Friday, 14 August 2009

ME WWW.TARZAN.OT.APES.COM....YOU..WWW.JANE.OT.SEXYBIKINI.COM...


In reply to a comment from the lovely Cathy Simpson about me being her lord of the jungle, the lovely lady doesnt realise how close she is to the truth. When i lived in India i spent a little time exploring jungles and forests. I gave a few good RON ELY ,TARZAN calls ,which in the telly series would've had the jungle stampeding. But some bird just fluttered away from me. It's not that easy being king of the jungle. And you never meet those cute little chimps like Tarzans friend CHEETAH. The apes were nasty dirty flea-infested shit covered pains ,best kept well away from. When we lived in Malaysia the compound we lived on was the stomping ground of an aged bad tempered baboon type ape and there was nothing nice about him. He went for a few people , including me .I belted him with a plastic chair and henceforth we just sneered at each other. A friend of ours was sitting on a settee in the living room, reading a paper when his missus came out of the bathroom. He thought she'd been sitting beside him, when she advised him to carefully look to the side, he carefully looked up to see this bloody baboon sitting on the settee picking at his snack, he, then not so carefully shifted very sharpish. The compound security people went to "stun him, sir!".....They certainly did that, stunning us as well, by blowing his bloody head off. So i wasn't a king of the apes either
One thing about being an EXPAT, is that wherever you go people are always giving you business cards, telling you to get in touch. Expats seem a lot more relaxed and funnily enough quite often mean it about getting in touch. I know Tarzan has a holder for his knife, but where does he keep his business cards? I mean you can't be king of the jungle and the apes and not have some cards printed, its bad bizniz!!!!

3 comments:

Cathy said...

But you always struck me as the type who could leap tall buildings at a single bound and all that sort of thing, Tim!

It was interesting hearing about your neighbours, though...!

Cathy said...

P.S. Did you like my gardening column in Foghorn?

Tim Leatherbarrow said...

The problem is theres no tall buildings in Warrington and the dogs get upset when i zoom off into the wild blue yonder and they're still on their leads....I have clutched a fresh roll of bog paper and the new foghorn and am going to retire to catch up on the latest horticultural news. Its expected as i was supposed to look like Alan Titchmarsh in many peoples minds. Actually i have got green fingers as i type this rubbish, as i've just come in from cutting the grass
UhhhhArrrrrr(as us gardners say)
Greenfingered Tim xx