations in the MPs' exspences debacle. After a week or two of enjoying themselves at Labours 'Browns boobs' variety of disasters, fiddles n' fiascoes. It was now the turn of Camerons 'crowers' to feel the might of the whistleblower and the Daily Telegraph(good name for a pub, that!)... So everything from dog-food to shandaliers to moats, and helicopter pads were thrown in the mix.. I was choking on my breakfast, literally 'pissing myself laughing..Oh god this is wonderful stuff! The politicians are all showing their true colours and they're not just blue n' red and whatever colour the LibDems are. These pathetic swindling bastards who are sorry because they've been caught and exposed are out on their doorsteps waving cheques that they are going to pay back what they've claimed with...Now this is what politics and politicians are all about, great stuff!

MP'S ARE DIRTY,BUT THE PRIME MINISTER ISN'T, HIM N' HIS BROTHER'VE GOT A CLEANER. I KNOW 'COS I'M PAYING FOR HER!

Today another batch of fiddling by MP's on their expenses hits the news headlines. Everybody is running two cars, two houses; getting houses built; porno dvd collections for their husband ;private planes ,etc,etc,.But now the big boys are involved Jack Straw for claimed his full payment of council tax, even though for some reason he's only paying half. Now old Gordo' Brown our beloved prime minister's joining in the fun. Something about paying for a cleaner for him and his brother. Apparently they are all very concerned how it all looks to the voters. There you see, not right or wrong, just votes, just looking good for the voters, nothing else matters. The Mp's are all excused and described as being"POSSIBLY NAIVE ?", which is all very sweet. But for the rest of us, who, of course aren't naive. We'd be criminals "screwing the system".... How things change, only a week or so there's our Gordo' walking the corridors of power chatting to kings n' presidents, now he's embroiled in CLEANERGATE, seeing if he can pay his own Downing street, security cleared Norah Batty from our money , or stick his hands in his pocket and pay her himself with his own money, which funnily enough we gave him.

Right! After putting the world to rights i've got to run the hoover around the house, wash the dishes and tidy up, once i've found my flowery pinny and, of course my rubber gloves (they're for later???)

THIS PANDEMIC COULD BE THE REBIRTH OF MORRIS DANCING WITH CLEAN HANKIES!

"The new lad, he's not from round here is he?" As PAUL SIMON once said, "For Cathy wherever i may find her.", or something like that. This cartoon is dedicated to the loveley CATHY SIMPSON. A freelance illustrator to be found on her well worth a visit website at:

http://www.cathysimpsonillustration.com/ Cathy left a comment on my previous rambling about dancing men in Manchester waving hankies. It struck me that as everybody on the planet is going to die from a mexican swine flu pandemic within days or weeks, or definitly before the next footy season. We need something to take our mind off our ills n' troubles. SONG, DANCE and CLEAN HANKIES , along with grown men drinking a lot and hitting each other with sticks( and thats not just the dancers).The MORRIS DANCER would seem to fit the prescription bill for your flu antibiotics admirably. The pandemic could bring about the rebirth of the MORRIS DANCER. There y'go, as they say when times look bad,' every cloud has .......Another cloud trailing along behind it'

PIGS MIGHT FLY, BUT THE SWINE FLU !

Catch it !

Bin it !

Kill it !

.......There you go .The swine flu pandemic ,sorted. The Flu-fighters spent millions on getting the brains behind ;'Go to work on an egg"; "Snap, crackle n' pop"!; "Put a tiger in your tank"; "The Milky Bar kid", etc, etc....To get to work on fighting the flu-pandemic. Not with drugs ,or medical facilities n' stuff, no something a lot more powerful and effective a 'SNAPPY SLOGAN' ...I sneezed last night, the Lovely Lynne asked me if i had swine flu, but it wasn't flu, but i am a swine. And i didn't sneeze with a spanish/mexican accent ("El -koff-o !....El- sneeze-o !"), so the pandemic hasn't hit our house yet. Mind you, it is funny that for years mexican food has been killing peoples guts, now a few runs from the upper levels of the body, the nose as opposed to the 'other end' and the world flies into a panic.

The Lovely Lynne had to go to a meeting about the pandemic, i suggested, "just for research purposes", you understand, she wears a sombrero, a poncho , swigging a bottle of Tequila . Then in the middle of Manchester sneezes. Just to see the reaction.