Wednesday 10 September 2008

DEAD COMPUTERS; DEAD COMPUTER REPAIRMEN ALL GET CONNECTED AT WWW.PEARLYGATES@HEAVEN.COM

Hello there, one n'all. Sorry about the on-line, finger on the pulse ,incisive comment-less couple of weeks, but this was due to a technological 'spanner in the works'. Namely the bloody computer blew up /crashed-out. And eventually after trying to work it all out myself, seeing the amount of cables stuck in the back of our basic PC. Roughly about twice what the Large hadron collider has around its magnets, i looked and thought something along the lines of "£$%&* that!!!" We'll get someone in, but couldnt find the guy we've used before. And wrapped in the cables was the skeletal remains of ,who i suppose to be the brave noble soul who was the last PC repairman we called out the last time the dangblamed thing decided to screw us up.
I imagined as i unwrapped the boney ex repairman from the mass of cables. The dogs were showing great interest, lots of bone, but i dont know if ex PC repairmen have much in the way of marrowbone jelly for a dogs healthy teeth n' coat and all the healthy things dog food advertisers place such importance on. I dont suppose he's too worried, being the dedicated sort like these PC repairmen are. He's sitting on a celestial cloud somewhere still nobly trying to get an internet connection from those fine chaps at AOL(?). It's hard enough to get one down here, it must be murder in paradise. I think he'll have to change his broadband supplier to http://www.pearlygates@heaven.com/.
Technology is truly a wonderful thing, so i'm told. Obviously all this smashing of subatomic particles together to unlock the secrets of the universe is very nice, but that is as nothing to my beloved wife, the Lovely Lynne. To whom sciencs begins and ends with a new dishwasher. So, we get one. Two sweaty fellahs from Curries hump this big box into the middle of the kitchen floor, then smartly piss off. Then follows 2 days deciphering the single page of Enigma code transcript that comprises the instructions on how to fit the bloody thing. We swore solidly for 2 days. I got a mate in, he's a handyman/plumber, he spent the day adding to our growing collection of swearwords for fitting dishwashers too. Eventually a couple of fellahs came out a day or so later and added to our dictionary, but finally we did it, got the damn thing fitted and connected. I don't understand why we need it. I don't mind washing up, sticking some loud music on; Grabbing the Fairy Liquid and off we jolly well go. simple!
Using the bloody machine you have to rinse everything before you put everything in its special place. then when its done you've often got to rinse and wipe the'clean' stuff again. So, why not forget the machine and save time and just wash everything in the sink 3 or 4 times? It may not be a highly puzzling technological question on par with the big bang, but it confuses the hell outta me. The Big Bang, does seem to make some sense to me, unlike women and dishwashers.....Gawd, i need a drink.

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