Tuesday, 29 November 2011


Just to make the point that clever brainy people who devote their life to science can still change the world and make a 'few bob'. The 'origin of the species' said a lot about simian and human evolution which is covered in all the'PLANET OF THE APES' films.....But they dont have many birds, lizards, beetles, etc, but nobodies particually interested in'PLANET OF THE BEETLES', or 'PLANET OF THE FLIGHTLESS BIRDS', etc.....So if CHARLES DARWIN had given it a little thought he'd've got his message across and made a fortune......But they would've had to have invented films, but CHARLIE DARWIN was a clever bloke i'm sure he'd have been able to get round that minor obstacle.


There was a time when people with a keen eye and a sharp mind used to see things and observe what was going on about them and this would spark thoughts and ideas which would drive them to discover why 'said' things happened and the forces involved. ISSAC NEWTON, supposedly sat in a garden watching an apple fall from a tree, some say actually onto his head. I would imagine the former being more likely to get a mind formulating the orbits, speed n' momentum of planets and moons within the SOLAR SYSTEM and unlocking the secrets of the force of GRAVITY, whereas the latter option would cause a mild concussive bump on the head followed by a torrent of bad language ,as ,apparently Newton was a bad tempered old fart.

ALBERT EINSTEIN imagined what it would be like to actually ride on a beam of light. This visualisation led to theories os special relativety and E=MC2, etc. In both cases these very special chaps changed the universe for all mankind ,having more effect on our knowledge of life, the universe n' everything than CAPTAIN KIRK, JEAN-LUC PICARD together....Maybe DOUGLAS ADAMS can claim to have made more sense of the universe.

My point ,yes believe it or not, there is one of sorts. Nowadays physicists are on telly in their own shows and guests on comedy chat shows of which there are a few. DR BRIAN COX, has a couple of series of him looking spiritual ,wind swept n' interesting on tops of mountains and glaciers, etc. But the main change is that the keen eyes and sharp minds that observe cause and effect of events around them now use that curiosity to formulate a stand-up routine for their LIVE AT THE APOLLO, or whatever ......Stand up comedy is the new science and discovery. Newtons apple would've gone into a sketch of how they land on your head and never in dog shit which you sit in when you sit under the apple tree, etc, etc. Or if you could ride a light beam, how could you get from home to the local ASDA carpark to get the shopping in, with our human reflexes we would have to put the brakes on instananeously ,but even then we would've circumnavigated the globe 846 times before we could stop at the store, then, of course at a 186,000 miles per second would it be better to use diesel or petrol and how long would it take to fill the tanks the size of Jupiter. Its sad, but the geniuses are being being taken over by smart arsed funny folk, not advancing humanity's knowledge of the universe ,but to get on a comedy panel show on SKY T.V.'s DAVE CHANNEL.

Friday, 25 November 2011


As i'm sure many of you remember being dedicated followers of this font of wisdom that is this Blog, that i had a great deal of difficulty trying at one point getting a likeness of MR BOND!...JAMES BOND, himself ,or CRAIG ...DANIEL CRAIG as he is known in darling 'thesp' circles. I had another go at getting his craggy good looks from my brush to the inkpot to the paper. I think i got a 'likeness', but being the perfectionist you all know me to be it could've been better. I found an old attempt at 'THE COOLER KING' himself a certain mr STEVE McQUEEN, who looks a little like our DANNY. In my defence a few people mentioned how the two do have a similar facial structure, so i will claim that my keen caricaturist eye spotted that . So there they are ,if not brothers ,possibly cousins in caricature.

I've noticed that with the internet it was easy to get pictures of people on the computer and try and use the photographic reference as a template for your caricature. But now i've noticed , in many cases equally, if not bigger files exist of caricature images of the same people. I would say many people are using other peoples caricatures as the reference for their own work. Hopefully this wont cause a 'flattening out ' of styles as people just copy other existing styles and effects. The funny thing is ,if you look at DANIEL CRAIG caricature images ,theres not many that are any good. That made me feel a little better after my struggles.


After a supposed racial comment uttered by one of those fine body of national heroes which constitute our footballers, the mucky stuff has hit the fan. The recipient of this abuse didnt seem to mind too much and was content to let it go, but apparently a lip reading member of the public wasnt and reported it. The police were pulled in and weeks later i think its still bubbling on. After a whole ruck of abusive remarks were reported , some people defending the abuser and the abused. Blaming 'the heat of the moment',etc,etc. The major sin it struck me ,now most of our football league is foreign players the mention of race is the sin, rather than the simple more basic act of being simply abusive.

I remember when i started watching and going to watch LIVERPOOL F.C. in the (gulp) 70's....There wasnt many Black or foreign players, but there was plenty of abuse. Those swearwords were viewed as utterly disgusting behaviour and players were punished for this totally ungentlemanly and thuggish behaviour. But now you can swear all you like at fellow players even referee's, like policemen ,apparently they expect to be sworn at. But the trouble now is if a racist element is tossed into the abusive stew, police investigations ensue ,players are stripped of their place in squads ,even international. People get angry and open their big mouths and nobodies got bigger mouths and smaller brains than those posing overpaid ,spoilt pains in the arse, the proffessional footballer. Their power and influence over their adoring fans is so immense that their behaviour and attitudes affect a lot of people so all of them ,whatever colour or race should have their arses kicked if they start shouting and yelling at each other or any decision made on the pitch. Bring back BOBBY CHARLTON, IAN CALLAGHAN, IAN ST JOHN, etc ,etc gentlemen of the game in a more decent innocent time.
The boss of FIFA, i cant spell his name ,he reckons that a firm handshake will cure the ills of the modern games, the firm handshake ,now theres no physical contact has been replaced by the petulant spit in the face.....Those who remember people like TOMMY SMITH and a mass of hard bastards from 'the ol' days', just imagine some of todays gobshites gobbing in their faces..."OUCH!"

Tuesday, 15 November 2011


I have to admit to being a little dubious when it was announced years ago that LIVERPOOL INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT, or SPEKE AIRPORT as the locals called it, was going to be henceforth known as JOHN LENNON INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT. I just thought it was carrying things a little too far. I'd imagine John sitting on No:9 Cloud pissin' himself laughing. The BEATLES are worl famous and beloved throughout the world ,but it has to be said the hallowed city fathers n mothers havent always held them lovable local rogues in such high regard and for years made no effort to push the legend of the BEATLES. Then respectability is pronounced upon them somewhere along the line and airports are named after them.

I was reading that NEW ORLEANS INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT was going to celebrate SATCHMO himself. LOUIS ARMSTRONG wouldve been 100 years of age , so they were going to call the airport after the great man. not SATCHMO INT' AIRPORT, but , i'd imagine LOUIS ARMSTRONG INT' AIRPORT.....I can hear the famous cackle now. I'd imagine in his time he didnt get treated too respectably being a jazz player n' black! It does seem respectability is something that comes long long after you've popped your clogs, so theres hope for me yet.

But the ideas caught on naming airports after musicians and popstars, etc . Any chance of DUBLIN INT' AIRPORT being renamed JEDWARD INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT?..oh i do hope so!


Over the weekend i spent hours watching telly programmes about those four Liverpool mopheads who stormed the world. They were and are superb ,but they were always Liverpool lads and it came to me in an interview with SIR MACCA' mCcARTNEY. He was on about GEORGE HARRISONS teddy boy greasy quiff when he first met PAUL McCARTNEY and JOHN LENNON....He said something along the lines of,"It's only a fuckin' quiff its not a fuckin' turban!"....I had to laugh as i'd never heard any of the BEATLES swear and when PAUL was imitating it ,it had the scallie scouse accent that they had before they had to become famously semi respectable and adopted that sort o' nassally drone. I recognised them. The coverage of their tours and BEATLEMANIA still stun and astound after all this time and their magic is still as powerful as ever .Liverpool is still crammed full of BEATLE TOURISTS.
Just recently with a single bound i leap from 2011 to 2015 , and partly 'cos of the 'popping of the clogs' of 'R' CILLA theres a lot of 60's stuff ,with Cilla ,the Beatles and the other night a documentary on GEORGE MARTIN. So i've been listening to a lot of 'THE FAB FOUR' and suprisingly stuff i'd never heard of. The thought of a BEATLE song i'd never heard ,well it's ridculous! But i'm back into the Beatles and not only the clever later stuff ,but the early 'FAB FOUR' stuff.

The MARTIN SCORSASE(?) documentary about GEORGE HARRISON showed interviews with Paul n' Ringo relaxed and enjoying telling stories and reliving those crazy days with their closest friends. Apparently the BEATLES did meet up on occassions and PAUL N' JOHN would meet up.
But what a journey ,from sleeping in cleaning cupboards behind the screen in porno cinemas on the Reeperbahn in Hamburg to the CAVERN in LIVERPOOL to SHEA STADIUM and on and up , what a story ,what a band!
And with a lot of the old CILLA footage being shown ,i remember watching her as a kid, but i have to admit it ,but i was never a fan of 'R' CILLA as a celebrity ,but i liked her as a sixties pop star..."Any one who ever had a heart!"...Great !

Tuesday, 1 November 2011


When i was that pimply snotty nosed ,scabby knee'ed kid you know from my many fond recollections from my past we used to have the old black n white telly. With our 8feet wide flat screens of today the mere 12inches or whatever from them days seem tiny, and with the big switches that your dad had to try and click to change channels or later the press buttons which you almost had to take a run at to press them enough to change to one of the mere three channels that we had. For years we never had BBC2, although we could hear it through the on screen snow. GRANADA had on a Monday at 8 o'clock WORLD IN ACTION and the BBC1 had PANORAMA.....BBC2 had THE HIGH CHAPERRAL, or ,ALIAS SMITH AND JONES. The happiest Monday night of my life ,i wont say happiest day of my life as that would be fairly pathetic, was when after 5 minutes fiddling at the back of the box of valves that was the telly by some fellah me dad knew we suddenly got BBC2 and i could watch the 'cowies' for the first time on the monday night ,no more current affairs for me, buster.

Just recently on our masssive flatscreen telly with tiny touch sensitive knobs 5000 channmels and not a valve in sight telly theres been a lot of western television ,films and series recently .THE HIGH CHAPERRAL is one RAWHIDE with a certain young fresh faced CLINT EASTWOOD inbetween shortpants and a poncho. I'm loving it ,a few newer ones ,one called DEADWOOD with our very own IAN MACSHANE as the town baddie, yup ,LOVEJOY hisself!...They've even drug up BONANZA and GUNSMOKE ,which ,apparently was the longest running, but i actually dont remember it i dont think GRANADA showed them. I wonder if ALIAS SMITH AND JONES is next up ,but there was STEVE MCQUEEN in WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE. He was a bounty hunter who didnt have a pistol in his holster ,but a sawn off WINCHESTER RIFLE. There was a series with ROD TAYLOR called THE BEARCATS as they played good mercenaries who travelled around in a STUTZ BEARCAT car doing brave good things ; CASEY JONES, jeez! I'm sitting here humming the bloody theme. CHUCK CONNORS in BRANDED!.. i'm singing the dramatic theme "Branded!..scorned is the man that ran ..What do you do when your branded and you know your a man?" He was supposed to have deserted and they broke his sword to compound his dishonour ,but he was dead brave really and travelled around with his broken sword so everyone knew he was a coward ,he may have been really brave but he was really stupid. CHUCK CONNORS other series was THE RIFLEMAN. Ah and on it goes, every second series in them days was a 'cowie'...

I have to resist the urge to hop and skip around outside ,slapping one buttock with one hand while firing a pretend gun made from joining two fingers together and trying to make gunshot sounds like we used to do around the playground once upon a lifetime ago.