Friday, 9 October 2009


Once long ago the world rang to the crack of rocks being hit together or cracking animal skulls. Then as stuff got harder and sharper man invented wood and metal and the world echoed to the splintery wooden sounds ofwooden things, and rang to the clangy metallic sounds of metal things that these simple folks made their tools and weapons from . But not now! Now, everything goes 'BLEEP!'... This bleep will then be followed by another 'BLEEP!'....And yet more Bleeps and on and on it goes . Where once Bleeps were part of Science Fiction comics and films. Bleeps used to launch rockets or detonate atom bombs, basically something bold and exciting. But now the once impressivly dramatic BLEEP!..Is no more. It is a mere Bleep on every single electronic item in the world. Telly', Dvd's,computers, Telephones, etc, etc, etc.....But BLEEPSVILLE has got to be the supermarket.A cacophony of bleeps ,making it impossible to speak or think.
As me n' the missus stand at the checkout, the assistant , her hands a blur shovels the 'stuff' past the till,emitting just a sonic explosion of Bleeps, meanwhile she's passing receipts and various cards and tickets all accompanied by bleeps to my missus. Who while juggling and packing the shopping is inserting credit cards where they should be inserted, with Bleeps. And tapping numbers with loads of Bleeps. And while this blur of activity and bleeping goes on , she holds two conversations...One with the checkout girl and the other to me. This is about stuff like.."Dont put the eggs under the dog food ..Don't put the grapes under the house bricks, or whatever, etc, etc"....This amazing display is, apparently a new discovery ,or just 'the norm' given a new name ...MULTI-TASKING.
Apparently men can't multi-task. This is obviously rubbish. Ok, women can be busy little bees around the house and shops, but this is all physical stuff,almost an automotive- reflex action, just turn on the switch and off they jolly well go. Whereas we men are more cerebral in our multi-tasking. The other night i was reading an X-MAN comic on a cd dicc on my lap top,watching t.v drinking a glass of wine, thinking of a cartoon idea and scratching my crotch. As well as grunting at the missus in response to whatever she was going on about. And none of my activities involved any bleeps...oh the telly remote and my lap top with the comic disc did ....OH(BLEEP BLEEP!) IT !!!!
(HA! Magazine


Cathy said...

Actually, most women can multi-task. I can't. Most women are crap at spatial tasks. I'm not, nor do I have any difficulty reading maps. A long time ago I realised that I'm wired up like a fairly typical bloke.

But I'm glad I haven't got a beard.

Anyway, young spiritually uplifted Tim of mine, trying Tai Chi actually sounds like a rattling good idea... will follow this up ...

Yours, the mistress of the knob gag

Tim Leatherbarrow said...

I imagine you can do many wonderful things in open spaces. No beard, eh ,but as long as you've hairy legs n' armpits...Seriously give the ol' Tai-chi a go, stick with it, and after a period of what the f**k's this all about and you get the hang of it it's great. believe me ,i've been there.
Ever suffering king of the hedge titters xxxxxxx

Anonymous said...

Amazing.....last time I tried Tai-chi it came foil wrapped from a takeaway and elicited exactly the response you describe. Never quite managed to get the hang of it though. Too much balance and meditation before you get stuck in to some real action. Not for me the dizzy heights of a black-belt, all I could manage was a snake-belt in telephone box fighting. Likely to be off-line (again) soon due to activities beyond regailing tea-tray tales. Hope yr forthcoming adventure goes without mishap. Wouldn't like your boss (L) to upset her boss due to an inebriated slip-up on your part. If the pool's green, you'll have some explaining to do. Enjoy !!! Best regards, the astronaut & gang.

Tim Leatherbarrow said...

You obviously are not blessed with that special self awareness, balance and meditative capabilities to allow you to eat take aways in phone box's.....Do they still have phoneboxs in Astronaut- land? When we still had phoneboxes, i still remember the mess from take aways that were left behind.
Have already been subjected to less than veiled warnings from 'the guv'nor' about messing up her 'guv'nors' place. I'm on best behaviour, which hasn't filled her with much confidence.
Anyhow, thrill seeker, whatever belt your wearing, all the best to the Astronuts!

Thud said...

Tai chi...known around out house as chinese practised by several older inscrutable in laws.

Cathy said...

Darlingest Timbo. I asked you to be my friend on Facebook and you haven't responded. Have I been disrespectful, or over-familiar or anything? Have I been telling too many dirty jokes?

Tim Leatherbarrow said...

Ah californian wine growing Thud-lad!
Tai-chi ,chinese pushing at the outhouse, sounds like oriental constipation......
And Cathy-poos how could i ever take offense or anything or not be deeply honoured by your offer of friendship from your beautious self and your gerbils..
slow to respond Tim xxx