Thursday, 31 July 2008
Wednesday, 30 July 2008
The American bowl is a lot shallower and holds a lot more water in the bowl above the exit point, i don't know if the yanks have U-Bends. But the immediate effect of this difference in design is that the displaced contents of your intestines,et al, do not disappear 'around the bend'. This means that you get to see how much 'shit' you are actually full of and able to pump out. And it is truly terrifying. Peter Cook once asked, "Did you know you've got 14 miles of tubing inside your body".Well, looking at the contents of an American Bog, you can believe it. Even what feels like the smallest' squit', is actually a massive amount. There are some things you don't want to know, much as you lot probably don't wish to know about all of this. But i'm just providing a public service, promoting our public conveniences over the Yankee bog. God bless the British toilet, i say.
Tuesday, 15 July 2008
The Lovely Lynne's got a highly classiffied birthday in 11 days time. Even i don't know for sure her exact age, as when we first met she was 35 for about 5 years, which confused the issue. There's nothing more confusing and complex than a womans age, anyhow...There, that'll put me right in the dog house, even if it is my birthday.
Friday, 11 July 2008
I still remember when i was a school boy and was told the incredulous news that ,"YOU COULD LIGHT A FART!" There are certain events that alter your world, forever. We laughed and scoffed disbelievingly, until after a few days the bearer of this amazing scientific discovery on the bus from school, dropped his pants. Lit a match, and after a little grunting and straining, 'let one rip'. And ,amazingly a little blue flame blew out. He yelled, we laughed, the girls squealed, and the world would never be the same again. It turned out the reason our intrepid 'test farter' yelled, was bacause he'd had what could be termed a blowback. This unfortunate event singed his 'ringpeice'. For the following week he couldn't sit down straight. He could sit on his left buttock, or his right, but not on both. A brave lad, a scientific pioneer, if ever there was one. He suffered to bring knowledge, enlightenment and a nasty smell to mankind.