Friday, 8 August 2014


                When you go out on a night on the'razzle' us Brits tend to go for it in our time honoured fashion which, basically consists of going into a crowded room and guzzling as much drink as is inhumanly possible. The beer consists of two types, basically ,lagers which are gaseous and the darker thicker stouts which are sludgey!!!.....Wether we force gaseous liquids or thick sludge under increasing pressure into our system ,after a bit ,in it's own special way the body starts to make its discomfort known in a variety of recognisable ways to both the person involved and ,unfortunatly for those sharing their company. 

The symptoms of this physical rebellion against high pressure liquids and gasses forced into the body consist of the emission of high pressure noxious gasses, commonly known as 'farts!'...Rumbling guts and the high pressure emission of the bladder and ocassionly the stomach contents. Not pleasant at all!

But somewhere a scientist sliding down a toilet cubicle wall after the suffering described above put the hard learned lessons to good use and developed the theory that would lead to the process known as FRECKING!

In theory if you force high pressure liquids and gas into anything ,something has got to give and something will come out the other end????

So one day up in the drinking capital of the country around the North West where we understand the principles involved in drinking to excess ,so FRECKING sounded like just giving the ground a drink ...Our green n' pleasant land has sustained us for long enough and deserves a wee drinkie!

So high pressure fluids were forced deep into the ground and like its human counterparts gas and fluids were emitted in the form of gas and oil, which to the politicians and fuel companies was 'absolutly super!' As pound signs filled their eyes and minds, so enraptured with the financial boom that the good ground had peed ,burped and farted out they were quite happy to dismiss the 'rumblings!'?

The boozed up lands 'rumblings' took the form of a mild earthquake!.....But it was only 'mild!' so , of course thats ok!....But considering the area isn't exactly 'The Pacific Rim ' not known for fault lines; Volcanic activity and general drastic seismic disasters suddenly has an earthquake after a good night on the 'Freck!'....Understandebly the locals who sat watching their cups n' saucers rattling on their shelves were understandebly perturbed by the ussually reliable floor suddenly taking it upon itself to bounce and rattle and even crack slightly. But ,of course those who know better reassured us there was nothing to worry about. Even when our cuz'n's in the U.S. reported a drastic increase in seismic house rattling ground shaking earthquakes due to increase in 'Frecking'....The yanks in charge are even more worse money grabbing bastards then our lot so the 'people' were ignored and on it goes!

As we all know we have a special relationship with 'our cuz'n's'......That means our goverment want to be quids/dollars in with the powers that be in Washington, so it would be in all our benefit to keep them happy and ,funnily enough an announcement was made for the go ahead for licenses to be awarded for Fracking operations to take place all over our green n' pleasant land.....They stressed that areas of natural beauty will be spared which leaves the rest of the country to look like those Texas oilfields with nothing ,but pumps and smoke and fire as far as the eye can see.

When you drink a lot you get a beer belly...I magine the country with one huge expanding beerbelly.....Probably around Birmingham ,which will rise above the surrounding countryside, a little like Yellowstone park which is swelling and one day likely to explode in a huge volcanic eruption.....Some say that Brum exploding wouldn't be a bad thing, but it would disrupt the hi-speed rail link ,the other bright idea!

When you see Marilyn Monroe with that draft up her gusset shot that could be happening all over as gas spurts up the new faults and cracks in our pavements from our constantly rumbling frecked out green bits and totally unpleasant land!

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