Thursday, 14 October 2010

AAH THE SWEET SMELL OF BAD BREATH AS IT BLISTERS THE WALL PLASTER!!!

A couple of weeks ago me n' my beloved family hit the fair city of LIVERPOOL. I was going for a pint or six with some ol' muckers, while THE LOVELY LYNNE and THE SHORT ARSED ONE were going to do some shopping. On the way we stopped at a place called FRANKIE N' JOHNNIES for a bite to eat. All very nice and tasty it was too. Afterwards we carried on our journey into 'the fair city'. I met up with the arse'oles who comprise my friends and started guzzlin' n' gabbing the usual rubbish as we strove to put the world to rights. Another mate arrived a little later and made a remark about somebodies breath stinkin'. I hadn't noticed anything untoward or overly pungent. It has to be said ,there was a reason for this. The rancid respirator was 'yours truly'. It was some spices or garlic in the snack that we'd had. Very embarressing ,but on the bright side as it was me ,i didnt have to smell my rancid breath.

It reminded me of times long past when we'd all put our suits on ,collars n' ties, even blow dry your hair after a long bath. And fish around in the laundry basket for the least smelly socks.....We were going 'clubbin' and we were 'coppin' off'....I remember swaggering into town and posing at the bar, the 'bee's knee's'. But on the odd Friday my sister used to cook the tea and she'd discovered GARLIC!... .So, as i addressed my partners in drink ,sin n' debauchery, "A'right , lads!"......"Effin' hell! you been eatin' garlic or dog shit or somethin'?"......I would roll my eyes , bite me tongue ,yank my tie off, and consider f**in' off home. But 15 packets of extra strong mints 30 pints of GUINNESS , and some of YATES WINE LODGE'S, 'god awful 'OZZY WHITE', a licensed paint stripper which removed the lining of your tongue , oesophagus and stomach ,even garlic couldnt resist .I think it did the job ,funny thing was , we still never 'copped off'!

17 comments:

Thud said...

No surprise in not coping off.I'm just surprised that after all that ozzie white you could even walk or talk.

Tim Leatherbarrow said...

I'm not too sure about comments about my coppin' off abilities . But the walking n' talkin' after some 'ozzy whites', was a form of walkin' n' talkin' ,but not as we know it, incorporating slurring and sideways wobbling. A technique which took some mastering in its own right over a number of years.

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Tim Leatherbarrow said...

Hi Nency
Not quite sure what your saying. But as far as drawings go on this excuse for a blog, i wont do anything unless theres an illustration for it. Thats why i, sometimes go without anything for a wee while ,'till i can get my arse into gear. At the moment i'm doing an art course ,believe it or not ,and will bore the arse off y'all when i get a chance. I think .effort wise i do put a lot of work into this rubbish ,as virtually all 'the artwork 'is for the blog, as i'm not getting stuff published these days. Anyhow ,let me know if i've answered your query, and i'm glad you enjoy this crap n' bullshit.
Tim

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