Wednesday, 31 October 2007

No drink or bacon butties, this healthy living'll be the death of me.

Oh ,god!,here we go again. This time last year i think red meat and red wine (in moderation) was good for you . Now red meat, drink,etc,etc, gives you cancer .So, stop it. And stuff your face with 5.5cwt of fresh fruit n' veg /day,and you'll live forever. As an out n' out carnivore. As well as having been known to guzzle the odd tipple. I know this to be a load of usual goverment 'soundbite' Bxxxxxxks! On the few occassions i've been forced to eat a veggie diet, I and those around me have had to suffer the effects of healthy living on a system brought up on Guiness ,bacon butties and various forms of grease gristle n' fat. This healthy stuff manifests itself, in my case. With the most horrendous attacks of wind n' various forms of flatulance (un)imaginable. If thats what health does for you ,i'd better stay away from naked flames ,oh and please refrain from using mobile phones around me.

There's also the Height/Weight ratio 'stuff'. I ,being what can in some cases be described as a 'shortarse'(i'll leave out ,'little get',which often completes the description.)....Well, i always get told on weight machines i weigh too much for my height. Everybody knows that muscle is heavier than fat. I'm being punished for being a'shortarsed,little powerhouse'. Every ,short'house gets told they need to loose weight, even if they're olympic athletes. But do the tall lanky streaks of 'pee' get told to loose a few lbs's, i think not.

But if your worried, which ,I doubt most of you are ,you can make sure. There's two types of people. The 'UNWORRIED ILL.' Which ,is probably most of us. And then theres, the 'WORRIED WELL'. Who cause the fuss. Living on fruit juice and lettuce they're convinced they're dying .Esspecially as they're liver has been destroyed by reading the label on a wine bottle last xmas. They can cure or compound their phobia by doing a self test on their liver with a special kit ,just brought out. I don't think i'll be asking Father xmas for one .I'll plug it into my arm ,or whatever and wait for the buzzers to buzz;The lights to flash,and the bells to clang. I've a toughened ,beaten n' battered little liver.Like a karate masters knuckle, it's been 'conditioned' through the years,and it may not be pretty,but it'll handle a few more bacon butties and pints of Guiness and red wine for a wee wee(the drink!) while to come.

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