WHY AMERICAN TOILETS'LL SCARE THE CRAP OUT OF YOU.

After a short break over the 'pond' in the 'Good ol' US of A, i come back bearing , not gifts , but warnings. When your over there and you need to go for a well earned crap/No2/Dump, or plain good ol Shit, be prepared for the shock of your life. You see, the problem is, that here in G.B and Ireland we have a certain design of toilet, which has a little 'hole 'at the bottom with a little water in, leading to the drains, etc. So, when we Brits deposit our deposits in the deep bowl, it all goes out of sight around the U-Bend. So, no matter how hard you've been pumping , squeezing, forcing, pushing, grunting and, on occassions screaming, the 'bowl/ pan' never seems to have that much in. A yank of the handle, a flush of water, a little gurgling and' good as new'.

The American bowl is a lot shallower and holds a lot more water in the bowl above the exit point, i don't know if the yanks have U-Bends. But the immediate effect of this difference in design is that the displaced contents of your intestines,et al, do not disappear 'around the bend'. This means that you get to see how much 'shit' you are actually full of and able to pump out. And it is truly terrifying. Peter Cook once asked, "Did you know you've got 14 miles of tubing inside your body".Well, looking at the contents of an American Bog, you can believe it. Even what feels like the smallest' squit', is actually a massive amount. There are some things you don't want to know, much as you lot probably don't wish to know about all of this. But i'm just providing a public service, promoting our public conveniences over the Yankee bog. God bless the British toilet, i say.