ANY NURSE'LL TELL YOU, THE DEGREE OF PAIN DEPENDS UPON IF THEY PULL THE BANDAGE AGAINST OR WITH YOUR LEG HAIRS.

WITH THE HAIR AGAINST THE HAIR
As i sit here alone awaiting my daily visit from 'the nurse' .Who will whip off my 6'in square bandage on the back of my thigh .I'm hoping its an Indian male nurse who's visited a few times. The rest of the nurses are very nice personable and it must be said , very attractive ladies. The only problem is ,that they're women. And women have an unhealthy fascination/obssession with pain. Not only do they quite happily inflict it on other people they inflict it upon themselves...They wax their legs for gods sake ? In fact there is a whole plethora of activities incorporating high levels of pain.Not only will they partake in these tortures in the quest for the face n' body beautiful. They will pay lots of money and get a 'Jolly girls outing',and a coachload will happily go off to be tortured .All the telly secret agents were men ,James Bond ,Callan , etc,etc...Maybe they should've had women. There is no pain the KGB.or the EAST german STASI could inflict in their torture chambers which could be worse than a day at a beauty parlour or whatever. They'd never have got 'the information' out of them using pain. (All they'd of needed to do was have a drink and a natter and it'd all have come out in conversation.) Anyhow i digress, All this was to do with the nurses pulling my bandages off daily . I'd grit my teeth manfully and scream horribly as they pulled it off. One actually said "Oh good your hair is growing back!",before promptly ripping them out . The Indian guy came the other day .I manfully gritted my teeth and clutched my Kleenex.(i've been getting a lot of practise.).He pulled it off .And..IT DIDN'T HURT!.....With tears(of joy) in my eyes.I asked how. "Oh ,simple enough ,just pull the bandage in the direction the hair grows!"....It's when you pull the other way against the hair growth that it hurts. A lady nurse called the following day ..AND IT HURT LIKE HELL????...And they know what they're doing,and why ,which is more than me . Men were put on this world to suffer ;Women were put on to help us suffer, but somewhere down the line they took a bite from the forbidden fruit and liked it. Right i'm off to suffer some more , i must admit to getting a taste for it .
As i sit watching all the old telly (RANDALL AND HOPKIRK ,DECEASED; SPACE 1999;THE SAINT , THE CHAMPIONS;THE PROFFESSIONALS; UFO;,etc,etc )My suffering goes on .I haven't been working , as instead of being an obssessive cartoonist ,i'm currently an ABCESSIVE cartoonist(ba dum ,tish!),geddit? I mention this because as i sit here in my pain and misery. I recieved an e-mail from a certain HUNT EMERSON demanding to know why i havent written any of this inciteful finger on the pulse shite lately. Hunt is an odd one ,he is different to anyone else i know .As everyone else i know has said when i 'was regular', "Why're you writting this inciteful finger on the pulse shite?".I hope you can sleep at night, Emerson causing me to drag my pain wracked body to this bloody computer....I've missed an episode of LOVEJOY and an episode ofTHE SAINT,cos of you ,you swine,you!