Tuesday, 19 May 2009


Last Saturday night it was that time of the year ,again. That night of the year when i always seem to have nothing else to do and nowhere to go and do it and i have no escape or excuse to avoid the EUROVISION SONG CONTEST.....The Lovely Lynne won't allow me to put a single SUPERCAR dvd on, so i have to watch it with her. As it went on i read a book on Jack the Ripper, which has been solved by an ex-detective, apparently 'Jack' was a German sailor caught and executed for murder in the U.S. But the horrors inflicted by Jack paled when compared to some of the acts on the Eurovision, i thought. But, i always think that. Fair enough there was some good warbling and some tasty lasses doing the warbling. But whenever the fellahs came on, i felt like smacking them, esspecially that young Norwegian that won. I thought the song that was written by Ronan Keating was great, the fellah should work as a Ronan Keating impersonator. He's lucky, unlike the Elvis impersonators, they don't have the real man to coach them, whereas he's got ol' Ronan to hone the Ronan clone to perfection.

Then we had the UNITED KINGDOM(nil pwoint).....Whereas every other country fielded their biggest stars, we Brits in the true spirit of Eurovision got our amateur from a reality game show hosted by a certain A.Lloyd Webber(songs, stageshows for all the family, for any occassion). On she comes our prospective little starlet warbling on about "This is her night". Drifting across to one of the violinist hacking away at his violin with the horse hair bow who promptly belts her in the microphone, which hits her in the mouth. It was at this point i fell off the chair laughing, so i think i missed her getting a nudge from the second violinist she wandered/stumbled across to. The last violinist must've seen what had transpired and turned his waving fist,elbow and bow away from our battered and beaten but still warbling heroine bouncing pin-ball-like around the stage. I thought she sang with a bit of a lisp, but it was probably where a chipped tooth pierced her lip. I tell you its dangerous work this singing in Eurovision song contests. I included this second violin cartoon not only to show how wonderful i am, but to show that real life isn't that far from the 'silly' world of cartoons... I don't know which is sillier the cartoons or Eurovision.

I'll also bet that the politicians, gawd bless 'em breathed a sigh of relief when 'our girl ' didn't win. If she had, we would've had to stump up for the Eurovision song contest, next year. We can't afford Eurovision song contests and politicians expences, as well.


Cathy said...

Well said, Tim, especially the bit about not having to host the thing next year. I sank into a depression when we got the 2012 Olympics, but I'm all right now.

Tim, tell me - do you only have the one pinny? Is that why it keeps its stains - because you'd be indecent if you washed it (not that I'm suggesting that the lack of trousers is exactly keeping you decent at the moment).

If so, would you like the PCO members to club together to buy you another one? I'm sure there'd be plenty of support for this venture!

Tim Leatherbarrow said...

Typical woman! All you think about is the hygenic aspect of stained pinny's... don't you realise each of those stains is a part of history and a record of my development as a sad perverted pinny wearing rubber gloved cartooning househusband/slave...The stains are akin to rock strata, each level/tells details of a time long past....And you would wash this treasure trove of antiquity away...My ol' Irish granny used to say about me, "Dat boy he's not daysent!".
Indecent n' proud
Tim xxxx

Cathy said...

I take it that's a 'no' then ...!

Cathy said...

Now then, young Tim, you've had a little time to go away and think about this. All those stains can be digitally sampled and replicated, possibly for exhibition in museums in the UK and abroad, but you need not keep the original ones.

This is common with heritage sites where the pressure of tourism can be damaging to the fabric of the original; visitors can experience the general ambience of the monument but without causing it any trauma.

The application here is obvious: all those stains can be recorded, catalogued, documented and tastefully displayed. With an audio guide if appropriate. Health warnings may need to be issued of course, depending on the nature of the funding body. But this would enable the original garment to be washed, thereby greatly enhancing the image of you as househusband - which you clearly cherish. I am sure the PCO would still be willing to have that whip-round to buy you an alternative pinny whilst the old one is undergoing forensic examination.

What do you say, Tim? I say, Tim, are you still with me? ....Tim? ...Tim?