HAPPY NEW DECADE,I'M GETTING OVER THE FESTIVE DEBAUCHERY,I'M LOSING THE WEIGHT ..DOWN TO 36 STONE AND FALLING!

After the disgusting over indulgencies of the festive debaucheries, it is now next year ,no, hold ,it is now the next decade. So happy new year and great new decade. I've got to get my booze- ridden; chocolate stuffed; food scoffed; telly watching unmoving sprawled (for weeks now) form into some kind of workable condition. Now i'm not talking going to the gymn to hone my body in the furnace of my will; to run marathons and equally silly things like that. Just to stand up under my own power and be able to walk the 15 feet or so to the downstairs bog'd do. I'm on a strict regime of diet and excercise......I'm changing channels twice as often on the remote control, using both thumbs and i'm down to 3 boxes of Quality street a day. And it seems to be working, the weight is falling off me. 36 stone and counting.

The family ,gawd bless us one n all have been coughing n spluttering for the last few weeks. I ,due to my regime of excercise and good healthy living have been spared ,plague ,flying pig flu and all the other festive lurgies that have beset our fine land and bunged up our health system as solid as a schoolboys snotty nose. But joking aside the LOVELY LYNNE has come down with a belter of a dose of PLEURISEY. I had 'a dose', years ago and can vouch for how much fun it is to have your inflamed lung linings ,(pleural cavities to those like me who've got biology qualifications)...rubbing against your rib cage. This results in a wonderful combination of feeling like shit and being in agony. Oh how i remember the joys of having a coughing fit whilst your lungs scrape against your ribs, as my beloved is discovering for herself even as i type.

To add to her joyous introduction to the new decade, we had booked train tickets and hotel rooms to go to London to see THE WHO in concert and go to a cartoonist do the following night. So thats up the spout....So thats how our new decade is kicking off, only 9 years 11 m0nths and a lump of days 'till the next one ,lets see how that one compares.

A MERRY THINGEY N' A HAPPY NEW WOTSIT,YOU GET OVER THE BLOODY FLU N' YOU'VE GOT TO SUFFER BLOODY CHRISTMAS!!!

Yup! Here we go again, now we've gotten over having the missus blown up and the deccies're up and the tree's thistles are all over the bloody floor and its not even bloody christmas yet and the bloody trees fallin' apart. I haven't seen the Lovely Lynne in days as shes behind a heap of presents wrapping, wrapping ,endlessly wrapping...I can't see her, but i can hear her through the rustling of forest loads of wrapping paper, the snotty sneezing and full flemmed coughing and spluttering of my beloved and her 'real snorter 'of a cold. The little 'un Elara, thankfully is at my ma 'in law's ,she's got the full dose of a real dose of flu. So ,hopefully Father Christmas'll bring heaps of antibiotics, oh and some presents......(That bloody WII, that everyone is going on about....It looks like people pretending to box,play tennis or ski on a set of bathroom scales when i see the ads on the telly.)

We had a slight embarressment today. Being the wonderful neighbour i am ,i delivered a card to the nice lady next door.(Kath, if your reading this, yer lovely!)...The dog was sniffing around behind her leg as she was speaking to me, then to my horror and then gut busting laughter the bloody stupid creature, cocked his leg and pee'd down the back of her jeans. I thought i'd better make my excuses and so in the spirit of good neighbouriliness(?) i 'legged it.' I told the Lovely Lynne over the phone, so the outcome a box of After Eights originally meant for a cousin was given to Kath next door as a peace offering.

Anyhow you lot have a 'good un and if you survive the festive excess's i'll be back to bore the arse off you in the new year. I've decided that i'll be back to being a productive cartoonist/blogger next year, i can resist Sky +, I can ,i tell you!......That was another 'balls up', with the bloody Sky broadband thats why we've been off line and my wonderous ramblings have been denied you for so long. Blame them shitheads at Sky broadband ,we had some real fights with the ,laughingly called customer support people......Anyhow i'm off. A heap of reindeer shit just landed in the back garden, its nearly time for all good boys n' girls to go to bed, the rest of you ,just hit the bottle.......(hic...Buuuuurrrrpppp!!!)