Wednesday, 13 May 2015


When you think of sport you mainly think of the three sporting staples for your average
Englishman....Football!....Or "SARKER!" as our beloved cousins across the pond like to call it. They have their own FOOTBALL where the dress up like the cast of IRON MAN 3 and play ,being Americans too the micro second as measured on an atomic clock in the super stadium, so when they tackle each other and it looks looks and sounds like them massive police car pile ups from the car chases beloved by Hollywood in billions of  action films , every second is accounted for so it's possible that a score can be 'scored'(Converted/ touched down ??) in the last 0.0000235 of a second of  time. The good ol' British version of FOOTBALL, properly spelt and pronounced "SOCCER!", or as civilised fans of 'The beautiful game in the fair city of Liverpool, where we have a number of decent teams would refer to it as,"DE FOOTY!" if your watching it ,say 'On the telly'...."Going to watch de footy, down the boozer!".....Or if your a bit more serious going "DE MATCH!" and occassionally a "DE GAME!"...As in "didj'ya see de game?"

          Our FOOTY is different to the Yanks Football as the nearest we have to their very odd idea of a game which is only played by them even though they think it's a globally loved game ,even though nobody on the planet has a clue what the fascination is with it and it is globally resented that the Americans call their big championship games things like 'THE WORLD SERIES????'.....We have a wonderful game called RUGBY where rough tough battered looking fellahs basically fill the pitch and amongst the mass of broken bodies is an oval ball which has to be retrieved by the opposing sides so the can run away to the far end of the pitch to score a try by putting the ball on the floor ,sounds simple ,but as is always the case theres about  between 14-16 big mean hefty looking monsters who dont agree with your intentions and want to stop you in the most painful bone shuddering ways they can. For a game that when you look at it is remarkably stupid in so far its a way of scoring points while keeping your skeletal system in roughly one piece, often unsuccessfully, the players are generally highly intelligent fellahs, admittedly the faces :scars, beaten eye brows ,broken noses and cauliflower ears may give them a slightly Prehistoric caveman look, but most have careers and basically are smart!....They say "Rugby is a game for hooligans played by gentlemen?"

               The 'Footy!' was once a 'mans game', the stuff of comic book heroes in 'TheVICTOR,the HOTSPUR, characters like 'ROY OF THE ROVERS!' decent proud and could hoof an old style leather caseball the length of the pitch and still burst the net at the other end!......In real life we had our 1966 world cup squad with BOBBY MOORES; GEOFF HURSTS; BOBBY CHARLTONS, ROGER HUNTS(One of Liverpools all time greats!)....They played in old leather boots ,in thick mud and went "They dun their foot in!" in a vicious tackle, which were allowed in them days all the had to get them up was an old trainer in a wooly bob-hat and a rusty bucket of freezing cold water with a freezing sponge to slap on the injury....Even broken legs didn't stop our heroes leaping to their feet rather than face the dreaded cold sponge. Nowadays the ball is plastic ,almost ballon like so when given a good whack with the new trendy pink or silver boots worn and promoted by all our new foreign players pushing 'Their ranges ' of clothing, scents and sporting goods, occassionally!...The ball goes sailing up into the stratoshere, so they have to side foot the ball, none of your 30 yard Bobby Charlton blasts with the instep , back in the days when games used to have scores of 6,7 or8 goals in a game when it was slower, but enabled superb talents to dribble in the box, No GEORGE BESTS, KEVIN KEEGANS, ROGER HUNTS, ETC, ETC now as the game is too fast, and its against the rules to tackle!!???....Players do their own stunts and dives and fall and fall flat if they get a dirty look , Nobody "oes their foot in!",anymore ,they all amage tarsals n' meta tarsels,  Groins get a lot of grief, but thats probably nothing to do with the 'Footy' or training ,its out spending their £5000000000/week wages in the best places , you wont see 'the advertising hoardings who are our childrens heroes down the local 'boozer!'.....I hate it now ,i really do!, the say about the 'Footy'...."It's a game for gentlemen played by hooligans!"

                 I was never a fan of cricket and was terriffied on the few occassions i played ,once i got the ball in the face and once on my knee ,i've never felt pain like it i was sure i'd busted my leg. The game was the most vicious of the three as the idea was for the bowler to 'get the batsman out!' any way he could only armed with a rock hard cricket ball that he's trained for years to throw at amazing speeds with a variety of sneaky ,tricky spins and turns to make it impossible for the batsman to defend himself....The bowler gets the batsman in his sights and has a run up to add to his power and it is nothing more or less than to kill the target!......Than if he doesn't manage to do that , they go through it all again and so it goes on for days and weeks. When i lived in India i got interested in the Cricket as it's an obsession over there, the kids don't play 'Footy!' ,they play cricket on patches of wasteland ,or wherever they can.  I always wonder how some of the crowd dont get killed or seriously hurt ,when the batsman whacks the killer projectile out of the ground ,for a six!...A bit of cricketing parlance for you there....But the ball sails high into the crowd and it must ,on occassions smash into somebodies gob as they watch the game in fascination and go "OOOOOhhhhhh!" at the cracker of a shot thats "Jus' gotts be a 6!"....Leaving their teeth behind in the stadium, if it's not severe concussion.

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