Wednesday 15 July 2009

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, HAPPEEY BIRTHDAY TO-OO MEE-EE. HAPP-EE BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!..49 NOT(quite) OUT !!!

Well, it's my birthday you ignorant shower. Maybe i overlooked the 3foot mound of envelopes on the mat inside the front door containing the mounds of birthday cards that've no doubt poured through this morning,to bring your love and respect to me on this very special day ; Give me joy n' pleasure and give the post man a hernia. On my way to the first pot of tea of the day i wouldn't have been capable of noticing a post van parked at the bottom of the stairs. But when my eyesight'kicked in' after my 3rd mug of heavily sugared tea, my 20/20 vision could see the doormat perfectly. Totally unobscured by a mass of birthday cards...YOU MISERABLE HEARTLESS BASTARDS!!!.....I am now 49 years of age , and worse than that i am now in my 50th year.....Excuse me while i go and sever some vitally important blood vessel, will ya.

I was born when the world was black n' white; The Beatles hadn't formed, you listened to Slim Whitman and Jim Reeves and Cliff Richard and Adam Faith and enjoyed it? Doctor Who wasn't even thought of. Steam engines filled Lime street station and powered past our old house. And if you went 49 years before my birth , i'd have been alive during the First World war. Oh god this is getting worse. I am now at that age where there are plenty of old people ,but wherever you go you seem to be the oldest. Thankfully i've retained my youthful good looks whereas many of you haven't. There is, ironically a shaft of sunlight beaming through the darkness...My birthday is ST SWITHINS day and when it pisses down on this day, it pisses down for 40 days and 40 nights, so enjoy my birthday..Cos its hammering down.

5 comments:

Thud said...

Happy birthday my good man...you too wereone of the young uns in our year.I just made my wife read this post sa she never believes me when I tell her the world was black and white...anyway...enjoy!

caricature lafontaine said...

Bonne Fêêêête....bonne fêêête.....bonne fête Tim......
49 only, you little baby!
Bob Lafontaine

monkey said...

happy belated birthday and its still pissing it down.

Cathy said...

49 isn't very old, Tim. You can be 49 and still be a perfect 10!

neonlighters said...

Are you sure you want to be a stand up comedian?

Check my profile out on 'friends reunited'. That will get you up to date with what I.m doing. There's also a message their for you

Best wishes Mark Porter