Friday, 30 November 2012


Guy carter isn't really an old fart ,but you could easily mistake him for one. He is balding grey and ussually got pockets full of notebooks and books of poetry and Shakespeares sonnets. Up until recently he never watched a telly ,not owning one ,but now with his beloved laptop has been known to enjoy mainline and not so mainline entertainment courtesy of the internet!!!.....As far as i know this strange freak of nature hasn't much if any interest in music ,but due to a lady friend over the'pond' our hero is going to sit in the middle of the front row at the WHO'S gig in Chicago. I can see him walking the streets of Walthemstow with his target mod tee shirts ,deerstalker hat ,or trilby with a feather. But maybe not....The only equivalent i can think of is the effect the SEX PISTOLS  would've had on the QUEEN MOTHER in 1942. But we shall see ,as i am already being woken up in the night by text phone messages starting the process of rubbing my face in it.....He'll be rubbing my face in it because he's going ,but i can rub his face in it because he is going!

apparently he's even going to the soundcheck rehearsal ,he's informed us that he's going to bring a book to read while these 'MOODY BLUES WANNA -BE'S' are on???/......I told you he was an oddball!


As i go out into the dense freezing mist to take the dog for a walk i pass a smashed bus stop with a bunch of scallie lads clad in track suits even in this freezing weather and to compound the fitness theme of their attire are lounging about scratching themselves and puffing on an endless supply of ciggies....Their girlfriends are off to the side keeping quiet and not interfering in their mans talk or 'the 'effin' n' blindin' that passes for manly conversation. The girls are texting away to who knows who ,possibly the girlfriend of one of the other lads whose standing in her place to the side or behind her man only yards away .I wonder looking at the relationship between these boy n' girl scallies wether they are converts to Islam ,or something.
I hate the scalliffication of the world, it is on the increase and i hate it!.....I hate the way it has affected peoples accents ,instead of the reigional mild accents ,as in Liverpool from years by ,now its mutated into this terrible gutteral street talk, as has accents all over the land , the language of the streets, my arse ,making you cringe when scallies of all ages spout their uninformed crap about whats wrong with the world and why they've just burnt the town centre don ,etc. all with their hoodie uniforms and scallie vicious dogs ,etc
I hate how 'a look' becomes popular and everybody on the planet has to copy it, cloths ,facial hair ,whatever ....I hate the celebrities ,talentless shitheads who are famous for being famous , at the moment i hold a special place in my spleen for that pain ,Cheryl Cole. Every day theres something about her being wonderful and a national treasure???.....I hate the deluge of stand up comedians all with razor sharp observations on the world  on every night and in between on those endless panel shows.
I hate people at concerts who have to stand and dance ,ok we have to sit at concerts these days ,its a fact of life then one knobhead will stand and 400 people behind him have to then.....I hate those stupid bitches who have to sit on their boyfriends shoulders blocking everything of to all the people for 200 yards behind them. I hate everybody compounding it all having to film with telephones ,which was a nuisance ,but is worse as people hold up bloody I_Pads....
I hate people who have to wear sunglasses on their head all the time...I hate those jeans with the crotch by the knees and those hats which are furry ,but with the long dangly bits at the side. Ah theres plenty more, but i've vented my spleen to an extent and am going to put the kettle on......We're out of milk ,Gawd i hate that!

Wednesday, 28 November 2012


When we were over in the good ol' U.S.of A. the other week ,in FLORIDA we had to go to SEA WORLD and while there i got dragged kicking and screaming to see the Killer Whales jumping and splashing about, very impressive they are ,but very mercenary. They wont even stick their snout above the water unless they get a bucket of fish to swallow from the team of swim suit clad smiling typical American girls called Becky and who say "Hi!" a lot.

As we sat there waiting for the show to start ,a big screen started to show a Disney type "If we all band together we can save our wonderful ,beautiful world!" cute ecological film......They showed their fish medical department which has, apparently some of the most advanced equipment there is. It was commented how the hospital was as good as a human hospital. The only difference i could see was that if your human you have to pay through the nose to be treated and cured, if your medical insurance policy isnt paid up to date ,tough shit ,you could find yourself in a hole ,or, as the gangsters used to say"Swimming with the fishes!".....Who thanks to the sea world and such places are a lot healthier. than the folks of that great nation. I think to avoid any medical bills dress up as a dolphin ,as everybody loves the dolphins and go to the fish doctor with your malady ,dont tell him what the problem is,but with dolphins being dead clever you might be able to indicate whats up, the piscine doctors and nurses wont be suspicious they'll just be amazed how wonderful nature is and how cute dolphins are.

Monday, 26 November 2012


If you look on SKY TV they are showing the original DALLAS  series which is the ultimate SOAP OPERA.... Even more dramatic then CORONATION ST and HOLLYOAKS together. The stories of  the distgustingly oil rich EWWINGS family.....But the main character spawned was the nastiest ,evilest, greediest ,slimiest, money grabbing character of them all J.R. with his alcoholic wife SUE ELLEN...But money and oil and doing terrible bad things to get more oil and money was J.R.'s stock in trade. J.R. was so famous that when the actor who played him LARRY HAGMAN realised his worth and wanted a payrise, the producers decided to 'kill him off'!....Hagman didn't back down and went on holiday with his family and his character was shot!.....Even today people who weren't even born when DALLAS was on ,or have quite simply never watched it at all really used ,possibly one of the most famous phrases ,ever!..."WHO SHOT J.R.?".....Actually i've forgotten who shot him.
When the film arrived in the UK it was kept under maximum security in case the answer got out. Apparently, the cast in the States had to film a heap of different scripts and scenarios ,so none of them knew who did the dasterdly deed ,even if it was them!Hagman got his ridiculously large pay rise and returned.
They couldnt afford to pay him ,but they couldnt afford not to either.
I temember a young freshfaced LARRY HAGMAN when i were no'but a lad! He played an astronaut who found a very tasty genie in a lamp in a series called 'I DREAM OF JEANNIE!'....This was a slight wacky series as was Larry ,who was very fond of the 'WACKY 'BACCY!'....Liked to drink and was fond of LSD...with musicians and actors like JACK NICHOLSON...So he was a bit of a 'lad' an,although ,apparently a nice guy ,an inveterate practical joker. I saw him on various shows and he seemed to enjoy sending himself up .
But the most famous bad guy in telly history has gone to meet his maker...Not the nice fellah with the beard n' halo ,no the other one with the horns,wings ,tail and fork


                                                                              I do enjoy watching the various sports channels and watch a bit of KICKBOXING,or the increasingly popular MMA, MIXED MARTIAL ARTS  mayhem which is becoming increasingly popular. The two cartoons which i have put up for your delectation were done a while ago and the more eagle eyed and pedantic nit picking pains in the arse amongst you will recognise as being used before ,although i prefer to look at it as artistic recycling of a sort. The top one was when our beloved P.M. DAVID CAMEROON  was fighting our cause for something or other with our oldest friends across the channel. I thought they should let them slug it out in a cage fight. Likewise when the elections were taking place and we had to sit through the three way telly debate ,i thought they should have slugged it out in the cage, the winner would've gained a lot more respect for their fighting prowess and courage than the party policy bullshit which was the political 'SUZY Q' knockout punch that CAMEROON won it with.

The reason for the cage fight theme was quite simply because a MARTIAL ARTIST lady friend of me and the family and teacher of my nephews was fighting in a title KICK BOXING fight in the holiday town of CONWAYin North Wales.....Lovely it was too....As we walked through high winds and pissing down storms to the glamour of Conway Leisure Centre. All the competitors and their club mates were there,various MMA club hoodies ,all with stubbly unshaven chins ,but totally shaved heads and ,if you looked carefully you might see a bit of flesh coloured skin between the tatooes.
As we sat there guzzling from bottled lager with 'dance music' booming out ,from the speakers that we found ourselves right in front of .....I'm sure i've got tinnittus now.  One by one after the young ,but still puppy-fatted long legged would be model ring girls had done their circuit of the ring with the round number the spilling of the blood n' snot began. Dont get me wrong ,some good stuff took place ,but basically it was a brawling slugfest ,on the whole . KICK BOXING is ,basically fists and feet, but the MMA is no holds barred ,kicks,punches, knees and most amazingly aside from JUJITSU locks and holds on the deck is how its ok to hammer the face of your opponent with your fist as they lie on the deck. I dont think any of the MMA fights went the distance . Possibly the best two fights of the night were the womens ,two momentous scraps ,unfortunatly our friend ANN lost to her opponent ,only just ,but she is a slim lady and her opponent who held the title wouldnt fight if she was above a certain weight ,so Ann had to lose over 2 stone, so she went from not much in the first place to virtually nothing in as many weeks, which cant do you much good.
Call me a MARTIAL ART SNOB,if you will ,but i remember watching the great fighters at KARATE championships through the years in a lot more traditional vein, although it was semi-contact ,a lot more control and skill was displayed ,sadly ,as sport KARATE is becoming more and more important in the burgeoning number of new schools and styles popping up all over the place ,the traditional techniques and principles of MARTIAL ARTS  and the BODY MECHANICS that make KARATE a life time study have all but dissappeared, but the sport fighting like boxing is hard and fast ,but as in traditional boxing and most sport the body wont take it after the thirties on the whole. The traditional KARATEKA would power in ,but would protect themselves ,but the cage figthers went in swinging and leading with their faces ,there was hardly a guard up all night, very strange.....
Nobody likes getting hit: Then you get used to it...: Then you dont mind it too much: Then you dont mind it at all : Then you start to enjoy it and then you look foreward to a smack and cant wait to fight and enjoy ,getting a smack ,but never quite as much as dealing them out.....If you do ,then i think maybe its time you looked for something else to pass your time.
One thing that i didn't miss about the cage fighting night was ,i blame the bottled lager ,but the smell of  farts pervaded the hall....The fighters didnt stink ,but some of the audience did!....Some knockout stuff there ,it actually made me wish i wa up in the cage sometimes.

Friday, 23 November 2012


                                  Long ago a couple of days after the world was very kindly created in a week long rush job by the supreme being known as GOD  to his mates, the single occupant of this paradise ,well it was starting to look like that once all the rubble ,diggers and skips had been moved....Well the lone resident was a fellah called ADAM. I imagine he was quite pleased even if he didn't have a clue what in gods name was going on,he probably didn't know who god was until he stood by him humming and muttering pessimistically, rubbing his beard over wether he could squeeze a mountain range before the horizon ,or wether a verdant forest could be inserted over here ,or over there, etc. Lets face it builders are builders wether they be supreme beings or not!

The garden of EDEN as it was called was very nice and everything ADAM could want for was there ,if he had any idea what he wanted for. Adam ,to be honest ,although he didn't know it was lonely and bored, he was the only person in the world ,so there wasn't even anything to watch on the telly, there was plenty of nature around him, but nobody to make the nature programmes ,i mean this is a long time ago ,even before DAVID ATTENBOROUGH¬

GOD had an idea .ADAM went to sleep one night and woke up in the morning and came out with the first mouthful of expletives ,since the dawn of creation ...The reason for this outburst of swearwords was because as he sat up a pain shot through his side due to the nocturnal removal of a couple of his ribs by GOD?....Now having busted a couple of ribs in my time i can appreciate how ADAM felt. Once he'd calmed down and stopped swearing GOD revealed his grand design....

It was what would become known as  woman in biological terms, but for now she was called EVE. ADAM was a little flabbergasted....She had a lumpy hairless chest and absolutly NO DANGLY BIT?????.....But funnily enough it wasn't unpleasant to look at and ADAMS dangly bit seemed to lose a bit of its 'dangle' for some reason. They both weren't too attracted to each other, but felt awkward and went about covering bits of themselves up. When this had taken place a funny thing happened the more they covered themselves up ,the more they wanted to rip the others covering off???.....GOD sat them both down and 'HAD A TALK' about things n' mummies n' daddies ,etc,etc. He also 'SPAKE UNTO THEM!', as thats what gods do rather than 'TALK TOO!' about living in paradise and populating the planet.

Eve was a woman and the only thing she was worrying about populating the world was losing her figure! As every woman has and will no doubt continue to do so ,she investigated various diets. God told them to leave an apple on a tree alone, but EVE who'd just had a few months on a meat only diet THE ATKINS DIET ,i think its called, decided with the help of the DEVIL disguised as a serpent whispering in her ear to start a fruit diet and started with a chunk out of a certain off limits apple, whereas if she'd stuck with the ATKINS diet she may well have bitten a chunk out of the serpent, i believe snake meat is very tasty. If she'd done that we'd all be living in paradise.

When THE LOVELY LYNNE goes out in the morning with her packet of fruit ,bananas,apples ,etc, i imagine her with her lunch of chopped serpant ,if things'd been different once long ago.

Wednesday, 21 November 2012


During my blog layoff ,unable to put images on the computer i attempted a couple of purely painted images ,no pre sketches or computer imaging just some very battered paint brush, long past their chuck in the bin by-date and slapped on the acrylic paint to attempt yet another DANIEL CRAIG as we'd been   to see the latest ,much anticipated JAMES BOND  film, SKYFALL ,a few days before.

Yes i know its not like the old SEAN CONNERY style ,etc,etc, but the changes have to be made and let it evolve and i could see our mean rough tough DANNY BOY turning into an early wry smoothie OO agent, as it becomes clear the character and stories ,although they are set in the modern day are from the beginning of JAMES BOND and how he became what he did. Whether we'll have SPECTRE,SMERSH,BLOFELDT, the white pussy cat and shark tanks,etc, who knows, but i enjoyed SKYFALL and love DANIEL CRAIG ,in a manly butch way ,of course .....He's a hard bastard! But the film was interesting with plenty of twists and turns . People complained about being set in London and Scotland, but i enjoyed that, it made a refreshing change from exotic beaches, etc, apparently it was mainly financial reasons rather than artistic reasons, but it worked for me and, quite frankly thats all i'm worried about. 

The other main relief was the action scenes ,they werent the mad frenetic ,badly edited way ,as in QUANTUM OF SOLACE,esspecially. In fact they were quite good and able to be followed by us conneisseurs of extreme violence. The LOVELY LYNNE drooled over MR CRAIG for totally different reasons and even said she'd like to go back and see it again.....Praise indeed!

A few days ago i got dragged all the way to SKEGNESS as THE LOVELY LYNNE  and her band THE MANCHESTER SKA FOUNDATION were playing a 'gig' at a scooter rally. I had two C.D.'s of BOND soundtracks ,,One was GOLDFINGER and t'other was THUNDERBALL. when i used to drive around our green n' pleasant land i used to play them loud , it was great flying along the highways and byways overtaking everybody while the BOND theme boomed in you ears , i have to admit to the odd wry smile and cocked eyebrow, it was even better when i was going to a job and i was in a dinner suit....I was LEATHERBARROW!....TIM LEATHERBARROW!  So i gave THE LOVELY LYNNE  the best of JOHN BARRY,admittedly it wasn't what she'd've chosen if asked,but i didn't, so on went the Bonds! But when she heard all the Brass ,esspecially the TROMBONES she was happy. Whether the modern BONDS will ever match the old ones musically is ,sadly doubtful, but you never know...

It just ,so happened the following day Lynne had a 'gig' in Manchester ,so i stayed home and watched THUNDERBALL following the music as i still had the soundtrack in my head,  it was great, i've always lked THUNDERBALL,in fact i think its the first Bond i remember seeing on the pictures. I always remembered THE VULCAN BOMBER under the sea , a beautiful craft .Then a few weeks later bursting with excitment on seeing "the bond plane!" and excitedly informing my dad at Speke airshow as a kid as this gorgeous Delta-Winged vision roared over our heads, absolutly wonderful, its still the JAMES BOND PLANE!


(I do hope so!) 


                                                                           WHAY HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.................Its a grotty wet cold Warrington morning, not that theres any other kind ,so i'm fairly used to it ,but what makes this grotty morning different from all the other grotty mornings is that for some reason i've managed to get an image on the fuckin' blog ,at long last!......Forgive the colourful language, but i've been totally screwed for weeks and ,although i haven't a clue what i've done .....I've done it!.....I did a couple of pure painted caricatures the other day ,not using pencil sketches or anything ,just slapping on the jolly old acrylic paint. The reason you have been exposed to yet another WHO image is twofold.....If you are sitting comfortably ...I shall explain.

The other week we were across the'pond' in the good ol' U.S.of A. We had a trip to Florida no less. The weather was nice and there wasn't that many people there so the 'parks' weren't full so 'yours truly' could go on the rides 'again n' again....I admit it ,i'm a middle aged ol' fart and i love 'the rides ,even the simulated ones ,like SPIDERMAN and THE SIMPSONS at UNIVERSAL....But the main reason for the park trip was because my daughter ELARA is an out n' out HARRY POTTER nut!.....Her mum THE LOVELY LYNNE is quite fond as well it should be said and has read the books a heap of times. The two of them have the ability to 'fly' through books ,Lynne can read an 8 inch thick tome in a day...It's a gift i'd love to have, but alas! Elara takes after her mam ,thankfully and zooms through books retaining the information ,yet another gift i don't possess. But anyhow the two of them were reading HARRY POTTERin the Florida sun and going on the HARRY POTTER RIDE again and again and yet a few more agains and again, but its all very clever and impressive and they loved it.

But HARRY POTTER was a big part of the trip ,but not all .....There was something else ,far more important due to take place!

THE WHO were playing in down town ORLANDO!!!!.....And we were going to see the boys. Anight or two before we went to see them ,they played their first QUADROPHENIA gig and after when they were ploughing through the hits when my best mate PETE TOWNSHEND with his much publicised hearing difficulties muttered something about the sound levels and walked off....Nothings ever simple when the 'ORRIBLE 'OO go on stage. Our tickets were for Petes side of the stage and we had visions of bare stage with tumbleweeds blowing across. But the boys were there on the night in fine fettle and let rip !!!!.Townshend leaping about like a madman, wonderful! And Daltrey sounding stunningly powerful after surgery on his throat a while back....Even ELARA conceeded "THEY WERE AWESOME!"......Praise indeed!

Across the road was a boozer where we met a few English lads who'd lived in the states for years, one had a proper Union Jack jacket as TOWNSHEND  and MOON used to wear i got a photo of me wearing it ,if i can work out the advanced technology in putting a photo on the blog i'll treat you . Lynne now knows what she can gether stylish hubbie, me for xmas, wether she'd let me out in it is another matter, although she'd not be above nicking it for one of her SKA GIGS ,as she's done to her daughters DOC MARTENS boots( what would the bank say?...) And you lot thought she was nice and respectable, well !Let me tell you!...............

The other reason for the WHO picture was purely because it was on the scanner from last week so PETE n' ROGER were my scanner guinea pigs..............