ITS OFFICIAL..RUGBY IS A GAME FOR HOOLIGANS PLAYED BY HOOLIGANS!

The worst thing the English squad did whilst out in New Zealand attempting to do something ,in fact anything to bring some pride to our sadly prideless land in the Rugby World cup, was that they failed miserably not only on the pitch and off the pitch as well. On the pitch they sort of managed and muddled, but that was it. But off the pitch something very strange happened. Rugby players are big hard men who like a drink ,sing loud bawdy songs and have wild boisterous boys nights out making complete tits n arse'oles of themselves in the process.This is expected and accepted behaviour from these hooligan gentlemen . But for some reason when the English squad put on their dancing shoes and hit the New Zealand low spots they made themselves look totally sad n' pathetic and in competition with the other less than angelic big bawdy rugby chaps from all over, they lost that side of the rugby boozers world cup by appearing as a bunch of knobheads who couldnt take their ale and made everybody else look like good clean decent lads.

As the English squad arrived home to scorn and disgust ,did any body bother to meet or pick them up at the airport even? The Welsh were waiting to play their semi-final clash with them Frenchies. All of England were backing the Welsh to win, for gods sake thats almost as bad as wanting the French to win...... Thats how bad the English team have damaged national pride. We even had sympathy for the Welsh being just defeated.

But the Welsh had 'it sorted' , a man short they soldiered on. Its always more important to have an excuse for losing , than to win the match.

ENGLAND AND SCOTLAND FALLING ABOUT AS THE NATIONAL ANTHEMS PLAYED!

If you were up Saturday morning chewing on your morning bacon butty as was i, you probably saw part of it fly across the living room closely chased by the dog as you blurted out something along the lines of "OH £$%&*@ YES, MY BEAUTIES!".....As ENGLAND in the dying seconds of the maul of a match against 'the ol enemy' SCOTLAND ploughed across the line to score and beat the Scots. Half the world blurted out the above comment whilst the restof the world blurted out a less than joyous, not so positive expletive as ,for some reason the sight of England beating Scotland didn't fill them with glee. Everybody loves the English, just ask the WELSH,IRISH,SCOTTISH,FRENCH, etc, etc ,we saved the world , if everybody didnt hate the English so much they'd hate each other a lot more and the world'd be a bigger mess than it is now. Mind you i'd say we've handed our loathsome crown to AMERICA and long may they be hated instead.

But back to the RUGBY, i kept thinking about the poor team coach driver thinking he's in for an extended holiday in NEW ZEALAND all of a sudden he's got to set the alarm to go home the next morning. Ahh but the English lads are flying the flag pissing it up every night ,upsetting and copping off with the Kiwi ladies who frequent international rugby players drinking clubs. And it makes you proud to see how pissed our national heroes actually get ,i can take me ale better than MIKE TYNDALL, judging by the news stories of his wild nights ,i wonder if his 'Granny inlaw' has been on the phone. If Zara ,her mum and M'am have their way he wont be playing in the England quater finals he'll be crated home to the tower.

But it was good to see them win ,i even didnt mind the dog eating my bacon butty, even if he was barking for Scotland being a WEST HIGHLAND TERRIER.

RUGBY A GAME FOR GENTLEMEN PLAYED BY BLOODY BIG PSYCHOTIC NOT VERY GENTLE-MEN!..

Rugby a hooligans game played by gentlemen ,apparently....Bloody big ,psychotically deranged gentlemen maybe ,but there y'go. I was watching the 6 nations games ,over the weekend and noticed how the players nowadays are a lot more muscely and hard n meaner looking than in days of yore. It also adds to the meaness when you've got these French eight foot fifteen fellahs with hair down around their shoulders and everyone calling them 'horse' , or some animal name.

It also strikes me as odd ,when i used to watch and ,yes ,once upon a time play rugby ,the players would all be covered in mud and green grass stains. But not now ,yellows ,blues ,purples a variety of pastel shades from the pitch adverts.

I remember working at a caricature'gig' up in Scotland a number of years ago and while i was scribbling away the Englih squad arrived to play Sotland the following day. Jeez! they were big bastards, not just big ,but ,big!...I was passing by a hallway in the hotel and the players lined the hall waiting to get into their rooms. A little maid had to 'run the gauntlet', of walking down the length of the hall with these leering monsters either side. She looked absolutly terrified.

As i've been a little lazy of recent i've put on a few rugby cartoons wot i done over the life of this here blog. Hope ya like 'em!

I USED TO HIDE BEHIND THE COUCH WHEN DOCTOR WHO WAS ON THE TELLY....NOW ITS WHENEVER ENGLAND PLAY.

When i was younger in the days of black n' white DOCTOR WHO'S. A long time ago when the Doctors had passed the age of puberty, like WILLIAM, HARTNELL and PATRICK TROUGHTON...When the DALEKS, CYBERMEN, etc, etc..scared the living daylights out of young lads. And as we know we all used to dive behind the couch at the first "EXTERMINATE!"....The dark was cosy and safe behind the horrendous settee with the flower patterns on that were a lot more horrific than any beastie, robot or monster the Doctor Who scriptwriters could come up with.

But ,as we grew up our fears changed and it wasnt so much the beasties, robots or monsters that scared us, but the fact that our television license payed for the worst special effects and wobbliest sets in telly history. Even worse than CROSSROADS, but that was on ITV. We didnt have to pay for that,so that was ok.

But much like the classic Doctor Who days, the boyhood fears have returned me behind the couch . When i sit to watch ENGLAND play(if thats the word). The acting is the same ,way over the top; Most of the game looks like certain defeat for our heroes,(and ussually is), as they run around screaming and shouting, like all the Doctors assistants: And as for the monsters and beasties, well, we've a few, well able to drive you behind the couch....Well! WAYNE ROONEY for a start

AAAHHH, IT MAKES YOU PROUD TO BE.....ALGERIAN !

The new england world cup song...OH CHRIST !...'ERE WE GO !(again!)...ERE WE GO !(again!)...ERE WE GO!(again!)........

BUTTER-FINGERS!!!!

Everywhere i look ,there's England flags flappin n' fluttering, health and safety regulations allowing, of course. This is a wonderful show of pride and patriotism by the people of our great proud country. I have a lot of faith in the pride and belief of 'everybody' back here at home. The problem ,for me lies with the fact i've absolutly no faith in 'our boys' in the England squad. "C'mon ,Tim, give 'em a chance"thought i to myself and sat down to watch the travesty of a game against the USA, for christs sake. Then afterwards, looked out at the flags fluttering from houses and cars in our close and thought "Ah well, they'll be coming down by the end of next week."

But even after one of the all time goal-keeping 'cock-ups'; And half the squad of deadbeats chosen by our Italian 'gaffer' dead n' beaten by injury, its not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining, they do say. And even at this time of National disharmony, pain and fear for the next few games and our increasingly slim chances in the tournament, this old saying is true. I was asked a few years ago to illustrate a book in Hong Kong, for the chinese, written by a Geordie lad, explaining various football sayings and expressions. As ever my moment of fame never came to pass and the artwork wasn't used. But after the England game ,this particular one , i think is particually apt.

WE MAY BE UP SHIT CREEK WITHOUT A PADDLE, BUT GEORGE 'DUBYA'S' GONNA WORK SOMETHING OUT TO SAVE US, THERE, NOW DOESN'T THAT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER ?-

There is a pile of finance companies in the 'good ol' U.S.of.A, which go by names like 'Red neck George Finklesteins'; Auntie delores's amalgamated ; Chuck n' Butch's money factory, mom's apple pie finances, etc, etc, all who seem to be having money troubles. But far from being the names of back water Kentucky shops n' banks out of old Beverley Hillbilly episodes, they're huge American finance corporations and they are having all kinds of money troubles, which ,apparently is screwing up the prices of unsmoked back bacon, Rice Kripies and teabags in Asda over here. So as the world plummets down towards this financial catastrophe of one of old or new testament or even biblical proportions. Banks, building societies, etc close or have to be bailed out by the Bank of England,staff are booted to hell out of it and theres nothing else on Sky News between Eamon Holmes and the weather n' adverts, but financial 'shock horror, breaking, latest financial updates. But its alright, theres nothing to worry about. No! George 'Dubya' Bush is going to work on solving the cash crisis that threatens to engulf us all. He will be aided in this task of averting this financial meltdown by the man who sold all our gold reserves, lost us all our pensions and made it so we can'retire untill we're about 96, the 'boy' wonder, Mr Gordon Brown. There i told you, it'd be ok.

I wonder why the money and finances of the world aren't left to bankers and experts in finance whose aim is to keep the money and wealth flowing, admittedly ,some going their way, but that is a little more understandable than having the finances of the world totally dependant on bastard politicians, party politics,opinion polls , presidential candidates, spin doctors, etc, etc. Imagine going in to hospital for an emergency operation and instead of a surgeon they dragged in a politician, because his party cares and wants to save your life and to show the British public how ,not only is the NHS safe in their hand ,but he can whip your spleen out too. The patient may die, but a goverment spokesman would put a positive spin on it, so all would be well, well not for you, but your dead .