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Good hello to one and all ! This is an attempt by a poor penniless cartoonist ,and if the GOON SHOW PRESERVATION SOCIETY have anything to do with it will continue to remain a poor penilless cartoonist....Tthey begged and pleaded with me to try and visualise the insane twisted ,distorted vision of the world that the twisted,distorted mind of a certain chap called SPIKE MILLIGAN possessed never more obviosly than when he wrote a certain radio series for 'AUNTIE BEEB'...What else, but 'THE GOON SHOW'! A whole universe of total imaginary ,well ,insanity!!..The secret of the Goons was ,and is, quite simply, Milligan aimed at the listeners imagination, no explanations were given for anything ,no matter how incredible or insane it may be (theres that insane word again,i apologise ,but it just is the most apt word to describe the insanity of the Goon show, see what i mean?)....My job ,quite simply without the aid of a safety net ,CGI, or anything is to convert this imaginary world into ink,see no bother! Shouldn't take too much effort or pain??????
I dove in with the TERRIBLE REVENGE OF FRED FUMANCHU !!!.....And away we go!!!!....Be gentle with me.
We are back in the good old days of 1895 at the year of the great exhibition at Crystal Palace. It is the highlight of the whole event ....Only the concluding round of THE WORLDS INTERNATIONAL HEAVYWEIGHT SAXOPHONE CONTEST. This was a true 'Clash of the Titans'.....
From the eastern orient....
FRED FUMANCHU
And his
BAMBOO SAXOPHONE
Versus
With kilt, Shamrock,Leeks,thistle and union jack turban
English all over
MAJOR DENNIS BLOODNOK
As the competition begins FRED FUMANCHU'S symphony for a bamboo saxophone is soundly beaten by a lone'TOOT!' from a british saxophone and a rousing chorus of the not at all partisan red, white n' blue crowd of "THERE'LL ALWAYS BE AN ENGLAND,ETC,ET,".....
Not too pleased with this state of affairs our oriental friend is no longer our friend and swears(bleep!) 'Levenge on Blitish White man.
He returns to his bubbling cauldron in his rabolatory in Outer Mongolia to concoct a hellish brew, that once dlunk by stoopid white man,a single dlop will cause anything he points at to explode.
Disguised as a bottle of whiskey the hellish brew is taken to the BLOODNOK ancestral home in Hyde Park ,one of the oldest dustbins in the whole of Hyde Park. BLOODNOK recognised the oriental with bamboo saxbut wantin to be sue he was an inscrutable eastern oriental and asked had he heard of 'THE boxer rising?' ..."Only after a count of ten!", Satisfied with this answer and obvious proof that the oriental is oriental with this knowledge of all things oriental ,BLOODNOKdrinks the bottle of whisky and excuses himself for some rather alarming gastric emissions. Fred thenm offers BLOODNOK five shillings if he'll do him a favour.
....For money BLOODNOK is enslaved and complies pointng his finger at a policeman who suddenly explodes....Fred has Bloodnok in his power and under the influence of money Bloodnok blows 27,000 metal saxophones to bits ,while Birmingham put four past Arsenal....This tradgedy appalls NEDDIE SEAGOON...aka...NED OF THE (Back) YARD....As Arsenal missed a penaltyand he blames th referee, but he is onto the saxophone case and offers a 1,000 pounds reward for any help. Funnily enough our favourite fans of all things MONEY arrive cunningly disguised as EIFFEL TOWERS, but wearing anti exploding saxophone vests, no idiots are GRYTPYPE - THYNNE and his much side punched and side kicked side kick MORIARTY. After accepting an oil painting of a 300 pound cheque and getting it cashed at the ROYAL ACADEMY our heroes after discussions about qualities of refereeing at the Birmingham game are off on the trail.
Sharp as ever Ned points out that two Eiffel towers might look suspicious GRYTPYPE - THYNNE suggests Ned disguises himself as Nelson atop his portable NELSON'S COLUMN(on wheels)rendered inconspicuous by being wrapped in a cardboard replica of CHARING CROSS STATION..See what i mean about the difficulties of drawing this stuff? Cashing a further 50 pound water colour cheque at the Royal institute of water colour painters our heroes find FRED disguised as JIM..."No chinaman would have a name like Jim!"Fred/Jim is appearing at the Adelphi,Our heroes cunningly surround the building from the front and the back,thus FRED escapes from the side! They shoot and wound him as can be seen by the trail of fresh noodles and preserved ginger as Fred races for Dewsbury home to the last metal saxophone player in England.
To the strangled strains of "There's a yellow rose in Texas"MINNIE BANNISTER shrieks and howls as HENRY CRUN heats up a cauldrum trying to immunize the last saxophone with green steam .....
Ned elicits the aid of a strange son of the regiment BLUEBOTTLE, ever ready to do good with his faithful 'thing' ECCLES. Ned hands a stick of dynamite to 'Bottle' who gives it to ECCLES To light and count upon inquiring how many to counttoo, the helpful reply is?"..."Just count how long it takes then you'll know,wont you?"....ECCLES Does just getting stuck at 7 ,so asks his friend BLUEBOTTLE what comes after 7 and much to 'Bottles' disgust the two are blown to smithereens. BLUEBOTTLE demands that ECCLES "you rotten swine!" wipes his custard like remains off the wall and take him home.
After a ridiculous exchange between NED ,MINNIE and HENRY about whose at the door which i wont even attempt to illustrate, they are attacked by BLOODNOK defending his friend FUMANCHU and trying to get the metal saxaphone for him, but his loyalty is changed when NED offers more money. NED and GRYTPYPE attempt to get under FRED'S kimono to drill holes into his bamboo saxophone ,but he hears NED typing his plan and blows NED and GRYPTPYPE up as well as BLOODNOK for betlaying him.
The show finishes with WALLACE GREENSLADE selling tickets for a lecital by "FRED FUMANCHU THE WORLDS ONLY BAMBOO SAXOPHONIST....I thank you!"
That was bloody hard work, only about 300 more shows to go!!!!!!!1
