Friday, 16 May 2008


I'm by no means a 'petrol head', and my knowledge of motor cars is pretty limited. Basically to the car i'm driving at any given time. And given the fact, that due to medical hiccups within this finely honed physical specimen that is me, i'm not, presently able to drive. Which along with screwing up my living as a performing cartoonist/caricaturist, has also caused that part of my brain which dealt with motoring matters, to f-f-f-fade away! As lots of my brain does when it's not being used on a regular basis. As no doubt, many of you have commented upon, (smartarses!)....But despite this lack of knowledge and lack of interest in cars, although i did love driving. And, was quite good, if i do say so myself.(i've the points on my license, and the receipts for my fines to prove it.). But even so, i do enjoy watching,'TOP GEAR' on the telly. And all the 0-60, in 2.3 seconds and the 5000Brake Horse Power, and 260MPH's, which is so vitally important to the 'supercars' and their smoking tyres around the 'TopGear' airfeild.
The goverment, gawd bless 'em have decided to save us all from being killed by nasty motorists by implementing 20MPH speed limits around everywhere around our green n' pleasant land. Which will be the same size, but just seem a lot bigger, cos' it'll take so bloody long to get anywhere. It's clever, in a way. I s'pose it's one way of reducing 'The carbon footprint'(remember when it was plain old pollution?)....By getting us to walk. This 20mph, combined with the increased gridlock, would make it quicker to walk. The cars using lower gears would probably pump out the equal amount of crap anyhow, so changes to our beloved motors would have to be made.
I can imagine 'TOP GEAR', in about 5 years. The 'Supercars would be able to do 0 to 16 in 5 seconds; The top speeds, obviously, way above the speed limits, would be breath taking velocities like 50MPH, or even higher! The Brake Horsepowers would be replaced by Brake Donkey Pull. Somehow, i can't see Richard (Hamster) Hammond, as he always seems to have a fascination with the Brake Horsepower of a motor, being too excited. Or, Jeremy Clarkson, 'Yahoooing' as the car goes into a 30MPH spin. Mind you, James May, or Captain Slow, as he's nicknamed, well James May ,just may, but i doubt it.
I would imagine a drop in flattened hedgehogs in the roads, as we'd never catch them to hit them. And then theres the film industry. Can you imagine James Bond 32... The car chase?... Well, i can wait.

No comments: