WHO SAYS DALEKS AREN'T 'FUNKY'...THE SKA-LEKS FROM SKA-RO CAN EXTERMINATE AND SKANK!

A wee while before the extreme excesses of the festive season kicked in proper i accompanied my missus 'The Lovely Lynne' to a very strange boozer in Oldham in manchester to see her and the rest of the hooligans and nutters that comprise the MANCHESTER SKA FOUNDATION play a 'gig'...The pub was called a very un-pub like name...AREA 51. Which as any UFO /X-FILES buff will know is where the yanks keep all the crashed alien space ships and flying saucers as well as their alien crew members who graciously help our transatlantic cuzn's to develop weapons based on alien technology. Whereas the real AREA 51 is in the middle of the desert, our AREA 51 was down a cobbled side street round the corner from some kebab and fried chicken shops which i wouldn't have been too suprised to discover had their origins in some dead alien crew members, i'm not too well up on how many alien ships make the journey across billions of light years to land in that region, but looking at a few of the people ....Quite a few!

THE MANCHESTER SKA FOUNDATION are a really good Ska cover band ,(MADNESS, THE SPECIALS,etc) and have a really good following who do follow them around quite big distances . I've gotten to know quite a few of them ,all lovely people, but totally nuts!...I looked to the side and there was a full size DOCTOR WHO'S T.A.R.D.I.S. I thought, "My the bands reputation is spreading!" I mean the good Doctor has Gasped n' Wheezed his way through time and space to get to a little back street gig.

Even more incredulous, alongside was a real genuine DALEK...It's true music can bring people together ,even eccentric time lords and gooey slimey globules with a sore throat and lousy singing voice that live inside giant pepper pots.

But the love of music didn't end there ,as alongside was a real CYBERMAN standing placidly by his worstest enemies in the whole galaxy

It didn't end there as alongside them minding his own buisness was 'ROBBY THE ROBOT' from 'LOST IN SPACE'.....He'd found his way through space ,but was lost in Oldham, don't ask me which is better or worse.  Oldham and the AREA 51 started to pale as it proved absolutly impossible to get served at the bar. Our interstellar Ska-Fans mustn't be drinkers as they placidly stood and listened to the 'gig', meanwhile there was almost mass 'Exterminations!' at the bar as people were trying and failing miserably to get served.

Although the T.A.R.D.I.S. was there, there was no sign of the DOCTOR. I think he was inside sulking....He'd travelled through billions of years , billions of light years and couldn't even get a bloody pint of GUINNESS at the end !

SHOULD JONATHAN WHOSSY,BE GIVEN THE SONIC SWEWDWIVER AND BE THE NEW DR WHOssy?

Somewhere in the far flung reaches of the galaxy, on an alien planet, on a B.B.C.-owned rock quarry, the quiet and stillness is broken by an asthmatic wheezing sound as a blue 1950's police telephone box materialises on the rocky floor. The doors open and from the amazingly large interior, loud schoolboy squeals n' giggles can be heard. Then a tall man with a strange tight suit and a very loose haircut stumbles out. This exiled wanderer(without pay) in space n' time is, Doctor Whossy. He isn't alone he has a black hairy alien assistant/ pet with him, skipping along waving his arms about manically, this is a Russell from the planet Brand. They make an odd couple in this seemingly deserted alien B.B.C. backlot. They are giggling as they have just brought the universe to the verge of war, as they have been leaving obscene messages to the DALEK answer phone on the Dalek homeplanet of Skaro. The Emperor Dalek was particually upset with references to a sexual encounter the Doctors hairy pet is supposed to have had with DAVROS, the creator of the Daleks. The repercussions have reverberated throughout the known universe, complaints have poured into the Time Lords on the Doctors home planet of Gallifrey from all kinds of various lifeforms;Cybermen,Sontarens, Sea Devils, even conservative M.P's. The spaceways're filled with bandwagons that various howling (political,not intelligent) lifeforms are all jumping on. While all this goes on the TARDIS(Time And Relative Dimensions In Space) vanishes off into the vortices of space and time manned by two other TARDOS'S( Tossers And Real Dimwits On Suspension). Maybe oneday the Doctors lost wanderings and mischiefmaking will end and he will finally return home to the chatshow from whence he came. As for Russell, give him a venusian banana, that should keep him happy for a good while and inspire some odd jokes to pad out the material for the sketch that this will all become when he takes it 'on the road for his next tour.