Friday, 11 September 2009


Now that a suitable period of mourning has passed since the sad loss of poor old Buster. Life, has settled into its usual parade and collection of tedium ,frustration and general irritants and annoyances. As you all know, on the whole i'm a pretty wonderful person. Theres always a smile. Just not quite sure where it is. I've looked everywhere for it, under cupboards, back of couches, but can't quite find it at the moment. So i'm making do with an old scowl i used to wear a lot when i was younger. But there is something that would wipe the smile off my face, if i had it. And even the scowl isn't enough to express my total, complete and utter anger and irritation of this 'thing' that 'gets on my tits', every single morning as i sit there with my toast and boiled for 4 minutes, precisely pair of eggs, in front of the telly.

Well may you ask what can drive such a sweetheart as lovely Tim, to the edge of sanity and the verge of total murderous rage. Well, even if your not interested i'm going to tell you. There is a channel called COMEDY CENTRAL on the SKY network. And as with all the sky channels, its constant repeats .And if by some amazing way you manage to miss the 475th repeat of ,'whatever', there' s a whole set of the same channel with a +1, after the name so you can watch the repeat, again an hour later.????.....I turn on comedy central ,or sometimes comedy central+1 an hour later depending when i'm having my breakfast. Its all Yank sit-coms, but one i like is FRASIER. But, before that is a thing called TELESHOPPING. This has been on most of the night, but whenever you turn it on theres always women in fitness bikini-like gear with socks and trainers and headbands. With them is a fellah with a bikini-like affair showing his 6-pack. The two of them comparing a variety of twisted metal frame things that you rock and pull on; machines you push, pull, curl, extend, step,cycle, and a variety of other unatural bodily functions to get the most of your tummy(Abs, as they call it in the body beautiful trade) ,biceps, triceps, quadraceps and tone all the other muscles and ligaments you dont pull or wrench. But, suddenly all this stops and is replaced by this COMEDY CENTRAL logo slowly bouncing around the screen as one of those symbols on your computer screen when you leave it for a while. This moving is accompanied by some kind of single banjo note being twanged once at a time. Now this might not seem like much to you, but it drives me F**k'in' nuts!... Try it for a few mornings. And if you don't find yourself smashing your boiled egg to a yellow and white mess splattered over the table and walls of the room, your a better man than i, Gungah Din!


Cathy said...

Right, now, Tim of mine ...

Breathe in, slowly. Hold. For one second, before breathing out again, as slowly as you can. Imagine a balloon slowly deflating. Then breathe in again, slowly ... and so on ... calm, calm CALM CALM !!!!!! calm, no, Tim, just stop bouncing off the ceiling this minute, and get calm.

Oh well. At least I tried.

I'm concerned that you talk about your tits in the same sentence as you describe a pair of perfectly boiled eggs. I find this disturbing. Not sure why.


Thud said...

No sky here...illegal downloads yes...I'm a stingy bugger.

Tim Leatherbarrow said...

I deflated calmly ,but the lovely Lynne lost her calm when the loud "PPHHHAAAARRRRTTTTTTTTT!" noise started me bouncing around the room, spilt me tea and knocked the real plastic Buddah bought from Jackie Chans shop outside Hong Kong, off the mantlepiece.
The eggs n' tits can be explained by the lions tatooed on my mothers breasts, deeply scarred me ,they did.
And you Jamie Thud!..Don't you read those 40 minutes of screen writing before every film warning you in 36 different languages about illegal downloads and piracy (Although i've never quite figured what stealing and raping n' pillaging on the high seas has got to do with watching DVD's)...I wont tell on you this time ya cheapskate.....But you got any good stuff?
Honest as the day is green Tim xx