TRAVEL MAY NOT BROADEN THE MIND ,BUT IT BROADENS THE HIPS!

Having just returned from a more than well deserved holiday across the Atlantic pond in the wild untamed themeparks of Orlando.Stuffing our faces at a variety of help yourself buffet restaurants and having a lot to drink in everywhere else. In lovely sunny Florida, i caught a cold after getting soaked by that killer whale and the girl he killed a few days later. This drama and adrenaline pumping ride-fest(after 2 hour queues) was followed by a week on a cruise around a bit of the Carribean on a 30-storey, 5 mile long luxury cruise ship. The boats are made that size to accomodate the people who go on cruises(of which we aren't). Very large ungainly ,definitley not streamlined, like the boat ,take time to get' up to speed' and have trouble coming to a stop. So the passageways above and below decks are constantly filled with very strange shaped older people shuffling along. You have to be in possession of swivel hips and boxers feet to avoid collisions. But with the stop offs on various tropical isles and copious amounts to eat n' drink i can think of worse ways to pass my time. Only the other day my beloved 'lovely Lynne'treated me to a breakfast in Asda. (There! I told you she loved me.) There you are one morning on the sunny deck off the coast of Honduras having a luxury gut busting fruit n' pancake breakfast. One week later your choosing what greasy fried combination you want slapped onto your plate in the cafe in Asda ,Warrington.

Once back i have found it damn near impossible to get back to writing this rubbish. Stop clapping and cheering, i'm a sensitive soul you vicious bastards. The brain and the imagination just would not function, absolutly nothing was there to light the blue touch paper of the imagination.And they say travel broadens the mind ? The food and drink might have broadened the hips as the Lovely Lynne keeps complaining. I suppose its just as well i dont write travel books, Bill Brysons got nothing to worry about for a while anyhow. I'll sit and gaze out of the window and see what flotsam and jetsam drifts into the vacumn of my imagination. A total void cannot exist as is proven by the theory of the 'big bang ' suddenly appearing out of nowhere. Maybe i'll have an imaginary' big bang'.......(Ooooh' err, missus!)....Sigh.....only in my imagination!!!