AAH THE SWEET SMELL OF BAD BREATH AS IT BLISTERS THE WALL PLASTER!!!

A couple of weeks ago me n' my beloved family hit the fair city of LIVERPOOL. I was going for a pint or six with some ol' muckers, while THE LOVELY LYNNE and THE SHORT ARSED ONE were going to do some shopping. On the way we stopped at a place called FRANKIE N' JOHNNIES for a bite to eat. All very nice and tasty it was too. Afterwards we carried on our journey into 'the fair city'. I met up with the arse'oles who comprise my friends and started guzzlin' n' gabbing the usual rubbish as we strove to put the world to rights. Another mate arrived a little later and made a remark about somebodies breath stinkin'. I hadn't noticed anything untoward or overly pungent. It has to be said ,there was a reason for this. The rancid respirator was 'yours truly'. It was some spices or garlic in the snack that we'd had. Very embarressing ,but on the bright side as it was me ,i didnt have to smell my rancid breath.

It reminded me of times long past when we'd all put our suits on ,collars n' ties, even blow dry your hair after a long bath. And fish around in the laundry basket for the least smelly socks.....We were going 'clubbin' and we were 'coppin' off'....I remember swaggering into town and posing at the bar, the 'bee's knee's'. But on the odd Friday my sister used to cook the tea and she'd discovered GARLIC!... .So, as i addressed my partners in drink ,sin n' debauchery, "A'right , lads!"......"Effin' hell! you been eatin' garlic or dog shit or somethin'?"......I would roll my eyes , bite me tongue ,yank my tie off, and consider f**in' off home. But 15 packets of extra strong mints 30 pints of GUINNESS , and some of YATES WINE LODGE'S, 'god awful 'OZZY WHITE', a licensed paint stripper which removed the lining of your tongue , oesophagus and stomach ,even garlic couldnt resist .I think it did the job ,funny thing was , we still never 'copped off'!

WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE,BUT THERES NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT AS ITS ONLY A WORSE CASE SCENARIO!!!

" SO YOU SEE,PRIME MINISTER, UNLIKE ALL THE OTHER TARGETS YOU'VE FAILED TO MEET...FAILING TO MEET THIS ONE WILL BOOST YOUR APPROVAL RATINGS IMMEASURABLY!!!"




Over the last couple of days ,all those serious looking newsreaders have been telling us how hundreds of thousands of people are going to be killed by the swine flu pandemic sweeping the world faster than anything ever.....But then ,with a smile ,it's pointed out that this isn't nessecerally going to happen and this is 'ONLY(!)..A WORST CASE SCENARIO????"....Oh well thats a relief then, nothin' to worry about. All those out there popping their clogs is just bad luck. But thinking about it, its an act of genius by the politicians.

All this time the bunch o' shit'eads who congeal in that building with the big clock have been showing how totally useless they are at running the country by making targets and then totally failing to come within a million miles of reaching them. Their little graphs, etc, the lines instead of reaching the top of the page dont even get far above the baseline. But what they've decided to do ,instead of trying to reach these proposed positive targets. They have announced a negative target. The 'Worst case scenario'......It scares the shit out of everybody. Then, when this point isn't reached, everybody gasps a gasp of relief and praise is heaped upon our glorious leaders for guiding us through this potential disaster.

This (WCS) can apply to anything from the economy.The whole country could crash and millions would be out on the streets, but only thousands suffered,"God, bless the goverment". Sport; The Ashes....(WCS),England get slaughtered by the Aussies...So, if we get away with a mere battering ,or a good hammering, thats alright then. In fact it becomes a victory of sorts. Being British a victory is quite often a 'not too bad beating', rather than an outright victory.

You can expect a(WCS) for the Olympic stadium. Costing squillions of tax pounds, so when it only costs billions of tax pounds, we've got a bargain. The same principal for the boys fighting in Afghanistan. When we dont lose the (WCS) number of men, the goverment can say we told you so,we're winning, and they didn't need extra helicopters....Personnally i think every time a politician opens their mouth, its a case of worse case scenario.