Friday, 18 March 2011


As our beloved leaders show themselves totally inept and incapable of doing anything of use for the occupants of these fair isles, very craftily they have shifted the crosshairs away from the important target problems to other, according to them vitally important 'stuff'. Basically saving all our lives. This will make us fit n well so we needn't have to go to doctors or hospitals, then the NHS can come crashing down around our ears and we wont even notice. Very important scientific scientists have done vital work on the effects of drink ,drugs ,greasy chips n burgers on the cholesterol bunged up vessels of the average healthy obese Brit, who even tho' he drinks ,smokes ,stuffs his face, knows its not the healthiest way to spend his rapidly reducing benefits. As the country goes to hell in a nicked Asda trolleycart; The arab world goes up in smoke ;japan hit by horrendous natural and manmade disasters, but all this is partially eclipsed by thegoverment announcing their latest attempt at saving our lives and the importance of covering the advertising labels on packs of fags! Apparently if you cant see the coloured pattern on your usual pack of 20, you'll not want to smoke anymore. And those who dont smoke ,mainly youngsters are attracted by the bright colours and before you can 'strike a light' they're on 70 a day. So the top shelf will be covered magazines, i'm a good catholic lad so i've no idea why that would be .Maybe they're car magazines and as a way of reducing the number of cars being bought ,because of pictures on the cover of glossy car mags, we reduce the carbon footprint, yeah that must be why. Then below them little white boxes with nothing written on them ,just that whatever is in them gives you cancer.
Most of my family smoked and to be honest it never particually bothered me. And later in pubs n boozers, i wasnt too bothered, passive smoking ,they called it, not saying i liked it, but it was cheaper. The problems started when my dear ol' dad went through a rough patch and for a variety of reasons spent a little time in a certain resthome called STRANGEWAYS in the fair city of MANCHESTER. It must've been wonderful for him, as it was the time when there was fighting and riots and rooftop demonstrations. The main effect was when he came out he ,like a good ex-con would smoked'SNOUT', or rolled up tobacco as you n me might call it ,or the famous ROLLEEY!......He would roll one of these things into a battered hair thin paper tube that when lit burnt more like a fuse on a stick of dynamite ,as opposed to the gentle smoulder of a normal ciggie. As the rollee fizzled away he would be rapidly rolling yet another just in time as the 2 inch column of ash from his mouth tumbled down onto the growing ash mound on his lap. He'd have a cough and promptly dissappear into this cloud of ash. But aside from all that was the smell of the bloody things, the old dog shit n bus ticket adage came to mind never mind nostrils. The worst thing about the rolleeys was that they never stopped rolling and puffin the damn things from morning 'till night. At least with the ciggies they did stop and breath air on occassions. It does strike me as funny that our glorious leaders havent mentioned loose 'baccy, maybe they're keeping that as a secret weapon for the next batch of measures in the noble proud task of the nannification of our NANNY STATE.

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