STAINS;WHY DO WOMEN WANT TO ERADICATE THEM AND MEN WISH TO CULTIVATE THEM......

(Control yourself, Cathy!) One of my inciteful ,finger on the pulse blurbings, rantings and general blatherings, recently finished with my mentioning that i had to go and put my rubber gloves, flowery pinny and various househusbanding acrutiaments(jeez! i'll have to bring the dictionary in here, one day!)....And do my cleaning before the return of the Lovely Lynne from her day at doing what banking people do to help the down-trodden masses. This image of me in a flowery pinny and a pair of marigolds excited a lovely young lady,CATHY SIMPSON, of whom i have mentioned. and who's details are on my link thingey on this here very blog wot you are trolling through (but off to the right hand side of the page.). Over the last week i have filled her waking hours and maybe even her sleeping hours(it could happen) with these images and thoughts. Then a major step in our pinny based communications took place when my collection of pinny stains entered the dialogue. This is where the male ,female differences came to the fore. She made typical girly suggestions about getting the pinny washed. To which, aghast and appalled i replied that stains aren't just dirty marks....Stains are moments in time, every stain has a history. Like any geologist will tell you rock strata are from definite time periods in the history of our planet and the knowledge of the world is within these strata. Likewise the layers of my various stains tell of my time as a cartooning blog-blathering houseslave. The organic mix on the pinny's material has given the spark of life to a whole new ecosystem, judging by the scratching i do when i'm wearing it. I am the creator, am i a god?.... Or is the universe just a stain on a flowery pinny, part of another universe ,a stain on another flowery pinny? Going on and on forever, an infinity of flowery pinny's?????....(There!Who said i can't think deep thoughts!)

Cathy suggested that the Proffessional Cartoonist Organisation would cough up for a new pinny and the existing one could be displayed for the benefit of the world. I'm not sure my ethics, morals and beliefs would allow me to do this, but if there's money involved???



The only other problem is that the pinny is in a specially constructed biologically sterile bunker 500 ft below ground. Anybody who's ever seen the ANDROMEDA STRAIN will understand. Then Cathy started on about me not wearing trousers, typical woman! Here i am creating life and all she wants to talk about is sex!

A MERRY THINGEY N' A HAPPY NEW WOTSIT,YOU GET OVER THE BLOODY FLU N' YOU'VE GOT TO SUFFER BLOODY CHRISTMAS!!!

Yup! Here we go again, now we've gotten over having the missus blown up and the deccies're up and the tree's thistles are all over the bloody floor and its not even bloody christmas yet and the bloody trees fallin' apart. I haven't seen the Lovely Lynne in days as shes behind a heap of presents wrapping, wrapping ,endlessly wrapping...I can't see her, but i can hear her through the rustling of forest loads of wrapping paper, the snotty sneezing and full flemmed coughing and spluttering of my beloved and her 'real snorter 'of a cold. The little 'un Elara, thankfully is at my ma 'in law's ,she's got the full dose of a real dose of flu. So ,hopefully Father Christmas'll bring heaps of antibiotics, oh and some presents......(That bloody WII, that everyone is going on about....It looks like people pretending to box,play tennis or ski on a set of bathroom scales when i see the ads on the telly.)

We had a slight embarressment today. Being the wonderful neighbour i am ,i delivered a card to the nice lady next door.(Kath, if your reading this, yer lovely!)...The dog was sniffing around behind her leg as she was speaking to me, then to my horror and then gut busting laughter the bloody stupid creature, cocked his leg and pee'd down the back of her jeans. I thought i'd better make my excuses and so in the spirit of good neighbouriliness(?) i 'legged it.' I told the Lovely Lynne over the phone, so the outcome a box of After Eights originally meant for a cousin was given to Kath next door as a peace offering.

Anyhow you lot have a 'good un and if you survive the festive excess's i'll be back to bore the arse off you in the new year. I've decided that i'll be back to being a productive cartoonist/blogger next year, i can resist Sky +, I can ,i tell you!......That was another 'balls up', with the bloody Sky broadband thats why we've been off line and my wonderous ramblings have been denied you for so long. Blame them shitheads at Sky broadband ,we had some real fights with the ,laughingly called customer support people......Anyhow i'm off. A heap of reindeer shit just landed in the back garden, its nearly time for all good boys n' girls to go to bed, the rest of you ,just hit the bottle.......(hic...Buuuuurrrrpppp!!!)