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| IN A TIME BEFORE DELIAH SMITH !!! |
In the good ol prehistoric primevil days 10,000,000 before they invented religion n' all the shit hit the fan for the rest of eternity...And the women looked like Raquel Welsh, the groups of cave persons....Youve got to be PC even in prehistoric references...Wandered the lands as hunters killing their food with sticks n' clubs which must've been awkward for capturing a Tyrannosaurus or hairy mammoth for tea!
As they ate nothing but raw meat before they learnt how to burn it with the invention of fire, they were full of proteins and were more prone to cancer and dying as well as erectile dysfunction. One day some bearded wandering caveman looking for a dinosaur to scoff thought that a bit of Brontasaurus would taste a lot better with some chips, but he was knackered as chips are made from vegetables and vegetables hadn't been invented.
Meanwhile up in the smartarse part of the world ,in them days anyway in Egypt on the banks of the Nile there was lots of Egyptians living there and they ate fruits and berries and somebody thought that some of their food would be nice in a butty!...So they invented things like wheat and corn and invented bread and the sandwich.
Instead of wandering the land hunting they stayed by the river Nile were it wasn't all sand ,but mud and soil, they found by digging holes and putting funny coloured grass into the holes and discovered crops,i've no idea how they decided that it would be good to eat. Even more how wheat n cereal crops like they got aren't edible unless you treat and cook it into things like bread and porridge, how did the invent scottish breakfast cereal in Egypt?
They invented a sharp blade to carve trenches in the mud and called it a plough and people instead of wandering the land worked the land ,planting all kinds and vegetables were finally invented....Although they never invented the potato, the Irish did that and England invented the chip!
The hunter who run n' jumped about ,dying at an early age of bowel cancer, unable 'to get it up!' was replaced by a slower moving slightly stooped, bad tempered character with lots of muck in the grooves of their hand palms and under their jagged finger nails, chewing on bits of raw veg and later tobacco, which helped them develop the ability to spit huge globules of spit over equally vast distances with great accuracy! These very odd characters evolved into the modern farmer.
The hunters died out and the home loving farmers took root like their crops in little residences surrounded by fields full of crops , these places for farmers to live in were named 'farms!'
Over the centuries people still liked meat , they didn't become vegetarians , they liked their meat n' 2 veg ...This is probably a good thing ,apparently vegetables are good for you ,but in my own case ,although i've had very pleasant vegetable dinners , a veggie dinner gives me absolutly shockin' wind, i'm farting my brains out for a day or so. If the human race'd given up meat the planets greenhouse effect would've kicked in long long ago.
Animals moved into the farming routine and in some cases took over the routine of the farm . My family came from a dairy farm in the bogs of Ireland. Cows evolved so as to spend the day munching grass and to convert the grass via a line of stomachs to milk from ridiculousyhuge sack with 4 tits ,or udders, which allow them to be traditionally pulled by the farmers hands and a few buckets per cow a day, but now they are given a form of mechanical blow job...I'd imagine lifes not too bad for the cows. The bulls dont have it too bad either and are put into fields to 'fill their boots' with the lady cows, aside from 'spreading his seed ,a bull is used for his meat in another respect , mainly as food for us carnivourous blood dripping steak loving humans.
The wild boar has been replaced by the domesticated pig ,slopping about in his sty getting fat to be carved up for us carnivourous bacon butty loving humans !
Sheep are a strange creature whose fur has mutated so that us cold , trendy ,dapper humans can wear woolen socks ,suits ,sweaters to look dead smart and to block up the filter in your washing machine and spin dryer. When the sheep start losing their hair as all of us at a certain age the become lamb sunday dinners ,lovely ,but exspensive which i'm sure they'd be glad to know!
Horses have been tamed through the centuries ,from a form of transport ,the military had sleek stallion type horses to gallop around the land. Big hairy shire horse types were used to pull farm produce and were the workhorses, you dont really see them that much now ,the other sleek horses are for kids to ride as a hobby and as racehorses for the rich to gamble on and for those on benefits to help stay in the pub all the week, day n' night. Horses are bred n' trained on specific properties with stables and fields to leg around ,not really farms...My dad hated horses ,always said.."Bloody 'orses!..Dangerous both ends and bloody uncomfortable in the middle!"
Farmers are totally cold blooded when it comes to animals and their deaths. They devote their live 24/7 to maintaining the farm and keeping their stock healthy. My Granny would without a blink pick up a chicken in the yard and snap its neck and that was for dinner that day.
Farms have a variety of interesting smells, basically the smell of various animal shit!...I always quite liked cow muck ,not too pungent. Pigs are pungent ,but i got used to it and quite liked it, Horse shit ,just plain stinks!....May be good for the roses ,but not for me!
As they ate nothing but raw meat before they learnt how to burn it with the invention of fire, they were full of proteins and were more prone to cancer and dying as well as erectile dysfunction. One day some bearded wandering caveman looking for a dinosaur to scoff thought that a bit of Brontasaurus would taste a lot better with some chips, but he was knackered as chips are made from vegetables and vegetables hadn't been invented.
Meanwhile up in the smartarse part of the world ,in them days anyway in Egypt on the banks of the Nile there was lots of Egyptians living there and they ate fruits and berries and somebody thought that some of their food would be nice in a butty!...So they invented things like wheat and corn and invented bread and the sandwich.
Instead of wandering the land hunting they stayed by the river Nile were it wasn't all sand ,but mud and soil, they found by digging holes and putting funny coloured grass into the holes and discovered crops,i've no idea how they decided that it would be good to eat. Even more how wheat n cereal crops like they got aren't edible unless you treat and cook it into things like bread and porridge, how did the invent scottish breakfast cereal in Egypt?
They invented a sharp blade to carve trenches in the mud and called it a plough and people instead of wandering the land worked the land ,planting all kinds and vegetables were finally invented....Although they never invented the potato, the Irish did that and England invented the chip!
The hunter who run n' jumped about ,dying at an early age of bowel cancer, unable 'to get it up!' was replaced by a slower moving slightly stooped, bad tempered character with lots of muck in the grooves of their hand palms and under their jagged finger nails, chewing on bits of raw veg and later tobacco, which helped them develop the ability to spit huge globules of spit over equally vast distances with great accuracy! These very odd characters evolved into the modern farmer.
The hunters died out and the home loving farmers took root like their crops in little residences surrounded by fields full of crops , these places for farmers to live in were named 'farms!'
Over the centuries people still liked meat , they didn't become vegetarians , they liked their meat n' 2 veg ...This is probably a good thing ,apparently vegetables are good for you ,but in my own case ,although i've had very pleasant vegetable dinners , a veggie dinner gives me absolutly shockin' wind, i'm farting my brains out for a day or so. If the human race'd given up meat the planets greenhouse effect would've kicked in long long ago.
Animals moved into the farming routine and in some cases took over the routine of the farm . My family came from a dairy farm in the bogs of Ireland. Cows evolved so as to spend the day munching grass and to convert the grass via a line of stomachs to milk from ridiculousyhuge sack with 4 tits ,or udders, which allow them to be traditionally pulled by the farmers hands and a few buckets per cow a day, but now they are given a form of mechanical blow job...I'd imagine lifes not too bad for the cows. The bulls dont have it too bad either and are put into fields to 'fill their boots' with the lady cows, aside from 'spreading his seed ,a bull is used for his meat in another respect , mainly as food for us carnivourous blood dripping steak loving humans.
The wild boar has been replaced by the domesticated pig ,slopping about in his sty getting fat to be carved up for us carnivourous bacon butty loving humans !
Sheep are a strange creature whose fur has mutated so that us cold , trendy ,dapper humans can wear woolen socks ,suits ,sweaters to look dead smart and to block up the filter in your washing machine and spin dryer. When the sheep start losing their hair as all of us at a certain age the become lamb sunday dinners ,lovely ,but exspensive which i'm sure they'd be glad to know!
Horses have been tamed through the centuries ,from a form of transport ,the military had sleek stallion type horses to gallop around the land. Big hairy shire horse types were used to pull farm produce and were the workhorses, you dont really see them that much now ,the other sleek horses are for kids to ride as a hobby and as racehorses for the rich to gamble on and for those on benefits to help stay in the pub all the week, day n' night. Horses are bred n' trained on specific properties with stables and fields to leg around ,not really farms...My dad hated horses ,always said.."Bloody 'orses!..Dangerous both ends and bloody uncomfortable in the middle!"
Farmers are totally cold blooded when it comes to animals and their deaths. They devote their live 24/7 to maintaining the farm and keeping their stock healthy. My Granny would without a blink pick up a chicken in the yard and snap its neck and that was for dinner that day.
Farms have a variety of interesting smells, basically the smell of various animal shit!...I always quite liked cow muck ,not too pungent. Pigs are pungent ,but i got used to it and quite liked it, Horse shit ,just plain stinks!....May be good for the roses ,but not for me!
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