I GUESS I BOMBED PAINTING A BOMBER!

Just this morning as i lay on the floor scratching my plums with one hand and holding a gallon mug of heavily sugared tea in the other and watching telly as well.....And they'll tell you its only the women who can multi-task! I was watching a documentary called 'BOMBER BOYS' about the LANCASTERS of Bomber command during the second 'Big One'. I remember as a little snotty kid being absolutly spellbound and awestruck and amazed ,theres a whole heap of similar words and they all apply to my feeling as those ROLLS ROYCE MERLIN ENGINES of that massive LANCASTER BOMBER thundered over my head and i have loved that aircraft ever since. There was a sequence on the programme were the last flying Lancaster was flying over the English countryside and my daughtr looked up from her book in amazement and disgust as her dad watched this airplane .......in tears!!!......."My dad crying over an airplane???"......The kid has no soul.

The Lancaster was designed by a Mr Chadwick from Widnes, just up the road from where i spent a good chunk of my life. And not only did he design the Lancaster ,but the other plane that affected me in the same way as it once swooped over my scruffy young head was the amazingly beooootiful AVRO VULCAN BOMBER, you remember from JAMES BOND ,THUNDERBALL ,the delta wing. The original design was by the same Mr Chadwick ,do you know i think i would've liked Mr Chadwick.

The painting was a first attempt at using acrylic paints and trying a proper painting....I dug it out this morning and ,suprise suprise it was a lot worse than i remembered, I bombed painting a bomber, yes i know the jokes as bad as the painting ,but i've only had one gallon of tea this morning what do you expect?

I'M SO HAPPY !....I'M SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION!

I wasn't very well last week and was crashed out on the couch not only physically 'shagged out', but mentally f****'d up too. I couldnt shake off this 'pissed offedness feeling' and lay there feeling thouroughly depressed. "Hang on " thought i, "I'm depressed! But only millionaire musicians and movie stars and celebrities who have absolutly nothing to be depressed about get depression..."I mean depression is a sort of qualification to be a real celebrity or creative genius ,virtually every comic genius your Spike Milligans ,etc suffered from depression. I definitly dont have a lot of money and these days i'm not known much outside my rapidly reducing social circle, but i'm depressed so maybe i'm a creative genius. I always had suspicions, but if i've got depression ,thats my official qualification for being a creative genius. I'm in quite august company. I'm depressed ,oh let joy be unrestrained.

THERES STARGAZING AND THERES BRIAN COX STARGAZING WISTFULLY FROM TOP OF MOUNTAINS

Theres a BRIAN COX who is the original HANNIBAL LECTOR from the original Hannibal Lector film MANHUNTER,This is all before ANTHONY HOPKINS. But aside from the murdering canibalistic monster that Brian Cox is ,theres another BRIAN COX whose dead dead nice, always smiling and dead dead clever 'cos he's a proffessor of physics and is on the telly every twenty minutes or so. His main shows ,there we go ,not a programme , but a 'show' ...There was 'WONDERS OF THE SOLAR SYSTEM, and WONDERS OF THE UNIVERSE....Both very good ,with lots of pictures of space n stuff, but lots more of him standing atop mountains and spectacular natural big things looking WISTFULLY to the skies. I mean have you ever seen PATRICK MOORElooking wistful? Over the last few nights, Cox and comedian DARA O'BRIAIN doing a stargazing programme, now the BBC have cottoned onto nightly reality telly about nature ,like summer/winter/spring/autumn watchfor animals, etc. They hit on the stargazing and isnt bad. They try and be funny and silly ,as for some reason everything has to be presented by a comedian. O'Briain is a clever fellah, but Cox tries to be funny as well and ,well stick to wistful physics, Brian!

I got a little pissed off the other day, they interviewed the 'LAST MAN TO WALK ON THE MOON.' Astronaut GENE CERNAN. They asked a few inane ,in my mind, questions about the future of space travel, etc. This mans mission lasted for 3 days on the moons surface and he went up mountains and gazed down canyons ,or Rilles as us spacenuts call 'em, he must've seen the most spectacular alien sights and landscapes of any human, it must've been totally mindblowing.

CHARLES DICKENS WOULD'VE BEEN 200 IF HE HADN'T DIED....THE END OF HIS UNFINISHED NOVEL..."AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!"

The last unfinished novel by CHARLES DICKENS was 'THE MYSTERY OF EDWIN DROOD'....But after extensive research i've found the ending. It was either something to do with Edwin and his lady friend surviving a nuclear blast and riding across the desolation towards the sun to start a new world away from the city of apes. The other is.."And they all lived happily ever after!"...Take no notice of the BBC's made up ending from their costume drama over christmas. It turns out that our greatest dead writer woul've been 200 about now, but he died which puts the'kibosh' on any birthday celebrations friends and fans were planning. My friend Dave, or WEE DAVEY, as he's called having lived up in Glasgow for many years now is a massive fan and he's the reason i drew up the piccie for him. I have to admit to not being a fan, exposed to a little of 'GREAT EXPECTATIONS' at school, as with SHAKESPEARE, i'm totally ignorant ,my only introduction was at school with 'THE MERCHANT OF VENICE.'

I dont know if i'll ever get any further wit Bill Shakespeare, but i may give Dickens a shot. Just recently i've read a few books about the days of BARE KNUCKLE PRIZEFIGHTING from the last century and it's a fascinating story and time . I've also read about JACK THE RIPPER, so with serial killers slaughtering ladies of ill-repute and big fellahs knocking 'seven bells' out of each other for hundreds of rounds, and i like the cartoonists,GILRAY,HOGARTH,ETC of the time ,so it does seem to be an interesting time and place. Theres also the amazing names that Dickens used for his characters, i did look them up on the computer ,but i havent the time to get them at the moment, but some crackers. So i might have a go at Charlie as a birthday prsent ,will he get royalties for book sales up in heaven.

MONEY DOESN'T BRING YOU HAPPINESS,BUT, APPARENTLY 'HAVIN' A FEW BOB' WILL CHEER YOU UP...OFFICIAL!!!!

Work is non existant and my benefit ,as i'm a social parasite bleeding the country dry claiming a benefit ,but i was caught by our eagle eyed goverment and dont get a penny not a bean!.....So i was sitting drawing ,or was it writing some rubbish or other and feeling pretty down. The radio informed me that among the things my cancelled benefits were paying for was a new hi-speed rail link so we can get to Birmingham half an hour quicker. Not only that , but a contract to build a pile of new fighter aircraft by the Yanks , it turns out that due to a design 'mistake', the aircraft wont be able to land on aircraft carriers due to the positioning of the snatch hook on the aircraft....Instead of at the rear of the plane ,they've put the hook between the wheels of the undercarriage, so when the wheels run over the snatch cable flattening it the hook wont touch it, so theres a few billion more blown, but i'm doing my bit giving up my paltry 60 quid a week. Theres m,any other things my benefits'll help, even a new yacht for'Her Majesty'....Your welcome, Ma'am!...(can you post me knighthood?)

But another important cost was encrued by paying for a study to tell us how we are happier when we've got a 'few bob!'......I've just checked one pocket and there was nothing in it and i felt a wave of depression, but that was wiped away when i found a fiver in my other pocket. They stopped my benefit to pay for a study telling me i'd be happy with a'few bob'...And its true, so thats ok then, maybe the goverment actually do know what they're doing?

NAPOLEAN SOLO....THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E. and the CORONATION STREET AFFAIR!!!!

hen i were a snotty kid and loved spies and all kinds of guys who shot baddies and blew up secret bases, JAMES BOND,obviously....GARRISONS GORILLAS a wartime telly version of the DIRTY DOZEN....But another favourite was the adventures of ILYA KURYAKEN and NAPOLEAN SOLO in the MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E. and their unending battle against the evil organisation THRUSH! The main character was NAPOLEAN SOLO,but ILYA KURYAKEN,originally a side character became an equal team. Solo was played by ROBERT VAUGHN who has appeared in every film and television show ever made....A real Hollywood star, currently he's been on a ruck of British telly stuff ,most recent being 'HUSTLE',which i have to confess never seeing. But he'll always be NAPOLEAN SOLO,THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E. to me.

I don't know if its a move ,up ,down or sideways for a Hollywood star to become a member of the cast of ....CORONATION STREET!!!!.......I can see him outside the corner shop, or the 'Rovers' speaking into his little pen radio, saying those immortal words,"OPEN CHANNEL D"....Every show title was 'the something ,or oher AFFAIR!'.....So this is 'THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E. in the CORONATION STREET AFFAIR!'

Whats next?......WILLIAM SHATNER/CAPTAIN KIRK in EMMERDALE(its life,Jim,but not as we know it!).......ADAM WEST/BATMAN in EASTENDERS,he managed GOTHAM CITY,but could he handle ALBERT SQUARE?

Its totally insane, but wonderful!

SHERLOCK ,HIMSELF....BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH, ALMOST AS GOOD A NAME AS SHERLOCK HOLMES

I always thought TIM LEATHERBARROW was a bad enough name, but i take my sympathy hat off to a guy called BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH. He's an actor who plays somebody else with a cracker of a name...SHERLOCK HOLMES!....We all know the name ,but if you were given the name as your mum n' dad were fans of somebody else with a ood name, an author with the mouthful of a moniker ,SIR ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE, well you wouldnt be too happy. In a world were hardly anybody has a name with more than 3 letters unless its a nickname, the kids in your class at reform school wouldnt let you getaway with a name like Sherlock.

The other night we were watching the updated remake of the SHERLOCK HOLMES epic ,THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES in the BEEB series 'SHERLOCK'. I thought it was really good ,savage dogs and magnifying glasses replaced by animal testing, clone research, nerve gas and I-PODS. But it worked. The funny thing is ,its gotten me watching the old JEREMY BRETT excellent traditional adaptations of the original stories. I've been reading the new JAMES BOND book ,which name ive forgotten for the moment, but is actually very good,but i've also found myself watching the originals on DVD again.

Theres nothing wrong with trying to update our favourite heroes, there'll always be those fans who'll think of it as a form of heresy, but they can stand alone in their own right and expand the popularity of the originals, a new generation go back to the'source material 'to see what the fuss is all about. My daughter loves 'SHERLOCK' and loved the GUY RITCHIE, SHERLOCK HOLMES films, at least it gets her away from HARRY POTTER.

BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH,is a fine actor with that 'odd' look about him that a character like Holmes demands, i cant help thinking he'd 've made a good DOCTOR WHO. MATT SMITH has that 'odd' look, but is too young and the writers seem to be going very weird and could destroy one of the greatest fictional characters since SHERLOCK HOLMES.

RONALD SEARLE (R.I.P.)....Chiz,chiz!!!

When i was a snotty kid long ago i remember around christmas they used to show a couple ofilms on the telly most years. They were "THOSE MAGNIFICENT MEN IN THEIR FLYING MACHINES." and "MONTE CARLO,OR BUST(Those brave young men in their jaunty jalopies!)",which were just silly fun-packed films and i still love' em. But the thing that caught me ,originally was the opening title sequences. One about these madcap planes and the same sort of thing about cars for the other. I saw the name RONALD SEARLE and it was a long time later until i found any of his work. I saw the original ST TRINIANS films, but didn't realise that they were from his cartoons.(i wont mention them f***kin' remakes!) But my introduction was a literary masterpeice called 'BACK IN THE JUG AGANE!"....These were the adventures of the gorilla of ST CUSTARDS, the inimitable NIGEL MOLESWORTH. I loved the whole series of books crammed with Searles scratchy dip pen drawings and even today still sit and read the wisdom of MOLESWORTH in his observations on life ,the universe, skool sossages and the skool dog!

I now have a good collection of Searles books as his work as a cartoon illustrator covers everything from the plain silly to travel reportage for magazines all over the world for every kind of major event, war zones , even the ADOLPH EICHMAN trial and heaven knows what. His work was ,clever ,funny ,nice to look at and very powerful.

He was a prisoner on the BURMA RAILWAY for most of the war, managing to amass a heap of sketches showing the conditions in the camps,which he managed to smuggle out when they were released and are well worth having a look at. There is a RONALD SEARLE BLOG called PERPETUA and is definitly worth having a look at.(ronald searle.com)

Ah well, he was my hero and in a world where there is few real legends,theres one less!

DRINK UNTIL YOU PEE BLOOD AND EAT UNTIL YOU REACH 42 STONE, THATS A HAPPY CHRISTMAS!

HAVE A GOOD 'UN, ONE N' ALL!

YO HO HIC!...UUURRRPPPP!!!!....ITS THE MOST BOOZIEST NIGHT OF THE YEAR!!!!

As i sit here with my 47th mug of tea using up my 94th tea bag of the day and a good chunk of a sugar mountain....Every channel through the digital interference (those annoying little squares that freeze the picture when the weather does its stuff, like today ,as the snow is casscading down)....But all the channels keep announcing on the news that today is the 'BOOZIEST DAY OF THE YEAR!'......So as me n' the dog sit here watching the news slurping gallons of tea, everybody else is out BINGE DRINKING, apparently ....The jammy Bastards!!!!...... I can imagine all the old boozers in Liverpool will be filled to the brim with guzzling festive frollickers. I might managhe a glass of wine tonight when i'm catching up on my SKY+ ,somewhere between 'LAST OF THE SUMMER WINE', 'STEPTOE', and 'THE HIGH CHAPPERALL.' You have your booziest and i'll have possibly the boringest night of the year!.......Now they're calling it VOMIT FRIDAY......I hope i can keep my mug of tea and banana buttie down!

AIR POO-LLUTION

'Up There!'.....Theres nothing there as its only thin gas we know as air and if you toss a stone or something up it flips and plummets straight back down again twice as fast as it went up. Theres no way anything should be able to stay up there. Then your argument hits its first hiccup when the first birdie flutters by and shits on your car windscreen. Birds are amazing creatures with the gift of flight.....Well their exterior ,the feathered bit is gifted their insides arent as gifted,but as long as the insides stay inside all is well. When the remains of their last meal decide to make an appearence as happens with all of gods creatures, gravity snatches the disgusting mess from beneath the tail feathers plummetting down to splatter across the pristine windscreen or shampoo'ed hair of some poor pedestrian. This ,in our little land is a mere inconvenience, but when we lived in India and Malaysia and EAGLES,FALCONS,HAWKS,etc constantly circled high overhead . Their 'do's' were like being shit on by a shire horse from 800 feet. Natures very pretty and all that, but dont look up too often.

If you look up where we live you see a sky criss crossed with aircraft vapour trails, when you see a jet flying through a clear cloudless blue sky i cant help thinking"What in gods name is keeping it up?" The moisture and fuel droplets filter down over us as do the billowing clouds from local power stations and the flagrant emissions that bubble and billow forth from RUNCORN and WIDNES and various spots around the fragrant NORTH WEST. It all eventually falls from the skies ,as did the radiation from CHERNOBYLL all thoseyears ago ,i remember the weather forecasts reporting the progress of the radiation cloud. And i was in LIVERPOOL as it drifted over during a rainstorm, little irradiated raindrops dripping over our heads.

All the SPACE JUNK building up ,sattelites and space stations,etc some losing their orbital velocity and turning into a fireball as they hopefully burn up in the atmoshere, but not all the time. Hands up all you old farts who remember SKYLAB falling out of orbit ,not NASA's proudest moment ,landed in Australia, i think. But while all these goodies from bird muck to space stations are constantly pouring and tumbling out of the sky, theres even more mysterious and deadly forces at work. Dust and rocks, meteors and meteorites are burning through the skies. If your not too worried about the effect of a fair sized lump of rock fresh from the KEIPER BELT or the OORT CLOUD at the limits of the SOLAR SYSTEM, just ask any DINOSAUR what he thinks about meteorites. I was looking at a picture of a place called TSUNGUSKA(i think!), but a meteor exploded above the ground and flattened forests for 500 miles around all the trees flush with the deck radiating away from the blast zone.

At the risk of spreading fear and paranoia, the sky looks clear ,fresh and emty ,totally harmless ,but its not, actually as i've been typing this garbage a bird flew into the window of my studio ,put the fear of god up me ,stupid little feathered get!

LETS DRINK TO IRANIAN DIPLOMACY, POSSIBLY THE BEST DIPLOMACY IN THE WORLD!

The world is a wonderful place and we all love it ,and possibly we'd all love it n' each other ,not caring who lives how and where as long as we can live and eat, we dont need tellys, computers cars ,etc the paraphanalia that is the horrendous complex shithole of a planet we live in. My family used to live on a farm in the middle of Ireland and we tried that stuff they used to call,'fresh air'. We'd walk on stuff called grass and soil and when people complain about dog muck we had 3 foot wide cow pats to stand in. Actually i quite liked the smell of cow shit. couldnt stand horse shit though! Nowadays theres not a kid who'll leave the house to try fresh air or even to walk on grass and through trees etc. Whereas we lived and loved a natural life ,thats all gone now. We live on estates watching reality telly ,computer games ,etc claiming our benefits as nobody has a job in this land and world run by those in power.

The aforementioned arseholes who run our world are the ones who create and maintain borders create international conflict, create the weapons to fight the conflicts they drag us into. As i write this rubbish, over in IRAN, one of the most popular countries in the world. Theres millions of perfectly normal poor people who just want to get on with their life. They are ruled by a friendly looking big eared smiling little bloke who wants to build nuclear weapons to blow his neighbours and us swine and infidels in the west to smithereens. Oh oh oh wot a lovely world...Just spoiled by those who run n' ruin it!

TOP GEARS JEREMY CLARKSON SHOOTS HIMSELF IN HIS FOOT IN FRONT OF TRADE UNION MEMBERS FAMILIES....

JEREMY CLARKSONor 'JEZZA!' as he's oft known as has stuck his size 42 foot in his gob again after saying how public sector strikers should be taken out and shot in front of their families. Today i was amazed to find on the radio a intellectual studenty sounding girl who apparently represent the unions saying how disgusting it all was. It was sick, appalling and deeply offensive to the families of those involved. They played cobbled together bits that when later when they played the whole interview had a totally different context to the one initially pushed. Clarkson when collared at an airport said "just listen to the full interview!".....I actually like' ol Jezza!'. He's a cross between ALF GARNETT and JOHN CLEESE. He is a journalist, but a humourous writer and journalist and nobody should be suprised at what he says by now as he's almost a national institution. They invite him one to a daily magazine show ,get him started and feign shock and suprise when it blows up in their face ,just as planned and the complaints from the moral majority come pouring in. If the immoral minority ,which is the rest of us ,who thought it was funny,and who couldnt be arsed anyhow and definitly have more things to do with our lives, sad though they may be, than write to complain to the BEEBEEBCEE! Because if we did their computers ,etc wouldnt crash they'd vapourise with the flood of correspondance.....Another sign of how when we need it most the Great British sense of humour is being crushed. They never interview people who like or enjoy things, just people who have to think things to death spoiling it for themselves and the rest of us who've got to listen to that shit!...They're the ones who should be shot!

CHARLES DARWIN WASTED HIS TIME ON 'ORIGIN OF THE SPECIES' ,HE COULD'VE MADE A PACKET WRITTING 'THE PLANET OF THE APES' FILMS.

Just to make the point that clever brainy people who devote their life to science can still change the world and make a 'few bob'. The 'origin of the species' said a lot about simian and human evolution which is covered in all the'PLANET OF THE APES' films.....But they dont have many birds, lizards, beetles, etc, but nobodies particually interested in'PLANET OF THE BEETLES', or 'PLANET OF THE FLIGHTLESS BIRDS', etc.....So if CHARLES DARWIN had given it a little thought he'd've got his message across and made a fortune......But they would've had to have invented films, but CHARLIE DARWIN was a clever bloke i'm sure he'd have been able to get round that minor obstacle.

IF EINSTEIN GOT IT WRONG ,MAYBE NEWTON DID TOO!....THE APPLE DIDNT FALL TO THE GROUND,BUT ROUND THE GROUND!

There was a time when people with a keen eye and a sharp mind used to see things and observe what was going on about them and this would spark thoughts and ideas which would drive them to discover why 'said' things happened and the forces involved. ISSAC NEWTON, supposedly sat in a garden watching an apple fall from a tree, some say actually onto his head. I would imagine the former being more likely to get a mind formulating the orbits, speed n' momentum of planets and moons within the SOLAR SYSTEM and unlocking the secrets of the force of GRAVITY, whereas the latter option would cause a mild concussive bump on the head followed by a torrent of bad language ,as ,apparently Newton was a bad tempered old fart.

ALBERT EINSTEIN imagined what it would be like to actually ride on a beam of light. This visualisation led to theories os special relativety and E=MC2, etc. In both cases these very special chaps changed the universe for all mankind ,having more effect on our knowledge of life, the universe n' everything than CAPTAIN KIRK, JEAN-LUC PICARD together....Maybe DOUGLAS ADAMS can claim to have made more sense of the universe.

My point ,yes believe it or not, there is one of sorts. Nowadays physicists are on telly in their own shows and guests on comedy chat shows of which there are a few. DR BRIAN COX, has a couple of series of him looking spiritual ,wind swept n' interesting on tops of mountains and glaciers, etc. But the main change is that the keen eyes and sharp minds that observe cause and effect of events around them now use that curiosity to formulate a stand-up routine for their LIVE AT THE APOLLO, or whatever ......Stand up comedy is the new science and discovery. Newtons apple would've gone into a sketch of how they land on your head and never in dog shit which you sit in when you sit under the apple tree, etc, etc. Or if you could ride a light beam, how could you get from home to the local ASDA carpark to get the shopping in, with our human reflexes we would have to put the brakes on instananeously ,but even then we would've circumnavigated the globe 846 times before we could stop at the store, then, of course at a 186,000 miles per second would it be better to use diesel or petrol and how long would it take to fill the tanks the size of Jupiter. Its sad, but the geniuses are being being taken over by smart arsed funny folk, not advancing humanity's knowledge of the universe ,but to get on a comedy panel show on SKY T.V.'s DAVE CHANNEL.

DANIEL CRAIG N' STEVE McQUEEN ARE THEY RELATED OR AM I JUST A LOUSY CARICATURIST?...(That doesnt require an answer.)

As i'm sure many of you remember being dedicated followers of this font of wisdom that is this Blog, that i had a great deal of difficulty trying at one point getting a likeness of MR BOND!...JAMES BOND, himself ,or CRAIG ...DANIEL CRAIG as he is known in darling 'thesp' circles. I had another go at getting his craggy good looks from my brush to the inkpot to the paper. I think i got a 'likeness', but being the perfectionist you all know me to be it could've been better. I found an old attempt at 'THE COOLER KING' himself a certain mr STEVE McQUEEN, who looks a little like our DANNY. In my defence a few people mentioned how the two do have a similar facial structure, so i will claim that my keen caricaturist eye spotted that . So there they are ,if not brothers ,possibly cousins in caricature.

I've noticed that with the internet it was easy to get pictures of people on the computer and try and use the photographic reference as a template for your caricature. But now i've noticed , in many cases equally, if not bigger files exist of caricature images of the same people. I would say many people are using other peoples caricatures as the reference for their own work. Hopefully this wont cause a 'flattening out ' of styles as people just copy other existing styles and effects. The funny thing is ,if you look at DANIEL CRAIG caricature images ,theres not many that are any good. That made me feel a little better after my struggles.

EFFIN' N' BLINDIN' ;RACIAL ABUSE N' SHAKING HANDS, THATS FOOTBALL!

After a supposed racial comment uttered by one of those fine body of national heroes which constitute our footballers, the mucky stuff has hit the fan. The recipient of this abuse didnt seem to mind too much and was content to let it go, but apparently a lip reading member of the public wasnt and reported it. The police were pulled in and weeks later i think its still bubbling on. After a whole ruck of abusive remarks were reported , some people defending the abuser and the abused. Blaming 'the heat of the moment',etc,etc. The major sin it struck me ,now most of our football league is foreign players the mention of race is the sin, rather than the simple more basic act of being simply abusive.

I remember when i started watching and going to watch LIVERPOOL F.C. in the (gulp) 70's....There wasnt many Black or foreign players, but there was plenty of abuse. Those swearwords were viewed as utterly disgusting behaviour and players were punished for this totally ungentlemanly and thuggish behaviour. But now you can swear all you like at fellow players even referee's, like policemen ,apparently they expect to be sworn at. But the trouble now is if a racist element is tossed into the abusive stew, police investigations ensue ,players are stripped of their place in squads ,even international. People get angry and open their big mouths and nobodies got bigger mouths and smaller brains than those posing overpaid ,spoilt pains in the arse, the proffessional footballer. Their power and influence over their adoring fans is so immense that their behaviour and attitudes affect a lot of people so all of them ,whatever colour or race should have their arses kicked if they start shouting and yelling at each other or any decision made on the pitch. Bring back BOBBY CHARLTON, IAN CALLAGHAN, IAN ST JOHN, etc ,etc gentlemen of the game in a more decent innocent time.
The boss of FIFA, i cant spell his name ,he reckons that a firm handshake will cure the ills of the modern games, the firm handshake ,now theres no physical contact has been replaced by the petulant spit in the face.....Those who remember people like TOMMY SMITH and a mass of hard bastards from 'the ol' days', just imagine some of todays gobshites gobbing in their faces..."OUCH!"

LOUIS ARMSTRONG INT' AIRPORT; JOHN LENNON INT' AIRPORT....JEDWARD INT' AIRPORT?

I have to admit to being a little dubious when it was announced years ago that LIVERPOOL INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT, or SPEKE AIRPORT as the locals called it, was going to be henceforth known as JOHN LENNON INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT. I just thought it was carrying things a little too far. I'd imagine John sitting on No:9 Cloud pissin' himself laughing. The BEATLES are worl famous and beloved throughout the world ,but it has to be said the hallowed city fathers n mothers havent always held them lovable local rogues in such high regard and for years made no effort to push the legend of the BEATLES. Then respectability is pronounced upon them somewhere along the line and airports are named after them.

I was reading that NEW ORLEANS INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT was going to celebrate SATCHMO himself. LOUIS ARMSTRONG wouldve been 100 years of age , so they were going to call the airport after the great man. not SATCHMO INT' AIRPORT, but , i'd imagine LOUIS ARMSTRONG INT' AIRPORT.....I can hear the famous cackle now. I'd imagine in his time he didnt get treated too respectably being a jazz player n' black! It does seem respectability is something that comes long long after you've popped your clogs, so theres hope for me yet.

But the ideas caught on naming airports after musicians and popstars, etc . Any chance of DUBLIN INT' AIRPORT being renamed JEDWARD INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT?..oh i do hope so!

THE BEATLES AND THE MAGICAL INSANITY TOUR!

Over the weekend i spent hours watching telly programmes about those four Liverpool mopheads who stormed the world. They were and are superb ,but they were always Liverpool lads and it came to me in an interview with SIR MACCA' mCcARTNEY. He was on about GEORGE HARRISONS teddy boy greasy quiff when he first met PAUL McCARTNEY and JOHN LENNON....He said something along the lines of,"It's only a fuckin' quiff its not a fuckin' turban!"....I had to laugh as i'd never heard any of the BEATLES swear and when PAUL was imitating it ,it had the scallie scouse accent that they had before they had to become famously semi respectable and adopted that sort o' nassally drone. I recognised them. The coverage of their tours and BEATLEMANIA still stun and astound after all this time and their magic is still as powerful as ever .Liverpool is still crammed full of BEATLE TOURISTS.

The MARTIN SCORSASE(?) documentary about GEORGE HARRISON showed interviews with Paul n' Ringo relaxed and enjoying telling stories and reliving those crazy days with their closest friends. Apparently the BEATLES did meet up on occassions and PAUL N' JOHN would meet up.

But what a journey ,from staying in cleaning cupboards in porno cinemas on the Reeperbahn in Hamburg to the CAVERN in LIVERPOOL to SHEA STADIUM and on and up , what a story ,what a band!

YEEEEHHAAAAARRRRR!!!!!!....THE COWBOYS'RE BACK IN TOWN SPITTIN' DUST N 'SOUND EFFECTS!

When i was that pimply snotty nosed ,scabby knee'ed kid you know from my many fond recollections from my past we used to have the old black n white telly. With our 8feet wide flat screens of today the mere 12inches or whatever from them days seem tiny, and with the big switches that your dad had to try and click to change channels or later the press buttons which you almost had to take a run at to press them enough to change to one of the mere three channels that we had. For years we never had BBC2, although we could hear it through the on screen snow. GRANADA had on a Monday at 8 o'clock WORLD IN ACTION and the BBC1 had PANORAMA.....BBC2 had THE HIGH CHAPERRAL, or ,ALIAS SMITH AND JONES. The happiest Monday night of my life ,i wont say happiest day of my life as that would be fairly pathetic, was when after 5 minutes fiddling at the back of the box of valves that was the telly by some fellah me dad knew we suddenly got BBC2 and i could watch the 'cowies' for the first time on the monday night ,no more current affairs for me, buster.

Just recently on our masssive flatscreen telly with tiny touch sensitive knobs 5000 channmels and not a valve in sight telly theres been a lot of western television ,films and series recently .THE HIGH CHAPERRAL is one RAWHIDE with a certain young fresh faced CLINT EASTWOOD inbetween shortpants and a poncho. I'm loving it ,a few newer ones ,one called DEADWOOD with our very own IAN MACSHANE as the town baddie, yup ,LOVEJOY hisself!...They've even drug up BONANZA and GUNSMOKE ,which ,apparently was the longest running, but i actually dont remember it i dont think GRANADA showed them. I wonder if ALIAS SMITH AND JONES is next up ,but there was STEVE MCQUEEN in WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE. He was a bounty hunter who didnt have a pistol in his holster ,but a sawn off WINCHESTER RIFLE. There was a series with ROD TAYLOR called THE BEARCATS as they played good mercenaries who travelled around in a STUTZ BEARCAT car doing brave good things ; CASEY JONES, jeez! I'm sitting here humming the bloody theme. CHUCK CONNORS in BRANDED!.. i'm singing the dramatic theme "Branded!..scorned is the man that ran ..What do you do when your branded and you know your a man?" He was supposed to have deserted and they broke his sword to compound his dishonour ,but he was dead brave really and travelled around with his broken sword so everyone knew he was a coward ,he may have been really brave but he was really stupid. CHUCK CONNORS other series was THE RIFLEMAN. Ah and on it goes, every second series in them days was a 'cowie'...

I have to resist the urge to hop and skip around outside ,slapping one buttock with one hand while firing a pretend gun made from joining two fingers together and trying to make gunshot sounds like we used to do around the playground once upon a lifetime ago.