THIS PANDEMIC COULD BE THE REBIRTH OF MORRIS DANCING WITH CLEAN HANKIES!

"The new lad, he's not from round here is he?" As PAUL SIMON once said, "For Cathy wherever i may find her.", or something like that. This cartoon is dedicated to the loveley CATHY SIMPSON. A freelance illustrator to be found on her well worth a visit website at:

http://www.cathysimpsonillustration.com/ Cathy left a comment on my previous rambling about dancing men in Manchester waving hankies. It struck me that as everybody on the planet is going to die from a mexican swine flu pandemic within days or weeks, or definitly before the next footy season. We need something to take our mind off our ills n' troubles. SONG, DANCE and CLEAN HANKIES , along with grown men drinking a lot and hitting each other with sticks( and thats not just the dancers).The MORRIS DANCER would seem to fit the prescription bill for your flu antibiotics admirably. The pandemic could bring about the rebirth of the MORRIS DANCER. There y'go, as they say when times look bad,' every cloud has .......Another cloud trailing along behind it'

PIGS MIGHT FLY, BUT THE SWINE FLU !

Catch it !

Bin it !

Kill it !

.......There you go .The swine flu pandemic ,sorted. The Flu-fighters spent millions on getting the brains behind ;'Go to work on an egg"; "Snap, crackle n' pop"!; "Put a tiger in your tank"; "The Milky Bar kid", etc, etc....To get to work on fighting the flu-pandemic. Not with drugs ,or medical facilities n' stuff, no something a lot more powerful and effective a 'SNAPPY SLOGAN' ...I sneezed last night, the Lovely Lynne asked me if i had swine flu, but it wasn't flu, but i am a swine. And i didn't sneeze with a spanish/mexican accent ("El -koff-o !....El- sneeze-o !"), so the pandemic hasn't hit our house yet. Mind you, it is funny that for years mexican food has been killing peoples guts, now a few runs from the upper levels of the body, the nose as opposed to the 'other end' and the world flies into a panic.

The Lovely Lynne had to go to a meeting about the pandemic, i suggested, "just for research purposes", you understand, she wears a sombrero, a poncho , swigging a bottle of Tequila . Then in the middle of Manchester sneezes. Just to see the reaction.

HOW MANY POLITICAL HITS CAN AN AVERAGE BELOW AVERAGE PRIME MINISTER TAKE ?

I have always hated politics and politicians, but they do hold a fascination for me. The whole lot of 'em, are rotten slimey shitheads out for what they can get , using their beliefs, sincerity(when interviewed) and sense of whats right for the people of this country to excuse the total F***k- up' s they cause these days on an almost daily basis. The cash crisis rolls on; Mp's are going to be paid to attend' the house' ,basically getting paid' to go to work', on top of the exorbitant wages they get for doing bugger all, already. The possibility of a flu-pandemic is growing, but the goverment will spend millions on pamphlets telling us all to put our hands over our mouth when we sneeze. Then they wont have to reopen the wards they've closed, as we'll be ok as we've followed their advice. But just in case they'll give 'the suits' that have infected the NHS, a heap of money to get outside contractors in, to supply fresh flowers and tissues in case some sick people brave the queues and go to hospital. If there is a pandemic, like 'the Survivors' telly series, the politicians will be safe in a bunker with their husbands watching their collections of goverment bought porn DVD's. On and on it goes...We had the earnest young tossers and spin doctors with TonyBlair known as 'Blairs Babes'.....Now we've got a similar bunch of tossers getting caught out,for their sins and screwing their system(with the backing of the British people, so they all say.) and resigning almost weekly. But apologising for 'their mistakes', not offences, mistakes ...Blairs Babes are now Browns Boobs. How many political hits can he take, i'd like to try him out a few political 'smacks in the gob;'headbutts on the nose; A knee in the nuts.....It's a dirty rough game politics.

SERGEANT PEPPERS LONEL HEARTS CLUB BAND, AND BENNIE AND THE JETS ARE ALL SKINT.

We live in seriously terrible frightening times. The world survived bird flu, now we're on the virge of a killer dose of pig flu or swine flu which is going to wipe us all out. So that has helped take our mind of the credit crunches; Financial meltdowns ; Broken banking systems . A financial system hit by a disease caused by a similar cause ,Swines, fat pigs, etc, or bankers and politicians, as they are better known. But it has all finally really taken hold. The normal working people ,thats us ,at the bottom of the pile, we dont warrant much sympathy from those who 'run or ruin the show.' But now the news has reached me that the suffering has spread furthur afeild to those who really need their massive amounts of money. Paul McCartney and Elton John are now not as high up in the worlds richest people top 10, as they once were. This is truly a sad state of affairs when these heroes and icons must be forced to take their destinies in their own hands. Sergeant Pepper's lonely hearts club band and Bennie and the jets have joined together to work their way out of this depression. I believe they're playing round the side of the Tesco garage, by the Spar shop on the main pedestrianised precinct in Widnes. The reformed Genesis are playing after the Bingo on the nights when the line dancing club aren't using the church hall in Haverford West. The Who were playing in the tunnel between platform 1-3 and platform 4-5 at Warrington Bank Quay station. But they got thrown out when Townshend broke a guitar and the neck hit an old lady getting her pensioners railcard checked at the ticket desk.
U2 were asked to leave the Asda carpark in Slough, as they were in the way of the trolley collectors. And i've heard that the Indigo2 concerts for Michael Jacksons' come back, 'i need to pay off my debts tour' have been transfferred to Acton working mens club.

SWEAT,SNOT,FLEM,WHEEZING LUNGS LIKE BAGS OF FROG SPAWN, YES , FOLKS ITS THAT FUN PACKED FLU-TIME OF THE YEAR. !

Yes, it's that time of the year! It starts of easily enough the throat is a little tight and your voice sounds a little husky, and even (possibly) you might be in for a bit of 'lurve'in' from your beloved due to your movie star vocals. But this is highly unlikely, so as the days pass the throaty, husky sound is replaced by a squeaky tone as the lining of the throat is ripped off by deep racking coughs ,which you pull from the soles of your feet to scrape the length of that itchy irritating windpipe. At night any sympathy your dearly beloved may have had for you is rapidly dissipated if not totally extinguished by a combination of,Racking coughs ;Wheezing lungs, which, sound like the dogs squeaky toy with a variety of different squeaks n' sqwarks as you inhale or exhale :The snorting and sniffing as you try to get life helping oxygen into your flem filled lungs. This inability to breath through the nose leads to holding the mouth wide open and exacerbates what, i have reliably been informed through the many happy years of my marriage to 'The Lovely Lynne', my amazing snoring ability.



Then, the daylight hours. The problems encountered have a slight twist.Plastered in sweat ,steam coming out of your collar, sleeves and socks. Your sprawled out on the couch watching the telly. (Just recently, we had Sky+ fitted, its great, so i'm watching recorded films and television series and haven't watched an advert in weeks. Quite frankly, the flu can stay as long as it wants.) But ,from time to time, i feel like i've swallowed a housebrick ,it wont go down so its got to come out. When we were at school, horrible snotty little bastards we were. We would 'Gob', anywhere. We would also take great pride in the size of this great green glutinous mass we'd just 'Gobbed onto the deck. The girls were often quite impressed too. The fascinating thing is, in an average day i can 'cough up'(..Don't Gob, now i'm all grown up)..About x5 my body weight in snot n' flem. I thought i could put it to good use and build a sculpture, a little like Richard Dreyfuss moulding that mountain with all that mud in 'Close Encounters of the Third Kind'. But, i could do a sort of 'Collossus of Rhodes 'standing astride guarding the front drive of the house in dryed out crystalline snot n' flem.(A Flemish masterpiece?...no?,ok then). I can see it now 50 feet tall in Emerald green. The Lovely Lynne wasn't keen though, she's happy with a rockery.





Last night the telly had a new series'Survivors' about a bunch of gorgeous trendy, with it young actors who survive a Flu-pandemic that wipes the rest of us, that aren't as good looking enough to appear in the increasingly cliche'd casts of every sci-fi, cop.spy telly series that they 'bang out'. Basically every series made in the last few years has got to have a young pretty,but feisty,with attitude(etc,etc,) cast with the correct levels of sexual and ethnic representations in the mix. And maybe an oldie, over the age of 25. But a gorgeous cast and computer special effects is what we all want, apparently. I've just had a thought, how about taking the cast of "I'm a celebrity get me out of here!". Then swapping them for the cast of "Survivors"?..Onr thing about that "Survivors", idon't know if the flu actually killed everybody. Or, that they're sprawled out on the living room sofa working their way through all the programmes they recorded on SKY+.