Friday, 28 January 2011


The other day i was watching some of the mass of telly stuff that just keeps on collecting within the SKY + thingey box. One of them was an Arena documentary about the one and definitly only ROLF HARRIS. Our fave Aussie was "KERSPLONGING ;SPLURGIN' N 'CAN YE TELL WOT IT IZ YIT'IN?" away happily painting portraits of various tasty ladies of stage ,screen n' catwalk. But as he slapped the paint on and eventually they evolved into damn good paintings. The bit that struck me was he said that he never drew his pictures out before 'kerspluging'the paint on. I thought i'll have to give that a whirl.
The next programme i sat and watched alone, as the LOVELY LYNNE tends to have no interest in anything i tend to want to watch. As i dont record LOCATION,LOCATION,LOCATION, or, 'COME DINE WITH ME.'I tend to have the telly to myself as Lynne is absorbed in the I-PAD i bought her for x mas. But on this particular occassion as i sat alone watching COLDITZ. A great classic from THE BEEB. With a whole host of stars locked up in the castle. Amongst these 'chaps' were ILLYA KURYAKIN from ,THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E...DAVID MCCALLUM. ROBERT WAGNER, from IT TAKES A THEIF...And damn near every film ever made. But one fellah in it who stood out is the wonderful ANTHONY VALENTINE.The slim steely eyed young man isnt quite that these days. He's older, balder and carrying a bit of weight these days, but you may remember him from doing a stint in'CORONATION STREET' over the last year. But in the old days ,he was one of tellys favourite psycopaths and baddies. He played the commited Nazi officer in Colditz, but this was after his crowning achievment as possibly the nastiest man alive.
One of telly's absolute classics was CALLAN. EDWARD WOODWARD was ,as they say ,'a down at heel' working class goverment assassin with a consience but still as hard as nails and mean as hell.....Great as the 'baddest goodie' on the box. But his 'sidekick and partner was the upper class, possibly not as hard ,but definitly meaner, TOBY MERES, a slimey smart ,slim ,steely eyed ,evil smiling ,old school tie and trendy suited psychotic killer who hated Callan as much as callan hated him, but they were a team and had a fascinating on screen relationship. Meres was played by ANTHONY VALENTINE.The goodest baddie on the box. The I think Toby Meres could've got his own series ,or Valentine could've made a great baddie in a BOND film.
I thought i'd have a go at painting a caricature of our favourite anti-hero, but had a murderous job finding a decent nasty picture of Anthony Valentine. Much to my chagrin ,lots of pictures of him laughing and smiling and looking like the goodfellah he sadly is. But i had a go. The result looks a little funny ,as acrylic paint seems to darken considerably when copied onto the screen. But as a treat to my followers and fans ,just to show how wonderful i am, i've even thrown the Edward Woodward picture i did the other month when he 'popped his clogs', gawd bless 'im. I might get away with the dubious likeness , as its only old farts like meself who remember 'nerdy' stuff like this.

Wednesday, 26 January 2011


Ah England , my England ,land of SHAKESPEARE, OSCAR WILDE, CHAUCER,CHARLES DICKENS n' all them giants of literature I dont read 'em meself,of course as i'm still reading my e-comics. But i took a walk into a few bookshops the other week and couldnt believe the number of autobiographies from our beloved celebrities.Take for example,you may have heard of a lady called KATY PRICE/ JORDAN, whatever, she's only about 30, but she must have about 6 volumes of her autobiography. I came to the conclusion that every single person who appears on telly or radio or scribbles a word in a paper has a bloody autobiography out.And lest we forget ,every bloody'stand-up' comedian whose been famous since just before christmas, they've managed to pull out their fascinating life stories. I dont think i'll be jumping on the band wagon, banging out my auto biography for the simple reason , i cant remember about 90% of my fascinating life. So basically i dont think i'll make a fortune out of the total of three months i can dredge memories from over the last action-packed(i assume), 50 years of the wild, living on the edge(and quite often falling over that edge), life of ....MEEEE!!!!!......WILD TIM LEATHERBARROW. Anyhow ,just as well i cant remember 'cos if i did me mum'd kill me ,not to mention THE LOVELY LYNNE.
But the thing that fascinate me the most was this huge section devoted to the life stories of ,basically the scum of the Earth. Ex-reformed ,they're always ex's and always reformed....Various hooligans ,criminals ,football hooligans, murderers for the mob ,gang members ,drug dealers ,bank robbers, and plain old dispensers of the good ol' 'knuckle butty' for various gangs, .Theres the sweethearts who have affectionate nicknames like 'mad or crazy 'before their names. Theres the heartwarming tales of how some used to go around inserting knives and or bottles, into people: Of course theres the sweeties who took the more direct approach and blew them apart with various guns n' rifles: Psychotic bull-shitting gobshits who've lots of stories of booting shite outta some poor sod at the match ,waiting his turn from the other 50 or so scallies waiting patiently in line to crowd around and sink his steel toecaps into some poor curled heap on the ground: Multiple murderers who spend their time in solitary confinement pumping iron and when they're not doing that they're tatooeing themselves or getting married ,and writing books ,if they have enough time left in their busy schedule in maximum security. They are all general hardcases and you can tell as they'll all have a black and white picture of his shaven headed scowling face, of course on the cover of his literary tome.
Ah sod it ,i'm going back to my comics, i've given the MARVEL COMICS a good hammering and i'm now working through 3 cd's of THE ESSENTIAL BATMAN COMICS.....Ah life can be good.

Monday, 17 January 2011


As the LOVELY LYNNE carries on suffering with peurisy,i'm doing my best to keep her comfy and her hot water bottle kept warm. But this Tim Nightingale display had to stop for a couple of days , quite simply because THE WHO were playing at a cancer charity gig at the HAMMERSMITH APOLLO.....or ,the 'Ammersmiff 'pollo'.....The guy from THE VERVE, kicked off proceedings , followed by a solo by a certain ROGER DALTREY. Then a canadian chap called BRYAN ADAMS ,who to be fair wasnt bad. But he was followed by a guy whose not bad on the guitar , his name was JEFF BECK and he was blisteringly outstanding. I'll be looking on Amazon for a bit of his stuff. He then backed a slightly wobbly DEBBIE HARRY ,she wasnt bad, but the glory days of BLONDIE are way behind. But then the Boys were back in town! Their old stomping ground of HAMMERSMITH, SHEPHARDS BUSH N' ACTON, rang once again to MAXIMUM R&B,THE WHO were home... And they let rip! ROGER DALTREY was in fine voice and PETE TOWNSHEND, maybe not the tune player in the manner ,as is MR BECK......But nobody plays like Pete and he showed that nobody can do what PETE TOWNSHEND does best, which is play the guitar like PETE TOWNSHEND! I defy anybody to not watch TOWNSHEND ..He fascinates me with his spirit ,power ,aggression and humour.. God bless ya ol' farts ......Thats all of THE WHO, for now.....'Till next time anyhow!
But we celebrated our night in a few 'Ammersmiff' boozers, and got to bed at some ungodly hour. The following day we met up with a cartooning legend the famous GUY CARTER..And we hit a pile of SOHO boozers ,before ,in the evening meeting up with the CARTOONIST CLUB, for a CARTOONIST PISS UP.....And again this resulted in going to bed at some even worse ungodly hour ,covered in cuts n' bruises. For some reason these social functions do take it out of us both physically and mentally. We''re getting older ,but the 'hootin n' hollerin' hasn't changed over the years. At the end of the night those casualties of extreme excess included ;Simon Ellinas;Paul baker; The Angelic Cathy Simpson , all people from the other side of this page . A pile of others and now i dont get to these 'do's' anymore and basically dont get to see anyone being the sad bastard i now have become , it was good to see these deadbeats n' reprobates . I eventually got home nursing a smashed forearm and a battered knee for ,and as a result of my sins, to my stricken beloved. And i s'pose thats my social blast for another year....

Wednesday, 12 January 2011


Ahhhh As the new year blasts into the new decade with freezing snow ,shootings ,soaring taxes and V.A.T,plague, disease ,floods ,pestilance; Jordan divorcing Alex Reid; Politicians begging for forgivness as they get dragged off to jail for screwing the incresingly screwed taxpayer. But its not all bad news , as LIVERPOOL F.C.'s reputation and table position plummets a miracle has happened. It might not be the second coming "He's not a messiah ,he's a very naughty boy!"......But he's a short ,big eared , slightly battered looking scot ,who may be British ,but doesnt ,as far as i can work out ,speak English.....He's back , one of L.F.C.s all time greatest players and managers, a certain Mr Kenneth Dalglish of the parish.....KING KENNY IS BACK!!!!!.....And long may he reign, i just hope the moneygrabbing bastards who run the club will bend to the will of the fans and Kenny seems up for it, let him carry on even after the season end. As he said himelf, summing up the ridiculous manager situation in football these days. "If i last 'till the end of the season i'll be the longest serving manager in the football league!"...Often a true word in jest!

Tuesday, 11 January 2011


After the disgusting over indulgencies of the festive debaucheries, it is now next year ,no, hold ,it is now the next decade. So happy new year and great new decade. I've got to get my booze- ridden; chocolate stuffed; food scoffed; telly watching unmoving sprawled (for weeks now) form into some kind of workable condition. Now i'm not talking going to the gymn to hone my body in the furnace of my will; to run marathons and equally silly things like that. Just to stand up under my own power and be able to walk the 15 feet or so to the downstairs bog'd do. I'm on a strict regime of diet and excercise......I'm changing channels twice as often on the remote control, using both thumbs and i'm down to 3 boxes of Quality street a day. And it seems to be working, the weight is falling off me. 36 stone and counting.
The family ,gawd bless us one n all have been coughing n spluttering for the last few weeks. I ,due to my regime of excercise and good healthy living have been spared ,plague ,flying pig flu and all the other festive lurgies that have beset our fine land and bunged up our health system as solid as a schoolboys snotty nose. But joking aside the LOVELY LYNNE has come down with a belter of a dose of PLEURISEY. I had 'a dose', years ago and can vouch for how much fun it is to have your inflamed lung linings ,(pleural cavities to those like me who've got biology qualifications)...rubbing against your rib cage. This results in a wonderful combination of feeling like shit and being in agony. Oh how i remember the joys of having a coughing fit whilst your lungs scrape against your ribs, as my beloved is discovering for herself even as i type.
To add to her joyous introduction to the new decade, we had booked train tickets and hotel rooms to go to London to see THE WHO in concert and go to a cartoonist do the following night. So thats up the spout....So thats how our new decade is kicking off, only 9 years 11 m0nths and a lump of days 'till the next one ,lets see how that one compares.